Silflay Hraka

Silflay Hraka Has Moved!

2003-06-23T00:37:00.000-04:00

To this location. I explain why here.

Adjust your bookmarks and blogrolls, and come on by.

Message Of The Day 6/16/2003

2003-06-16T12:06:00.000-04:00

Today, via their handy web form for cowards and informers, I sent the Saudi Religious Police the following message:

From: Naif bin Abdul Aziz Al-Saud

City: Riyadh

Email: disapprove@hesbah.com

Sin: Immoral Observations

Greetings to you, revered imams. May the loins of your Filipino slaves glisten hairlessly through the night like the polished knobs in the mansion of Allah, or the gill slits of the Bluefin tuna, Venus of the Ocean. My name is Naif bin Abdul Aziz Al-Saud and I need assistance with my immoral observations. Thank you for providing this service, as heretofore I have been somewhat less than proficient in my practice of them. My romantic abnormality, one shared by all of my house yet hidden from the public, has forced me to share these thoughts only with the objects of my fancy, and they have spurned my questions most rudely. Having no wish to offend the prophet, peace be upon him, I despaired of my sanity until the Djinn known as Google led me to your site.

Tell me, how does one determine the sex of a fish? All I see drive my loins into a frenzy of lust, yet I have no wish to spend my seed in the anal ducts of a female, as that would be displeasing to Allah and disgusting to myself.

I have been to my uncle, King Fahd bin Abdul Aziz, who first taught me of the joys of making my own caviar after learning of this joy from renowned actor Troy McClure, but he has been of little help, as he has become addicted to the joys of the cadiru, and I as yet prefer the honor of insertion to the duties of reception, at least I think that I do. All of my attempts at creating the special love that exists between a man and his mackerel have foundered on the rocks of identification, for I cannot ascertain the difference between the male and the females of the species, Allah not having seen fit to cover the disgusting nakedness of the female mackerel with a piscine burkha.

Please aid me in this soonest, as the fishmonger in Riyadh has closed his shop to me, and I need a date for my families private showing of Finding Nemo.

Yours respectfully,

Prince Naif bin Abdul Aziz Al-Saud

--------------------------------

If you'd like to send a message of your own, a handy list of names to use can be found here, and directions for the form are here. Remember to leave us a copy!

Father's Day

2003-06-15T14:48:00.000-04:00

My father's day started at quarter of five in the am, three hours after I went to bed, when an exhausted Sainted wife handed me Scotty M, announce that both the milk wells had run dry and stumbled off to sleep in the quest room.

I'm not sure why. It's not as if the bottle of breast milk stored in the refrigerator a story below was going to magically waft its way up the stairs, growing warmer with every foot of elevation gained until it appeared at hand, or ideally at mouth, ready for insertion in to the gaping, howling maw.

Were it possible it would have had no trouble finding us. Helen Keller could have echolocated our position from a mile away, so piercing were his cries. I staggered my way down the stairs to the kitchen, took the bottle out of the fridge, somehow found a nipple for it in the dark, put water in a pan and walked Scotty back and forth while the milk warmed. An age later, it was finally ready, so I betook myself to the Lazy Boy in the den along with the bottle, the baby, the boppy pillow, the pacifier, the extra pacifier, Ngnat's Barbie afghan and the TV remote, and arranged us all therein, having first taped the Spiderman's Wedding cover of an old Marvel Age comic book over the window beside the door where the streetlight shines in at night with the force of ten thousand suns unless it is blocked.

And, once everything was arranged, with baby in left arm on top of boppy pillow, beside TV remote, under the Barbie afghan, pacifiers on afghan and bottle in right hand I looked down to find him sound asleep.

So we dozed until six, when he awoke and received a much colder breast milk breakfast than I'm sure he was expecting. The milk coma after feeding was the same despite the frigidity of the lactose, and so I crept up the stairs to put him back down.

Which was no sooner done that Ngnat awoke, almost 2 hours earlier than is her wont. So down the stairs I went again, with a burden not only much heavier than the first, but one much more limpet like in the quality of its attachment to me.

New child, new nest. Out with the bottle, pacifiers and boppy, in with the apple juice, fruit snacks and sofa pillows. I slept through a Dora and an I Spy and a Childe Harold to the Purple Crayon Came, or something like that. I'm a little bleary on the details.

Eventually it was time for breakfast, which I made, as the lazy slug-a-bed I married was still asleep at the ridiculously late hour of eight in the morning. Nothing to cook with, so first I unloaded the dishwasher, the Dishwasher Fairy having been more or less absent since Scotty M's arrival. The noise keeps her away, I suspect.

It being Father's day, I made Pecan Pisang Goreng, seeing as how that was what I wanted and no one was going to make it for me. It's an Indonesian recipe for banana fritters that I added pecans to, as they had just been laying around taking up space since Christmas, and everything is better with pecans. Southern tradition states this, and I have yet to see it disproved. Possibly sushi might not be improved by the addition of pecans, but I am unconvinced of this.

Father's Day Pecan Pisang Goreng

1 cup all purpose flour
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
2 eggs
1/2 cup buttermilk. I didn't have buttermilk, so I used half and half. I do this a lot.
2 coarsely mashed bananas
a handful of chopped pecans.

Mix everything up and drop serving spoonfuls into a quarter inch of hot vegetable or canola oil. Try not to get hot oil to splash up in your eyes. It's not blinding, but it saves worrying about whether it's blinding or not. Flip after two minutes, remove from the oil two minutes after that. Dust them with powdered sugar, top them with berries, eat them plain or treat them like pancakes. It's all good.

I eat mine plain. Ngnat eats hers with peanut butter, but only after she is assured that, yes, this is what Dora eats for breakfast every single day. The Sainted Wife partakes of hers with large dollops of resignation, much as she does most of the odd things I cook, in order to provide a good example to her daughter, or to at least avoid being a bad one.

Since it was Father's day, I left her the cleaning up and slept till noon.

An Ass Kicking Everyone Can Get Behind

2003-06-14T23:42:00.000-04:00

Indymedia has picked up on the Culture Jam.

The more the merrier, folks. When it comes to combating the despicable oppression of the Saudi Religious Police, there are no Republicans or Democrats, no Greens or Libertarians.

There is no Europe, no America, no East or West.

There is only the congregation of the free, and our voices must rise up for those who are not allowed to have one, for those who would join us but cannot.

So sing, damn you, SING!

Notes From Mr. Rasczak's Lecture

2003-06-14T12:52:00.000-04:00

What Do You Call A Missile Attack That Kills A Senior Hamas Leader, His Pregnant Wife, And His Three Year Old Daughter?

A Good Start.

The Feces Flinging Monkey on why the death of innocents is not the ultimate horror.

Essentially I agree, but the problem is that if the death of innocents is only preferable to the alternative if the time period in which they occur is a short one, and the way the West presently wages war seems to preclude that. What's the point of a war if the enemy doesn't realize it has lost?

''The United States sent the Iraqi army home without compensation. They set up checkpoints and prevented farmers from going to work,'' said Taleb, a farmer, as he watched a truck full of U.S. soldiers pass in front of his home. (emphasis added)

This must be the first war in history where the forces on the losing side demand to be paid by the winning side. Even given the media penchant for seeking out the Iraqi disaster angles in a story, it doesn't really feel like the Iraqi army has been "pacified," does it?

What's the best way to take off a bandage? Quickly. The pain is intense but soon over. Now imagine a doctor who, instead of removing the bandage immediately, talks about it incessantly while removing it very, very slowly, so that each hair is slowly ripped out of the pore. He doesn't want to rip it off, because he's afraid of how the patient will react, even though in his heart of hearts he knows it would be best.

To the patient, it's nothing but torture, and the longer it takes the more he hates the doctor.

As you are no doubt one of the keenly perceptive and highly literate regulars that frequent the Hraka, you've already realized the metaphor:

Israel is the doctor, and the Palestinians are the patient. Pinprick assassinations is how Israel has chosen to deal with the Hamas bandage up till now. Even though Israel claims that the entirety of Hamas is now a target, I'm not going to believe Israel is serious until the political leadership of Hamas is gone, until Sheik Ahmed Yassin and all around him are dead.

If one is engaged in the active pursuit of evil, then the death of innocents, horrible though they are, serves some purpose. But the pursuit must be continued until all of the targets of it are accounted for. Stopping halfway, as Sharon now appears to be intent on doing, not only ensures that your enemy will return, it ensure that more innocents will die in the future, innocents that would not have died otherwise, innocents on both sides.

Hamas will be responsible for these deaths, for that group cannot win this war, yet will not lay down its arms, so the death of innocents will continue.

Israel will be responsible for these deaths, for that country can win this war, yet will have chosen not to, so the death of innocents will continue.

Ripping off a bandage is a violent act, but it is an act with an end, unlike the "cycle of violence" meme that permeates the media, a cycle that continues because Israel is unwilling to use the force necessary to end it.

Violence applied properly can solve problems. Hamas can be wiped out, or reduced to ineffectiveness. History is full of examples of just such an occurrence. There are no more Carthaginians, Nazism is nothing but a sad joke, and there is no Confederacy, thanks to violence.

Either Hamas dies now, or more toddlers and pregnant women die in the years to come.

I know which outcome I prefer.

Message Of The Day 6/13/2003

2003-06-13T16:29:00.000-04:00

Today, via their handy web form for cowards and informers, I sent the Saudi Religious Police the following message:

From: Mohammed Ali Ali Ocksen Phrie

City: Jeddah

Email: disapprove@hesbah.com

Sin: Flirting

To whom it may concern.

Peace be upon you, and upon the loins of your Filipino servants, may they spring forth anew each morning! My name is Mohammed Ali Ali Ocksen Phrie, and I am writing to complain about Dr Abdullah bin Muhammad bin Ibrahim Al Al-Sheikh, who habitually passes gas of the most noisy and foul type in front of myself at daily prayers. Every day, five times a day it's

God is great. Braaaaap!
I bear witness that there none worthy of worship except God. Braaaaap
I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of God. Braaaaap
Come to prayer. Braaaaap
Come to felicity. Braaaaap
Prayer is better than sleep. Braaaaap
Our prayers are now ready. Our prayers are now ready. Braaaaap
God is great. Braaaaap
There is none worthy of worship except God. Braaaaap

There are times when I cannot hear the blessed imam for the noise and cannot see him for the tears in my eyes. The expectorations of the minister's rectum torment me horribly, and is it not written that noisy gas is an affront to the prophet, pee be upon him?

I could stand the pain were it not for the distinctive odor of the sperm of a goat, both fresh and digested, that emanate from the minister at all times. Please remonstrate with him, else I will be forced to become a Baptist to assuage my lust.

--------------------------------

If you'd like to send a message of your own, a handy list of names to use can be found here, and directions for the form are here. Remember to leave us a copy!

Thanks to the folks at Fartgreetings.com for the use of their wavs.

UNC's Official Fright Song

2003-06-13T13:20:00.000-04:00

I'm a Tarheel born,
I'm a Tarheel bred,
Now I've got SARS
By a Tarheel spread!

The SARS outbreak on the UNC campus grows more worrisome. Instead of one case with an unknown and mysterious transmission vector, there are now three, as two co-workers of the initial case are now showing symptoms of the disease.

Neither has been categorized as a suspected SARS patient with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, since they are not believed to have had the kind of exposure necessary to contract the disease. Health officials are awaiting laboratory test results, which they expect by Monday, to determine whether the men can be diagnosed with SARS.

This is exactly the same sequence of events taken with regards to the UNC campuses zero case. SARS was not initially considered as a diagnosis in his case, since although he had been to Toronto, he had not come into direct contact with anyone showing symptoms of the disease, nor had he visited a location where a SARS case had been reported previously.

The issue of when and where exposure occurs is important. In their investigations of more than 8,445 cases worldwide, scientists have surmised that the virus only spreads when the carrier is in the throes of illness, suffering a fever of 100.4 degrees or higher, a cough or other respiratory trouble, and body aches.

Based on those criteria, public health officials remain skeptical that the Orange County man was contagious during his week back at work. The man told health investigators that once he became sick on that Saturday, he stayed home and left his house the next week only to visit his doctor, said Dr. Jeffrey Engel, state epidemiologist.

In other words, "We know next to nothing about the disease, not that this prevents us from assuming exactly the opposite when it comes to how the germ spreads."

First public health officials were skeptical that the patient had SARS, now they are skeptical that he spread the virus, despite the fact that how he came to be infected with the disease in the first place is a complete mystery, and despite the fact that two of his co-workers are showing initial signs of the disease. Chapel Hill has always been thought of as just a hop, skip and a jump from outright Communism by the rest of the state; now its public health authorities have adopted China's initial attitude towards SARS wholesale.

If SARS is spreading in Chapel Hill, it won't be confined to the Giles Horney Building. Public transportation in Chapel Hill is free, and used by large numbers of UNC workers who ride in to work on buses from satellite parking lots on the edge of town. One SARS sneeze or post nasal drip on any of five different bus routes that run near the building, and the virus will be spread all over town. If the two cases under observation turn out to be SARS, then it will be proof positive that a person who exhibits no sign of the disease can still spread it.

So it's wash hands, Car'lina-lina
Stay home, Car'lina-lina
Wear masks, Car'lina-lina
Go to hell......... cough, < choke>........gasp.

The UNC SARS update page can be seen here.

Update: Sighs of relief all round. Both SARS tests came out negative, though one UNC worker has died.

Tomorrow's Memes Today!

2003-06-12T23:57:00.000-04:00

I too, stand with Israel.

----------------

Turns out Jayson Blair ghost wrote Hillary's new book. That's why he didn't have time to go to the places he was reporting on, obviously.

HILLARY: Jayson, I know I hired you because you’re completely full of it and have no respect for the truth, but you need to tone it down.
JAYSON: In what way?
HILLARY: Page 329? Me and Rick Lazio, debating?
JAYSON: What part bothers you?
HILLARY: The light saber duel.

-----------------------------------------------

When Bloggers go bad: Poisoning The Well

We've had our own adventures with the person in question. My guess is that her blogs are performance art written by a conservative, or that she's a traffic troll whose strategy is reaping its inevitable reward. Either way, it's nice to know our's wasn't the only blog she left a ring around.

Heck, put it together with Rockem Sockem Moxies and you have a nice overview of the two main storm systems in the current blogosphere. (link via michelle)

--------------------------------

We know couples like this. Dear Stupid Parent. No, it's none of you. It's someone else entirely.

Who is Greg Packer?

2003-06-12T14:04:00.000-04:00

I liked this too much. Mickey Kaus pointed me towards this Ann Coulter article on a NYT story about the queue outside the Lincoln Center Barnes and Noble in New York Sunday night, where people were waiting to buy Hilary Clinton's new book.

That convoluted enough for you? Here's what Coulter discovered about one of the line attendees featured in the article, Greg Packer.

Another average individual eager to get Hillary's book was Greg Packer, who was the centerpiece of the New York Times' "man on the street" interview about Hillary-mania. After being first in line for an autographed book at the Fifth Avenue Barnes & Noble, Packer gushed to the Times: "I'm a big fan of Hillary and Bill's. I want to change her mind about running for president. I want to be part of her campaign."

It was easy for the Times to spell Packer's name right because he is apparently the entire media's designated "man on the street" for all articles ever written. He has appeared in news stories more than 100 times as a random member of the public. Packer was quoted on his reaction to military strikes against Iraq; he was quoted at the St. Patrick's Day Parade, the Thanksgiving Day Parade and the Veterans' Day Parade. He was quoted at not one – but two – New Year's Eve celebrations at Times Square. He was quoted at the opening of a new "Star Wars" movie, at the opening of an H&M clothing store on Fifth Avenue and at the opening of the viewing stand at Ground Zero. He has been quoted at Yankees games, Mets games, Jets games – even getting tickets for the Brooklyn Cyclones. He was quoted at a Clinton fund-raiser at Alec Baldwin's house in the Hamptons and the pope's visit to Giants stadium.

Coulter spins this as another blow to the rep of the NYT, but Greg Packer is actually a publicity seeker with well-honed skills.

By 8 o'clock on the coldest morning of the year, Greg Packer was already in his second hour waiting in line to go on a double-decker bus tour of Manhattan with Brandy, the R&B singer.

Spending a day waiting in line to meet celebrities is not unusual for the 38-year-old Huntington, N.Y., native, but his position so far back in the queue was. Packer has made obsessions out of being first in line and of being in the company of celebrities.

But on this day, he was 15th in line. That was good enough, for his goal was just to be among the first 50 who would make it on the Brandy bus.

If there's a global or celebrity-laden event in or near New York, odds are Packer is there, or is trying to be there. He was first in the line to see ground zero when the viewing platform opened at the World Trade Center site Dec. 30. He was the first in line in 1997 to sign the condolence book at the British consulate when Princess Diana died. He slept outside in the snow in Washington last January to be the first in line to greet President George W. Bush after his inauguration.

Here's another picture of him, waiting for the Times Square ball to drop in 2002. This is a man who enjoys the spotlight and seeks it out, not another giant screw-up by the Times. I suspect he can ID reporters from a half mile away.

Update: Kausfiles noticed! I am as giddy as a girl. 2 down, 2 to go.

Mickey wonders why the NYT hasn't caught on to Greg Packer yet.

But that begs the question of why the NYT would write about this semi-professional line-stander and quote machine as if he were a typical man on the street. You'd think he'd be notorious by now and "No More Greg Packer" signs would be posted next to the Metro desk.... Michael Cooper of the NYT did bust Packer when quoting him on New Year's Eve, 2001, but this week the NYT''s James Barron accepted him as an ordinary "fan of Hillary and Bill's" who wants Hillary "to change her mind about running for president."

I would think it's due to some inherent (though perfectly understandable) journalistic snobbery. Think about the stories Greg appears in. I don’t think there's a journalist in the world that looks forward to being sent out to interview the line freaks for a lightweight entertainment feature. It's beneath them.

They go in, they get a quote or two from people who come up to them and say "Hey, are you a reporter?" come back to the office and file a piece that reminds them exactly how far they are from their J-school dreams of being the next Woodward or Bernstein, then try to forget it.

Same thing with the editors. Even a crusty, knowledgeable old newsroom vet isn't going to give a crap about who gets interviewed for a "people queue up to meet Brandy" story.

On top of that, a lot of the reporters on the freak beat are probably low on the status ladder. As they move their way up, they escape from the "go interview the geeks" stories, and the new wet behind the ears guy or gal is the next guy to meet Mr. Packer. He seems them coming, gets his name in the paper, and gets nice little clipping for the scrapbook back home.

Too bad the jig's probably up.

The Scabrous Search

2003-06-12T12:10:00.000-04:00

A Silflay Hraka Exclusive, for some odd reason.

By Joe McCain

So now the political hounds are after the 'Great Mass Weapons Scam', eh? Going to hold hearings. Going to find out if the poor old American people have been tricked, fooled, misled.

What is the matter with them?

Here's what SHOULD matter to them: A man has been removed from power who murdered millions and made many more millions terrified.

A man has been removed that had, and used, weapons of mass murder on many occasions, on the Kurds, on the Iranians, on the Shiites -- in short, on the weak.

What happened to those weapons is not clear. We know he had them. We know, because we saw the piles of bodies over the years. And we should be very worried about what happened to them, where they are now, not whether we have been tricked by the President of the United States.

A man has been removed whose friends and kin raped women, tortured athletes, grabbed property and possessions at whim, destroyed whatever and whomever they wished.

Have these political defects not seen the photos of the mass graves, seen the trophy photos of torture, not heard the stories from the victims, not heard even our own troops and rescued Prisoners-of-War?!

At least this one man and his pals will never murder and terrify and torture and maim and waste and destroy again.

And perhaps the other strange and dangerous thugs of the word, especially this terribly dangerous Kim Jung-Il will hesitate before starting up their killing machines.

This is a terribly malevolent world, where battalions of misled fanatics are simply and violently anti-Western, Anti-Christian, Anti-Jewish. And they will kill, just as the Kamikaze-driven troops of the Japanese Empire and the Nazi-infected Wehrmacht killed -- until enough of them died, and the killing finally stopped.

It is a horrible, cancerous world in which only radical surgery applies.

As long as we stay subtle and rational and philosophical, millions more will die. Jews, Americans, Westerners, reasonable Arabs, peaceful Muslims. They will die just as others kept dying while Neville Chamberlain temporized, and Americans cried "America, First!". If the Japanese hadn't made the incredible decision to raid Pear Harbor, when would we have joined that war? And does anybody remember, it was German who declared war on the United States? Else, when we have gone to Europe to help beat down these monsters of holocaust and pillage?

Have we gone that insane, again? Despite so many terrible, bloody lessons from history? Recent history? Ancient History? ANY history!!!

This is not new. The Crusades against the Moors? The American White Man against his former slaves? Virtually any country against the Jew for 1500 years?

It is a bad time. But for the sake of history, there is one land strong enough to deal with it. And deal with we must!

No amount of petulance against George Bush, and complaints about misinformation, and elite sniffing distaste is going to change the fact that there is a band of unthinking radicals that murder only to murder -- and the more horrific the murder is, the more devastating it is, the more innocent the victims are, the better. It brings them closer to Allah. Well, just as we had to help millions of Japanese Imperial Troops get to their gods faster, so must we enhance the celestial trip of these assassins of humanity.

That's what matters.....REALITY matters!

Please, no matter what you think of George Bush -- and we McCain Republicans have much vinegar to remember from South Carolina -- don't go down this trashy, sleazy road!!

If you do, you will wreck a very problematic victory with which we must be patient -- we were in Germany and Japan four and five years, remember -- but more, you will absolutely cripple any chance of dealing with so many other mastes of death and murder and mayhem.

No, you will absolutely take away the fear our terribly brave men and women have put into them, and perhaps unleash them!

Editor's Note: Joe McCain is the brother of Arizona Senator John McCain, and resides in Washington. I got the essay above from an e-mail he sent to the parents of his godson yesterday, whom the Sainted Wife and I have been friends with for years. An earlier essay of his can be seen here. Why we happen to be the only place on the web these are found is a complete mystery to me.

MemeWatch

2003-06-12T11:56:00.000-04:00

Birth Blogging claims another couple. Congrats to the proud parents at the Picture Shoebox.

Together with ZonaGeek, that makes three births blogged that I know of.

Message of the Day, 6/12/2003

2003-06-12T10:34:00.000-04:00

Today, via their handy web form for cowards and informers, someone sent the Saudi Religious Police 588,604 lowercase "n"s, getting this handy error in return;

Request object error 'ASP 0107 : 80004005'
Stack Overflow
/disapproveSubmit.asp, line 22
The data being processed is over the allowed limit.

As for me, I sent this message today.

Some badly coded webforms can crash a server if they choke on a long enough string. The website is still there, so presumably the form is coded to cut off submissions after a certain number of characters. If you would like to ask someone to make sure, try the technical contact fot the site, Hatem El Shafie.

Domain name: HESBAH.COM
Registrant:
MidEast Net
37 Kasr El Nil Street
App #55
Downtown
Cairo, Cairo 11111
EG
Administrative Contact:
El Shafie, Hatem reg2@mideastnet.com
37 Kasr El Nil Street
App #55
Downtown
Cairo, Cairo 11111
EG
202 3924354 Fax: 202 3957177
Technical Contact:
El Shafie, Hatem reg@mideastnet.com
37 Kasr El Nil Street
Suite #55
Downtown
Cairo, Cairo 11111
EG
202 3924354 Fax: 202 3957177

Presumably there are a few other questions he could be asked about why he decided to host this particular site.

I've spent some time going over the source code for the website, looking for an email address, but no luck yet. I've sent a test email to disapprove@hesbah.com, if that doesn't bounce, we can enlist the power of Spam in the fight against the Mutaween.

If you'd like to send a message of your own, a handy list of names to use can be found here, and directions for the form are here. Remember to leave us a copy!

Update: disapprove@hesbah.com has not bounced after 4 hours, so I'm going to rule it a valid email. Now go forth and sign it up for....everything.

Matter, Anti Mattter, and Blogmatcher

2003-06-12T00:43:00.000-04:00

According to Blogmatcher, friend of Hraka On the Third Hand, is the most like-minded blog to us out of the 1558 listed.

Compendium Hermetica, which to all appearances is a perfectly decent blog by a lucid and well-read author, is the least like minded.

Zod: Decent, lucid and well read. No wonder Blogmatcher awarded him the coveted Anti-Hraka position. You should never touch, lest the world be shattered by the resultant cataclysmic explosion.

I read all the damn time.

Zod: Comic books and Science Fiction. You're a regular Robert Burton, you are.

Quiet, damned voice.

Left of us on the war, or at least left of one and perhaps two-thirds of the Hraka staff, but so is Skippy, and he's in the top 10 of the like minded. I'm going to guess that the calculation is performed via some sort of six degrees analysis of links in common.

Update: And I would be right.

Link via Silent Running

Widening The Scope

2003-06-11T23:41:00.000-04:00

This caught my ear the other day while listening to NPR on the commute to work the other day. Families in northern Uganda are sending their children away at night to sleep alone on the city streets of Kitgum and Gulu. It's the only way they can ensure that they aren't kidnapped by the Lord's Resistance Army, who force the boys to fight for them and turn the girls into sex slaves.

According to Reuters, more than 9000 people are traveling from their homes each night to sleep wherever they find a spot to lay down in the cities. Children as young as 4 make the trip each night, traveling on foot up to 5 miles each way in order to sleep in safety.

The Lord's Resistance Army is supported an encouraged by the Islamist government in Sudan, a country listed by the State department as a supporter of international terrorism, and a country that rivals Saudi Arabia in its all talk/no action approach to the war on terrorism.

Uganda on the other hand is cited as a model for African development in democracy and the fight against HIV/AIDS. The president of that country met today with George Bush, who praised him for his support in the war on terrorism, yet apparently did not offer any U.S. aid or support for Uganda in its struggle with an Islamist supported movement.

Yet why not? The American experience in Afghanistan proved that a combination of a small number of special forces and air support in conjunction with native ground forces is a lethal combination. The Lord's Resistance Army is demonstrably as vicious as the Taliban, supported by a regime with strong ties to Islamic terrorism, and would likely put up even less of a struggle than did the Taliban once they were faced with a US supported force. Since there is already a functioning civil government in Uganda, we would not even face the vacuum of authority problems that have cropped up in areas of Afghanistan and Iraq, while simultaneously demonstrating that the American war on terrorism is not limited to those of Arab descent, or even to Islam. The LRA, though supported by Islamists, is an ostensibly Christian movement.

If relieving the suffering of the Iraqi people is in hindsight a valid reason for the American invasion of that country, and I believe that it is (And did before the war. WMDs were always a side issue for me.) then those reasons are just as valid for the people of northern Uganda. No, we can't solve all of the world's problems at once, but it's not like clearing terrorists out of Uganda would take even as much effort as we put into Afghanistan, and it would demonstrate that America cares as much about stability in Africa as it does anywhere else.

Terrorists thrive in failed states, and Africa is full of states on the edge of failure. It will be simpler and cheaper now to support the African civilian and democratic nations than it will be to make war on them ten or twenty years in the future. Chasing the Islamists out of the Middle East, only to find them popping up in sub-Saharan Africa will come as rude shock, one we can prevent from occurring in the future with only a little effort in the present.

A little effort, yet one that to all appearances is not being made.

Living In The Hot Zone

2003-06-11T22:31:00.000-04:00

Remember the North Carolina SARS case of a week or so ago? It's troubling the health authorities, in that there is no on is able to determine how patient was infected in the first place.

Canadian health officials said Tuesday that they are unsure how or where the man contracted the disease, because his case defies the accepted understanding of the disease and its method of spreading.

"I can't pick one logical explanation here. All are unlikely, and we're dealing with various degrees of unlikely," said Dr. Allison McGeer, director of infection control at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto.

Since the virus almost certainly was passed to the patient while he was visiting a relative in a rehabilitation clinic, he probably picked it up from a surface contact, something like a elevator button or a doorknob. What's troubling for the Toronto authorities is that if this is true, then there is at least one person transmitting the virus who is unknown to the Toronto public health system.

Meanwhile the UNC campus is on pins and needles waiting for another case to occur. Odds are it won't, but if it does a lot of the tech staff will start working from home.

Bishop Ussher Reaches a Higher Spin Rate

2003-06-11T14:11:00.000-04:00

New fossils from Ethiopia push the known date for the first appearance of Homo Sapiens back to 158,000 BCE.

The skulls include evidence of ritual cutting and polishing, evidence for the argument that human culture has always been characterized by a surprising level of complexity. There's also grounds for argument that we were already masters of our domain at that time

The skulls, from two men and a child, are also very large by human standards suggesting the adults cut an imposing figure.

Large skull and imposing figures are a direct function of food supply. Lots of food, especially in the childhood developmental years, is critical in the determination of final adult size. If we were growing them large 160,000 years ago, there weren't a lot of things standing in the way of our control of the immediate environment.

Message of the Day

2003-06-11T12:01:00.000-04:00

Here's the message I sent to the Saudi Religious Police today, using the convenient web form they provide for the purpose of turning in heretics, free speech adherents and little girls with Barbie dolls. Feel free to adapt it as you wish, or submit your own.

Directions for submission of the web site form can be found here, and a handy list of names to use can be found below the message.

Sin reported by: Dr Fahd bin Abdulrahman bin Sulaiman Balghunaim

Location: Mecca

Balghunaim@saudi.gov.sa

Type of Sin: Other

To whom it may concern.

Whilst examining the loins of my Filipino servants for evidence of apostasy, I happened to glance out of the second story window of my compound and espy Sheikh Saleh bin Abdul Aziz bin Muhammad bin Ibrahim Al Al-Sheikh in the street below, mightily struggling to pull a glossy red women's corset, one of the real quality ones, with a lace-up front, adjustable straps and optional garter attachments, from the hindquarters of a large pig.

The blessed imam was hampered in his attempt in that he was attempting to do so one-handed, his left hand being in possession of a half empty bottle of Grey Goose Vodka, which he alternately drank from or poured from above onto the swine's genitalia. The revered imam was also in a state of dishabille, his robe having fallen down around his ankles. This enabled me to observe his tumescent state once I had set my telescope to its largest magnification.

Please remonstrate with the imam for me, as the stock animals are nervous for days after his one of his visits.

Peace be upon you,

Dr Fahd bin Abdulrahman bin Sulaiman Balghunaim - Minister of Agriculture

The handy list of names. Use them unstintingly!

Dr Fahd bin Abdulrahman bin Sulaiman Balghunaim - Minister of Agriculture
King Fahd bin Abdul Aziz - The Prime Minister, The King
Crown Prince Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud - The First Deputy Prime Minister, Crown Prince and Commander of the National Guard
Prince Sultan bin Abdul Aziz - Second Deputy Prime Minister, Minister of Defense and Aviation and Inspector General
Dr Fahd bin Abdulrahman bin Sulaiman Balghunaim - Minister of Agriculture
Dr Muhammad bin Ali Al-Fayez - Minister of Civil Service
Dr Hashim bin Abdullah bin Hashim Al-Yamani - Minister of Commerce and Industry
Engineer Muhammad Jameel bin Ahmed Mulla - Minister of Communications and Information Technology
Dr Fouad bin Abdul Salaam bin Muhammad Al Farsy - Minister of Culture and Information
Dr Khalid bin Muhammad Al-Qusaibi - Ministry of Economy and Planning
Dr Muhammad bin Ahmed Al-Rasheed - Minister of Education
Dr Ibrahim bin Abdulaziz bin Abdullah Al-Assaf- Minister of Finance
Prince Saud Al Faisal bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud - Minister of Foreign Affairs
Dr Iyad bin Ameen Madani - Minister of Hajj
Dr Hamad bin Abdullah Al-Mane' - Minister of Health
Dr Khalid bin Muhammad Al-Anqari - Minister of Higher Education
Prince Naif bin Abdul Aziz Al-Saud - Minister of Interior
Sheikh Saleh bin Abdul Aziz bin Muhammad bin Ibrahim Al Al-Sheikh- Minister for Islamic Affairs, Endowment, Dawa and Guidance
Dr Abdullah bin Muhammad bin Ibrahim Al Al-Sheikh- Minister of Justice
Dr Ali bin Ibrahim Al-Namlah- Minister of Labor and Social Affairs
Prince Mite'b bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud - Minister of Municipal and Rural Affairs
Engineer Ali bin Ibrahim Al-Naimi - Minister of Petroleum and Mineral Resources
Dr Jubarah bin Eid Al-Suraiseri- Minister of Transport
Dr Ghazi bin Abdulrahman Al Gosaibi - Minister of Water and Electricity
Prince Abdulaziz bin Fahd bin Abdulaziz - Minister of State, Cabinet Member, and Chief of the Court of Cabinet's Presidency
Dr. Abdulaziz bin Abdullah Al-Khuwaiter - Minister of State
Dr. Mutlab bin Abdullah Al-Nafeesah - Minister of State and Cabinet's Member
Dr. Musa'ed bin Mohammed Al-E'ban - Minister of State and Cabinet's Member
Abdullah bin Ahmed bin Yosef Zainal - Minister of State and Cabinet's Member

Make sure to send us an email of the messages, or leave a copy in the comments below. The really good ones will appear as Messages Of The Day at some future time. If I'm feeling lazy, so will the not so good ones.

And remember, every fake message sent to these.....evil bastards is one that might cause them to overlook a real one, and make a innocent Saudi a little more free.

38 Special

2003-06-11T12:00:00.000-04:00

The 38th edition of the Carnival of the Vanities is at Overtaken by Events this week, who has excellent taste in comedy.

The Carnival offspring Bharateeya Blog Mela is also new today, at Sampada's Thought Spot.

Upcoming Carnival stops include;

June 18th Real Women Online
June 25th Single Southern Guy
July 2nd Amish Tech Support
July 9th Winds Of Change -- The 42nd spot, coveted by hitchhikers across the galaxy.
July 16th Caerdroia
July 23rd DaGoddess
July 30th Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
August 6th Across The Atlantic
August 13th Outside The Beltway
August 20th Right We Are
August 27th Creative Slips
September 3rd The Brazos De Dios Cantina
September 10th Solport
September 17th Silflay Hraka - The One Year Anniversary
September 24th Pathetic Earthlings
October 1st Sasha & Andrew's Roundtable
October 8th Dancing With Dogs
October 15th Priorities & Frivolities
October 22nd Eric Berlin

If you'd like to host the Carnival, drop us a line. Information on how to join the Carnival can be found here.

Super Sounds Of The Seventies, Volume II

2003-06-11T10:55:00.000-04:00

Al of Somewhere in the Digital Forest rose to the challenge and listed a number of Queen songs that could serve as themes for various politicos and world leaders.

"Liar" - (name any politician here)
"We are the Champions" - Dubya
"Fat Bottomed Girls" - Bill Clinton
"Don't Stop Me Now" - John Ashcroft
"Jealousy" - Rush Limbaugh
"Under Pressure" - Saddam Hussein
"I'm Going Slightly Mad" - Ronald Reagan
"Scandal" - Nixon
"Friends Will Be Friends" - Tony Blair
"Stone Cold Crazy" - Sharon
"The Invisible Man" - Putin
"You Don't Fool Me" - Yassir Arafat

Next up, The Clash. I'll take out the obvious target by reserving Train in Vain for Al Gore, because it's easy and I like to make things more difficult.

Chewing the Fat (Tax)

2003-06-11T10:44:00.000-04:00

British doctors are apparently pushing a "Fat Tax" in an effort to curb that country's obesity problem. To me this falls into the category of "Ridiculous." People should have the right to be fat, and eat whatever the hell they want to. If I wanted to be obese, that should be my decision, and I should not be penalized (nor should the fast food joints of the world) for wanting a big ass burger and a side of fries. Even though I don't smoke, I feel the same way about over-taxing cigarettes and the like. Maybe those opposed to this tax could stage an "Eat In", or something to protest this movement. Being overweight is a health problem, but if people are okay with who they are and the size they are, then leave them alone and tax something else.

Culture Jamming

2003-06-10T13:50:00.000-04:00

When they aren't letting little girls burn to death, the Saudi religious police busy themselves by confiscating their toys.

The following are among the items seized by the mutaween, aka the Authority for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice.

Reuters has a story on the mutaween today, noting their roles as enforcers of the Wahabist version of Islam practiced in Saudi Arabia.

Answerable only to King Fahd and separate from ordinary police, members of the "Authority for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice" patrol with police escorts, ensuring that their strict interpretation of Islamic social customs remain the norm among a youthful, Westernised population with wide access to the internet and satellite TV.

They check that women wear the abaya, the all-enveloping black cloak, that men and women together in public are related, that drugs and alcohol are not being traded and that Muslims do not observe "frivolous" customs such as Valentine's Day.

Their website invites citizens to inform on those suspected of any manner of immoral behaviour.

In typical Reuters fashion, there's not a link anywhere on the site to the mutaween home page, or to the form where a cowardly Saudi could inform on his neighbors.

And that's why we're here. The mutaween home page is here. More pictures of dangerous plastic, glass and cotton threats to Mohammed are here, and the form is here.

The first text box is for your name.

The drop down list underneath it is for the name of city where the incident took place. The first four on the list are:
Mecca
The City of Lights (No, not Paris. Give them time. For now, it's a Saudi City. )
Riyadh
Jeddah

The second text box is your email address.

The drop down list underneath it is for the particular sin you are reporting.
Note: These are general translations. More specific ones are welcome
1. Someone not attending daily prayers
2. Flirting
3. Loitering
4. Selling Stolen Goods
5. Immoral Observations
6. Engaging in Western Habits (Holding your wife's hand in public, kissing or hugging her would all be examples of this. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness are others.)
7. Other

The big box is for a specific description of the activity being reported; say something along the lines of "Fraulein Gunter is hiding a family of Jews in her attic at 31 Hemmelstrasse."

Well, perhaps not that message exactly. The sentiment is the same.

So are the results. If it's possible for a website to be evil, this one is.

The button on the right is "Submit." The button on the left is "Reset."

Purely in a spirit of scientific enquiry, I wonder what would happen if everyone reading this post decided submit a false report, or multiple ones? Is it possible to file so many false reports that the ones turned in by the craven Islamists this site is aimed at get lost in the shuffle? Is it possible to crash the server entirely, or to drive it off the Net forever? How many people would be willing to file two or three false reports a day until that happens, possibly something along the lines of " I saw Prince Bandar Bin Sultan eating a dog sandwich."

How many people would send the Wahabists a little note letting them know that we remember the origin of 15 of the 19 despite the coddling Saudi Arabia has been given in the days since?

Purely in a spirit of scientific enquiry, of course.

Update: While I was looking for the site, I wrote the author of the story, John Bradley, asking for the url. He just got back to me with the url listed above. I'd already found it, thanks in large part from following links from Doctor Weevil and Memri, but it's nice to have confirmation.

Some of the translation was done at ajeeb.com, who realy wanted me to pay for the service. If someone would like to do the blogosphere a service, come up with free online Arabic to English translation service.

More Update: A handy list of names to submit, as well as an example message, can be found here. Email addresses and other website info is here.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys

2003-06-10T13:38:00.000-04:00

Martha's friend is going to prison for his role in the insider trading scandal.

For this holiday season, the appropriate gift from (and to) Martha Stewart is soap-on-a-rope.

The Sixth Day

2003-06-10T11:42:00.000-04:00

For the last day on the 36th anniversary of the Six-Day War, an anecdote.

During the Six-Day War between Israel and the Arab nations, a friend called me excitedly and said, "Did you hear the news from Paris?"

"No," I said, :'What?"

"The French government heard there was a war going on somewhere, so just to be on the safe side, it surrendered."

Super Sounds of the Seventies

2003-06-10T11:26:00.000-04:00

Bill and Hillary adopted Fleetwood Mac. Will Dennis Kucinich adopt ABBA?

So, for those of you scoring at home, that's
The Clinton's - "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow" and Dennis Kucinich - "Take a Chance on Me".

ABBA swould seem to be uniquely suited as the producer of theme songs for American politicos.

Dancing Queen - Barney Franks, of course.
Amerika - Nancy Pelosi
Waterloo - Cynthia McKinney
Alley Cat - Bill Clinton
Daddy Don’t Get Drunk On Christmas Day - Ted Kennedy
Dance With The Devil - Tom Delay
Slipping Through My Fingers - Al Gore
The Winner Takes It All - George Bush
You Owe Me One - William Rehnquist

But I suspect something similar could be done with the songs of any group with a sufficiently long career. Who wants to try Queen?

Killing Two Birds With One Post

2003-06-10T10:37:00.000-04:00

A couple of the projects I am tangentially involved in right now is the offering of personalized cgi-bins for the students and faculty at UNC. Everyone has a public html folder that they can use for static html, but people are growing steadily more sophisticated with each passing year, and so there's been a growing demand for something like the above.

A personal cgi-bin allows the user to run php or Perl scripts that they have written, to submit forms to a database or host a Movable Type blog, among other things. There's something of a slight security risk in allowing any Tom, Dick or Sheila to run whatever jury-rigged code they manage to type up on the campus web servers, but we've gotten around that by running all the scripts within the context of a cgi wrapper that one of the more able department developers wrote.

So, problem solved, mostly. But, just because the faculty and students have gotten sophisticated enough to want to write scripts doesn't mean they actually know how to write scripts, nor are the willing to write such scripts in anything other than Microsoft Word, Wordpad, or Notepad.

This is a problem. The main campus servers run Solaris, or Linux, and when they run across a Perl or php script that's been composed on a PC and then transferred to a Unix filesystem this is what they see.

#!/afs/isis/pkg/php/bin/php^M
^M
< html>^M
< head>^M
< title> Untitled Document</title>^M
< meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" >^M
</head>^M

Those "^M"s are how Unix translates the ASCII character that Windows uses to indicate a carriage return. In a static html file this doesn't normally matter. In that case the web server just hands the file to the browser, and the browser parses it. But in the case of a script, the web server must run it, then return something to the browser.

For the snippet of php code above to work, the web server has to find the campus php binary (think "program" when you see "binary". You'll sleep better at night.) that we installed and submit the code to it. The first line in any cgi-bin script, in this case the "#!/afs/isis/pkg/php/bin/php" line, tells the server where to go to submit the code. To us technical types, this is known as the "path."

The web server sees the "^M" at the end of the path and assumes that is part of the directions it has to follow. There is no such path, so the server returns an error code, the bespectacled freshman at the other end curses, then opens up a ticket with the help desk to tell us our php is broken. In order to fix it, one of the sysadmins has to spend valuable coffee drinking time finding the code, opening it up to verify that yes, Johnny is trying to crack the furryteens.com password system with code he wrote in MS word, and then track him down and tell him how to fix it.

Oddly enough, this is duty considered less than enjoyable, so it is passed down to the most junior of the sysadmins.

Guess who that might be.

Now, there are a number of ways to avoid the ^M bug that we know of, or to ameliorate it afterwards. The first is to use one to the native Unix editors like vi or Emacs to compose one's code. Sadly, most do not choose this path, for Unix editors scare the pants off your average user. One could also compose the file in Windows, then open it up in vi and run a command like ":1,$s/^M//g" to rid one's code of the unwanted characters.

Told you it was scary. Most people don't like doing this either, even though they tend to force themselves to once we tell them that we won't do it for them.

The ^M problem, though still limited in scope at the moment, is growing, so we're in the process of developing a tutorial on how to deal with the problem for the help.unc.edu site. Once again, this is a job for the junior sysadmins. The alternatives listed above will be part of it; there's also a Perl script we've written that a user can call to strip out the ^M from the end of each line. I think some shareware code editors like Ultraedit can be set to prevent this as well, but don't know for sure.

The mantra around the office is "Surely someone has had to deal with this before." Before I submit the help doc, I thought I'd ask. Has anyone else run into this? How do you work around it?

This is you chance to earn everlasting fame as part of a rarely accessed document in the UNC help system, so don't be shy.

Update: If your solution is a particular program, it needs to be able to run under AIX, which is what the UNC login nodes are running.

Who's Next?

2003-06-10T08:54:00.000-04:00

This was found on an AOL news site:

U.S.: Major al-Qaida Attack Probable

By Edith M. Lederer, .c The Associated Press

UNITED NATIONS (June 10) - There is a ''high probability'' that al-Qaida will attempt an attack with a weapon of mass destruction in the next two years, the U.S. government said in a report Monday.

The report to a U.N. Security Council committee monitoring sanctions against the terrorist group did not say where the Bush administration believes such an attack might be launched.

But the United States said it believes that despite recent setbacks, ''al-Qaida maintains the ability to inflict significant casualties in the United States with little or no warning.''

This brings up an interesting question. Where will George W. believe we need to strike next, and perhaps more importantly, will he receive any support, especially from foreign leaders? If he states that we need to attack somewhere else to deal with al-Qaida's threat of using WMD, will anyone get on his bandwagon? While I am not upset in the least that we attacked Iraq, he did say that we were doing so because of the threat of WMD. I wonder, since none have been found thus far, if people, including some Americans will be hesitant to engage in any more military operations. While al-Qaida has already proven their willingness to kill by any means, the evidence will need to be solid and be shared with others we try to pull into the mix.

A Lesson in Marketing

2003-06-09T23:40:00.000-04:00

No, no, no, no, eggheads. If you really want people to purchase your little invention, it's not "New Drug Protects Against Fetal Alcohol Syndrome". It's "Drink As Much As You Like No Matter How Pregnant You Are!"

Then you release a drinks list in conjunction with the Alcohol Marketing Board of America. Something to liven up the baby showers with.

A Slow Comfortable Screw - It's the only one you'll have at nine months.
Backseat Boogie - A quick and painful shooter.
The Titty Twister-Rita - A La Leche League special. Chase it with a Mother's milk.
A Little Green Man From Mars - For when you've been impregnated by an Alien Secretion.
Maiden Head - Served by a drunk frat boy whose name you can't quite remember.
Virgin Mary - For when you've been impregnated by God.
Suffering Bastard - A drink for the unmarried Mother to be.
Adios Motherfucker - Three of these and you won't care who adopts your baby!
Afterglow - We bet this one lasts longer.
Vodka Salty Dog - Hilarity ensues as everyone tries to guess which husband made it salty!
Melon Pousse Cafe - Mix it yourself, because there's nothing a husband enjoys more than asking his friends if they've tasted his wife's Melon Pousse Cafe.
The Marv Alberts - You'll force it down!

The Fifth Day

2003-06-09T23:34:00.000-04:00

An Egyptian felt the need of a brain transplant and walking into a surgical supply store asked what they had in the ay of brains. He was shown the brain of an excellent mathematician who had died the year before at the age of sixty. In view of his age, he could have it for five hundred dollars.

The Egyptian felt the age was a disadvantage. "Do you have anything younger?"

A peasant's brain was shown him. He had died at the age of twenty-five.

The Egyptian shook his head. He was a little too high-class for a peasant's brain. "What is this one?" he said suddenly, for one brain was encased in a beautiful glass-walled refrigerator with a spotlight on it.

"That," said the dealer, "is our prize possession. It is the brain of an Egyptian general who died fighting gallantly against Israel in the Six-Day War, and it costs a hundred thousand dollars."

"A hundred thousand dollars!" said the would-be customer, shocked. "why so much?"

And the dealer said, "Because it's never been used."

Thanks once again to Isaac.

Socket To Me

2003-06-09T17:04:00.000-04:00

Spent most of the day struggling through the process of cramming a square Apache 1.3 configuration file from one of our aging Solaris servers into a round Apache 2 hole on one of the new Linux boxes. I learned a lot, which meant that my office mates spent most of the day listening to me curse before I finally got the web server to start.

I'm still not done. Just because something is running doesn't mean that it's running correctly. You could probably get a Trans-Am to run on french fry oil, but that doesn't mean it'll run very long. In fact, odds are that the new Apache is running badly, especially as the only way I managed to get the old config file parsed correctly was to cut and paste large chunks of Apache 2 configuration code that we don't really understand into it. I'll have to start pruning tomorrow, cutting out code and restarting the process to see which bits are critical and which are useless window dressing.

Yes, I could have read the documentation, but that would have taken just as long, and leave me knowing less than I do now. It's been my experience that after the first 15 minutes of looking at documentation my brain shuts down out of sheer boredom and stops learning anyway. Documentation is almost always written from the viewpoint that the reader knows as much as the writer, a assumption that is demonstrably wrong, else the reader wouldn't be there in the first place, so it's also confusing.

This is the error dogged me most of today.

"no listening sockets available, shutting down
Unable to open logs."

Think of a socket as one of the little holes an early telephone operator plugged a line into. Most programs connect to specific ones, identified for convenience's sake by numbers, usually called ports. One can tell Apache to connect to any port one wishes, but it defaults to port 80. What the error is saying is that for some reason port 80 is unavailable. But, since it can't open the log file, it iss unable to tell me why. Most of my job is spent looking at log files; so not having one is like making Batman fight crime without his utility belt.

Or in my case, arms or legs.

Normally the "no sockets available" message would mean one thing---that I'm a dumbass who already has Apache or some other web server running, thus closing the port off from new connections. Turn off the offending process, and my problems are solved. Google the error and that will be the solution to almost all of the links brought up.

In this case, that wasn't it. There's a command, "netstat -a," that will let me see which ports are in use at any particular time, and when I ran it "80" was nowhere to be found.

So instead of the error meaning that I was a dumbass, it meant that someone up there hated me. There's nothing more frustrating than a error with no explanation and no clues, except perhaps looking at the documentation in the mistaken belief that it might help.

The first thing I did was to start removing parts of the old configuration, reasoning that by cutting out code I could eventually isolate the problem. Our standard Apache config is over 2000 lines long, so it took a while. This only works if the bug is being caused by something in the code, not if the bug is due to something missing from the code, so Apache still refused to start even after I reduced the file down to about 10 lines.

That's when I started throwing extra code in. I think I've identified the code snippet responsible for ending my sisyphean task;

# Listen: Allows you to bind Apache to specific IP addresses and/or
# ports, instead of the default. See also the
# directive.
#
# Change this to Listen on specific IP addresses as shown below to
# prevent Apache from glomming onto all bound IP addresses (0.0.0.0)
#
#Listen 12.34.56.78:80

Listen 80

The above is part of the global configuration part of the Apache 2 configuration, something that isn't specified in the same manner our 1.3 files. Tomorrow I'll take it out and hope everything breaks. If not, then I'll curse and start again.

Comments Are Down

2003-06-09T12:44:00.000-04:00

It appears as if Haloscan is suffering from a billing dispute with it's new hosting provider.

Update: From Haloscan

Server Work in progress
Our host (not us) ran into problems and had to freeze the site temporarily while doing repairs. All your accounts and comments are safe and backed up and we are working with the host to bring the site back up as soon as possible. Thanks for your patience.

A Dose of Reality

2003-06-09T10:18:00.000-04:00

Hillary Clinton has stated that she is not planning to run for the presidency in either of the next 2 elections. I'm sure that a number of advisors have spoken to her about this, and tried to give her some advice as to what her chances might be if she were to run for the highest office in the land. Personally, I think the advice could be reduced to one sentence: "People are not ready to elect a woman as President of the U.S."

I'm sure that will anger some people, but I have no doubt that it is the truth. I'm sure, with all of her experience and her smarts, that Hillary is qualified to be president. In reality, there are so many people who run the presidency that she could make it through a term without doing worse than some presidents we have had in the past, but America is still not ready to give this responsibility to a woman. I, unlike many people, would not rule her out because I am a Republican, or because I didn't like her husband when he was in office, because neither of those reasons are true for me. I am a registered Democrat and don't have any problems with Bill or his time in office. I am just being realistic and understand that many voters still would be hesitant to vote for a woman or any other person who falls into a major minority category. I think that even women are not ready to vote for a woman. Sure, some would jump on her bandwagon just because of women's rights, blah, blah, blah, but I think it is still an unspoken belief that a woman would not be as effective as a man in that role.

Maybe she will run in 2012, but a lot will have to change between now and then for her to have a chance, but who knows............maybe hell will freeze.

Pitiful Stab At Humorous Title Goes Here

2003-06-09T00:47:00.000-04:00

Bird on a Wire.

Shark on a Segway.

Cantillon Kriek Lambic

2003-06-08T23:31:00.000-04:00

Beer of the Night

Though this will likely come a surprise to many, there are times when I skip the whole rigamarole surrounding a beer post and just drink the damn stuff. The Cantillon Gueze made it through without me taking note one Saturday night, as did the Top of the Hill cask beer the day before.

I tell a lie. I did take notes on the cask beer, but it was more about the horror of being presented with three quarters of a pitcher of beer in the middle of a workday by a beaming brewmaster when I was expecting to partake of a pint before going back to work. Good beer though. Slightly less hoppy than an IPA, as citrusy as one would expect with a trace of butterscotch overtone towards the end. It went really well with the fries and a steak sandwich.

I pitched a beer blog to the editor of All About Beer magazine earlier that day. They're local, and I figured it might get me into the seasonal beer festivals for free, so why not? It was via email, so I don't expect to hear back, but I still think it's a good idea, especially for niche publications like All About Beer. It enables them to engage their readership on a daily basis rather than a monthly or bi-monthly one, with all that means as far as advertising and promotion, as well as giving them an outlet for material that dates easily or doesn't fit into an issue for one reason or another. There are other beer blogs, but they don't appear to update very often, which means that the genre is someone's for the taking.

Yes, I'd like to be the Instapundit of Beer blogs. Who wouldn't? The glamour, the groupies, the.......possibility that people might send me six packs of free review beer.

mmmmmm.......free beer.

The only question in my mind is whether or not there enough material around to justify a beer blog, say one updated three or four times a day. There's a daily review, yes, but what else is there? Is there enough daily new material to support a blog devoted entirely to beer?

I think there is. Taking just today as an example, there's the gripping story behind Police Car Damaged By Flying Beer Cans, where a group of underage drinkers in a red hatchback tossed full cans of Natural Ice at the pursuing cops during a high speed pursuit.

Natural Ice, the beer with the taste that makes you want to hurl........it at the pigs.

There's also Anheuser-Busch, who has started to market an upscale beer, Anheuser World Select, in hopes of improving their share of the beer geek market.

The company is quick to point out that World Select comes in green bottles with embossed labeling. Heineken, a top import made by the Dutch brewer Heineken, also comes in green bottles.

Because what's on the outside of a beer bottle has always been more important to Anheuser-Busch than what's on the inside.

Finally, Dogfish Head WorldWide Stout, the strongest beer in the world.

AS the effects kick in I decide it is time to turn on the charm with the ladies. Dutch courage, you've got to love it.

First up is a pretty blonde called Eve. The unsuspecting banker is enjoying a quiet glass of wine when bottle in hand I stagger, I mean sidle, up. Surprisingly the 26-year-old from Richmond, South-West London, is unimpressed by my patter and soon gives me the brush-off. "Don't drink this stuff if you want to go out on the pull," she tells me.

NEXT I try my luck with Melanie, 27, another banker. "The beer makes you really sexy and attractive," she purrs.

There's a noise behind me and I turn round to see her friends laughing hysterically. When I turn back Melanie has gone.

Might have to find me some of that for the fishing trip come October. It sounds like it would improve my conversational skills.

There's more, a lot more. One could easily beer blog all day long.

No, that's not a threat.

The Fourth Day

2003-06-08T23:27:00.000-04:00

Another Six-Day war joke, stolen from my pal Isaac.

He refers to it during his section on the Six-Day war, not as a joke about that war per se, but as an example of one way in which the Jews viewed themselves before the war, and how refreshing the change was afterwards.

Two Jews were up against the wall, hands tied behind their backs, waiting to be shot.

The officer in charge of the firing squad came to them and asked curtly, "Do you want a final cigarette?"

The first Jew replied, "Keep your cigarette, you murdering bum!"

Whereupon the second Jew whispered anxiously, "Quiet, Jake. Don't make trouble."

A Little Place Blogging, for Fred

2003-06-08T23:12:00.000-04:00

It's rained here 12 of the last 15 weekends. Of the three clear weekends, we were gone for two and having a baby on the other one. The area as a whole is nearly 12 inches over normal for the year. (Thanks to Newmark's Door for the link.) This time last year we were in a drought.

I'm finding I preferred the drought, despite the whole "Oh my god there's going to be water riots and we're all going to die" vibe the Sainted Wife kept giving off. A lawn that crackles when you walk on it is annoying, but a lawn that wells up between the toes with every step is worse. Ngnat used to think "barefoot walking" on the lawn was a treat. Now she stays in the garage and draws what looks like an endless series of chalk jellyfish on the cement.

"I like your jellyfish." I told her last night. "Are they the ones from Spongebob?"

"They're men," she said to me indignantly.

All the rain has also been bad for the tomato plants, but good for mushrooms, the now brilliantly blue hydrangeas and the wildlife. The grass in the yard has been overrun with hundreds of little frogs, appropriately known as Pseudacris ocularis, the....Little Grass Frog. Small snakes seem to be the frog's main threat, so I'm hoping to run across a bumper crop of them soon. Meanwhile, there are an inordinate number of flat little silhouettes decorating the driveway.

There was also a 10 or 12 pound snapping turtle crawling through the remains of the garden the other day, one of the few I've ever seen close up. It was at least a mile from a body of water large enough to support it. Ngnat and I crouched in front of him, and I warned her to stay away from turtles with bumpy backs while I held a stick out as bait. The snapper's strike was so swift I involuntarily jerked. The stick snapped, Ngnat burst into tears, and the snapper went on its grouchy way.

I may have put her off turtles for good.

I took a couple of snapper pics, but with Mom's digital camera rather than my own, so until she mails them I can't post them. Don't think they were that good to begin with; given the height of the grass it was in, good camera range was uncomfortably close to being within striking range.

The rain seemingly has affected the normal food supply for the birds in the area as well. I would think that more rain equals more bugs to feed on, but there's a steady traffic at the feeders. I've seen mockingbirds at the suet feeder for the first time in...ever, as well as pair of bluebirds with two fledglings desperately demanding food. Flickers and Red Bellied Woodpeckers have joined them, then flown to the top of the chimney to announce their presence and mark their territory by drumming on the hollow metal cover at the top. It's very resonant, so they use it often. I keep hoping the Red headed and Pileated woodpeckers I've seen in the bottomland behind the house will join them, at least at the feeder, but no luck so far. A Pileated would probably sound a like a jackhammer if they ever did drop by, damn things were the size of crows.

The hummingbird feeder also ran dry in less than a week for the first time I can recall. There's a little male who perches on the deckrail underneath almost all day long, guarding it from interlopers. I've seen dogfights so acrobatic they'd put dolphins to shame in the four by four area around the feeder. Males will come in to be chased away by the resident male, and while the guard is off chasing them a female drops in, to be chased off in her turn by the resident female. I can't see how they find the time to breed and raise a brood, they seem to spend most of the day guarding the sugar water.

The old wives tail isn't true, though. Hummingbirds can't fly between rain drops. I was out on the covered part of the deck yesterday and saw a big fat one hit the male dead amidships. He bounced like God's tiniest basketball and kept on, seemingly none the worse for his drenching. He landed on the rail, shook his head like a dog and cursed.

"I know what you mean." I told him. "Bloody weather."

Mr. Answer Man Denigrates Your Alcohol

2003-06-08T00:58:00.000-04:00

Deb of MustBeNice asks

"Seriously, not to make an issue or nothin' but what are the chick beers?

*checks fridge.. finds budweiser cans and a rolling rock pony bottle from last summer*

Well, just because you're a chick doesn't mean you drink chick beers. Anyone who drinks a year-old Rolling Rock pony bottle is a man in my book.

A stupid man, but a man nonetheless.

Also, the definition changes with time. When Miller Lite first came out, it was seen as a chick beer. Real men didn't worry about calories in 1973, it seemed. Advertising changed all that, though it just made it more acceptable for men to drink light beer rather moving woman to another drink. That particular feat is harder than one might think. Remember shandy?

The latest chick beer is Michelob Ultra, though there is a growing class of what might be called chick alcohol. All are malt beverages, aka alcopops, scions of Zima sent forth to trouble the unhappy world. Many are marketed under the brand name of a liquor company or have descriptions like "hard lemonade." The once hot cider market has been infected by the practice, and sales have slumped in response.

It's only a matter of time before we see Bartles & James Hard Raspberry Lemonade. Other than that, chick beers can be regional in nature, or comparative. Amstel Light was a chick beer in Chapel Hill for a number of years, and most women in brewpubs will invariably order the lighter lagers over the IPAs, porters and stouts.

But the real definition of a chick beer, as any man will tell you is: "Whatever beer it is that a woman is drinking, as long as I am not also drinking it."

We're funny that way.

The Reign of Terror. Now with Beads!

2003-06-07T23:57:00.000-04:00

Aintnobaddude rather querulously wonders "What the fuck are Mickey Kaus and the journo-bloggers going to write about now that their favorite pinata, Howell Raines, is history? And more importantly, will anyone give a shit?"

The journo-bloggers will turn their attentions to Joseph Lelyveld, of course, and whomever succeeds him. Journo-blogging is what they do, after all. Romenesko is not likely to be suffering from a lack of news just because Howell isn't there to shove around anymore. Some vague memory of a post somewhere suggests to me that Bill Keller might get something of a honeymoon if he's next in the NYT's hot seat, but he probably won't. It's the nature of the NYT editorship now. Whomever has that post is a target, just like whomever is occupying the seats of the President, Attorney General and to a lesser extent the Director's offices at the CIA and FBI is a target.

Some on the blogging left have already started to make noise about Lelyveld and the NYT during Whitewater, so I suspect he'll be attacked from all sides the moment he shows a vulnerable flank. Howell Raines and Trent Lott were just the first people to be knocked off their pedestals thanks in some part to the electronic scribblings of Blogistan. They certainly won't be the last. The mob knows its power now, and is as likely to cease hounding those in the public eye as the Parisian mob of revolutionary France was to cease guillotining them.

I'll be there too, of course, firing off my little popgun and shouting Tallyho! with the rest of the mob, as unquestioning of my role in that milieu as a turn of the century English squire was in his. It's bloody fun, you see, taking potshots at the high and mighty. And if I manage to convince a few others to fire a few shots in the same direction? Well, that's even more fun.

The bigger the mob, the more tempting it is to turn against it, to shout at it, denigrate it, and ultimately try to deflect it to a new path. Opposing the mob is also a bloody fun thing, so I and many others will do that occasionally as well, as unquestioning of our correctness as John Dos Passos at a union rally. It's a dangerous role, in that opposition to the mob makes one feel noble and brave, and those feelings are extremely seductive. Especially when one survives the experience, and the more virtual mobs get, the easier it is to oppose them. Eventually that noble feeling becomes more important than anything else, so one opposes the mob no matter what, even when the mob is right. If you can't think of at least a few people on both sides of the political spectrum who have fallen into this trap, you aren't trying hard enough.

Historically the problem with mobs is that they're stupid. Communications percolate inefficiently through the mass, so critical information like "We are trampling people to death in our effort to get the best seats at this Who concert" takes too long to register if it ever registers at all.

That's no longer necessarily so. Just like everything else, the mob is becoming wired. Individuals within the mob find it easier to make themselves heard by the whole, which gives them some leverage over some portion of the whole for a limited time. Voices still rise and fall, calling out for the ouster of one leader, or shouting out in support of him. Others just scream "Look at my tits" trading leverage for notoriety. Which is fine. The mob is still human, with all of the contradictory and self defeating impulses humans has always possessed. The mob is always going to want to look at a nice pair of tits.

But the mob is not longer as slow of thought as it once was. It can multitask now, something unprecedented in history. "Yes," the mob says, "those are some almighty fine honkers. We can look at them, consider a position on stringer policy at a major metropolitan daily, and debate the sexuality of an animated sponge all at the same time. "

The more people that discover that their voice can be heard, the more targets they will point out, targets as varied as the stars in the sky. Someone will shout the Internet equivalent of "Look at that bastard", and a portion of the crowd will turn its attention that way. Some will take up the cry. Others might oppose it. If enough of the mob agrees, then down whomever it is will come, and the fragment that coalesced in pursuit of that end will dissolve, never to reform again.

The same wave never strikes the shore twice, but the shoreline changes regardless.

Howell Raines and Trent Lott are victims of natural selection. In the eternal power struggle between leader and led, the led have evolved a new strategy. The advantage won't last. The blogosphere may bring down the next NYT editor or the one after that, but it almost certainly won't be able to do what it it did to Howell to the man or woman who holds the same position ten years from now. The NYT will evolve practices that lessen that likelihood in sheer self defense, or there won't be an NYT. Politicians will develop similar mechanisms and the temporary advantages of the maddening crowd will be gone.

Note that the mechanisms won't necessarily be bad. Yes, bread and circuses calm the mob, but openness and accountability prevent it from getting riled up in the first place. Informing the mob, especially as it grows ever smarter, will prove more effective than appeasing it, and cost less to boot.

Openness and accountability are simple solutions, but not preferable ones. Many more of those in a position of power will need a taste of the Internet's lash before those strategies are adopted.

We just need to keep cracking the whip.

The Third Day

2003-06-07T23:22:00.000-04:00

And now, for some stereotype.

Why did the Six-Day War last only six days?

Because Israel's weapons were rented by the week.

Grass Before Breakfast

2003-06-06T23:14:00.000-04:00

I do believe our honor has been sullied.

I have not forgotten my first visit to Silflay Hraka. I remember it because a big print entry promoting the site proudly patted SH on the back for calling Cynthia McKinney a "nigger." Brian Linse told me that Silfray Hraka is just a tech site and they didn't mean anything by the banner, which was up for at least a month. (link to Brian added)

Just a tech site?!! Just a tech site?!! This calls for pistols at dawn.

Memory's a funny thing. The only thing close to a banner we've ever had on the site is the title one above. Some other site may have had one, I suppose, but we never did. As for the post, there's only one that's ever appeared on the site that contains both the words "McKinney" and "Nigger", and it's about Billy. Judge for yourself.

Update: It turns out that Silver Rights and Mac-a-ro-nies are published by the same person, if the email address listed at each is anything to go by.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. We've a second blog as well, though we don't use it for anything other than html experimentation. It is a little weird, though, and not only grammatically, to see a person refer to themselves in the third person, as in this post;

Chris Lawrence of Signifying Nothing still refuses to hear any evil about the Klansman without the robes known as Judge Charles Pickering. Keeping true to his roots as a privileged white Mississipian, he has apparently refused to read either the earlier revelations about Pickering in Salon and other publications, blog entries by bloggers Atrios, Josh Marshall and Mac Diva, or the famous article in the WaPo last week.

or in this one

*Silver Rights. J.'s entry is "Some logs and a bottle of wine." It is an essay about white privilege viewed through the lens of petty theft.

The only reason I even noticed this is that while Mac Diva has plenty to say about us, well, me at Silver Rights, when she comes here to comment she lists Mac-a-ro-nies as her home page, even when the post she is commenting on deals directly with what she has written at Silver Rights.

That's this very post for those of you keeping score at home.

At no point during her visits here does the Mac Diva identify herself as the publisher of Silver Rights. Now yes, regular readers of Mac-a-ro-nies would know that she has another blog, but presumably she knows her audience well enough to realize that I wasn't part of it.

The practice strikes me as.....sneaky, at the very least. Also cunning, which I approve of, but mostly sneaky.

Which I......also approve of.

But is it acceptable blog etiquette? I'd argue that what fuels discussion in the blogosphere are clear and open flows of information, and by not pointing out that she was the author of the original post, Mac Diva obscures information pertinent to the case at hand. Upon discovery of that fact, the immediate question is "Why would someone do that?" and there's just not a lot of innocent answers to that question.

A Final Update: A collection of links, for context

Zod: And chortling, don't forget the chortling!
I shan't.

The Rittenhouse Review
P.L.A. - A Journal of Politics, Law and Autism
The Watch
Wampum
Ruminate This
Ain'tnobaddude
The Gweilo Diaries

The Second Day

2003-06-06T22:49:00.000-04:00

What was the the motto of the Israeli travel industry during the course of the Six-Day War?

Visit Israel and see the Pyramids.

Quzzical

2003-06-06T16:20:00.000-04:00

Who said the following?

We have been led toward war by a minority of our people. This minority has power. It has influence. It has a loud voice. But it does not represent the American people. During the last several years, I have travelled over this country, from one end to the other. I have talked to many hundreds of men and women, and I have had letters from tens of thousands more, who feel the same way as you and I. Most of these people have no influence or power. Most of them have no means of expressing their convictions, except by their vote which has always been against this war. They are the citizens who have had to work too hard at their daily jobs to organize political meetings. Hitherto, they have relied upon their vote to express their feelings; but now they find that it is hardly remembered except in the oratory of a political campaign. These people--the majority of hard-working American citizens are with us. They are the true strength of our country. And they are beginning to realize, as you and I, that there are times when we must sacrifice our normal interests in life in order to insure the safety and the welfare of our nation.

Leave your guess in the comments, if you like. The answer's here.

The Seaton Road Curse

2003-06-06T13:41:00.000-04:00

Since October there have been two murders in my old neighborhood, a 50 home townhouse complex, one in October and one in January, though the body was recovered just last week. Both of them were in the 25 home section across the street from the section we lived in. Now one of the kids from the same section has been arrested for an attempted armed robbery of the jewelry store where SW and I bought our wedding rings.

Two teens armed with what appeared to be a 9 mm handgun entered the business and attempted to rob it. They ran off without taking anything.

A short time later, Durham police officers and a Durham County sheriff’s deputy spotted two teens matching the descriptions of the suspects near the intersection of Highgate and Audubon Lake drives and took them into custody.

Joshua Hunter, 16, of 1304 Seaton Road, and Adam Mack, 18, of 120 Carlion Court, were each charged with attempted robbery with a dangerous weapon.

We'd kept up our membership dues at the neighborhood pool there; it had a wading pool that Ngnat loved, but we've decided against it this year.

Coming Soon To A Blockbuster Near You

2003-06-06T13:02:00.000-04:00

Some of the games played at Hala Hussein's birthday party, now available on video CD.

Pin the Tail on the Shi'ite - Heated hatpins dipped in ethyl alcohol have never been more exciting! Digital Dolby sound technology means that you won't miss a single gibber, wail, or piteous moan!

Musical Electrical Chairs - In a tingling twist on a classic party activity, not only is one chair removed after each round (with the loser shot in the back of the head by the cutest birthday girl you've ever seen), but one of the remaining is electrified. Watch hapless Marsh Arabs squirm and sweat as the smell of cooked piggie fills the air!

The Eyeball Stomp - Why bother blowing up balloons when there's an endless supply of eyeballs coming in from Baghdad's prisons? Hilarity fills the screen as the participants shoot them across the floor like watermelon seeds!

Blindman's Bluff - Played in conjunction with the eyeball stomp! Any player who recovers both his eyes before they're stomped flat gets a pardon!

Duck Duck Noose - Catch the duck or proceed to the next game; Hangman!, played on a life size gallows made from Legos.

Piñata Party - Every child has one of their own! Played with a 5 iron and the unlucky participants of Hangman; the first child to splatter the audience with organ parts wins an Uzi and a lifetime supply of ammunition!

Gordian Human Knot - Ten Kurds have ten minutes to untangle themselves or sword wielding preteens solve the problem for them. Hilarity abounds when Saddam lets the excited swordbearers go two minutes before the deadline!

Saddam Says - Uh-oh Hala! Daddy didn't say Saddam says! Watch Hala decide which of her little friends she likes the least!

Uday's jewels - Uday has hidden weapons of mass destruction somewhere in the Middle East. Can you find them?

Rock, Paper, Sarin - The classic children's game of elimination, played in a locked gas chamber! Best two out of three wins, and only the winner gets a key!

Kickballs - Last prisoner to grunt in agony wins!

Charades - Hans Blix and Kofi Annan's personal favorite! Filmed in conjunction with Uday's Jewels, Charades is a scavenger hunt played with UN weapons inspectors where the treasures are moved constantly, then finally shipped over the border to safety.

Due to technological problems, Democratic leaders and Labor party activists are unable to see any parts of the cd other than the initial stages of Charades, which is presented as a Public Television documentary narrated by Bill Moyers and Sean Penn.

Ammitday Eevilway!

2003-06-06T00:46:00.000-04:00

You know, I sent Doctor Weevil my two bucks ages ago. Where's my Virro listing?

Klan Memories

2003-06-06T00:29:00.000-04:00

Clubbeaux sticks his neck out on the Klan.

I’d guess there’s an equal number of genuine racists in both the KKK and the Rainbow Coalition, and the rest of them are members because “Well, they’re the ones who stick up for what matters to my daily life, forget the rest of the crap.”

A Klansman once pulled a shotgun on my father while we were playing catch in the front yard of our house. I was about 4. I'll blog about it one day, if I can find his notes from that occasion. It had something something to do with a Vietnam protest his students had organized. He was the "commie preacher who spit on the American flag" if my memory of the quote is correct. When dad ran for town council 12 years or so after that the same guy bought a tape machine and recorded a two-minute phone message about how horrible my father was. We spent most of August dialing it up and playing it for our friends at the pool.

I found out later who he was. His daughter and I had been in the same class since first grade. She was thin, quiet, nervous, and picked last for every team sport. I don't recall her ever having a friend. She was part of the rejected troika; the fat clumsy guy who came out in college, the poor incest victim, who never bathed as a result, and her. She wasn't marked on the outside like the other two, but she was rejected out of hand just the same.

I expect she was just as much a victim of the Klan as any black person with a burning cross in the front yard, but she wasn't as lucky.

When you're black, the Klan eventually leaves you alone.

Post of the Night

2003-06-05T23:32:00.000-04:00

Phrase of the Day - Traumatized nipples. Nipples that practically shriek in fear and agony when the gaping, drooling maw approaches.

It's not opening! It's not opening! It's not wide enough! Game over man!

Things are getting better, else I'd dare not joke about it. We have come into possession of Soothies, and they have soothed

Beer of the Night - Lindemans Cassis Lambic A Lambic version of a chick beer seems to be the opinion of most of the reviews I've read. It's brewed with black currants, which reduces the expected sourness of a lambic to a surprising degree and gives the beer a dark purplish hue. I don't think it's more cloying as a result, rather that the initially smooth and sweet sensation rapidly overcome by the sour quality of other lambics is allowed to spread and develop in the Lindemans Cassis. It's like having a mouthful of cool silk. The sour notes are still present, mind you, but are more reminiscent of oranges than grapefruit in quality.

Homer would drink a ton of this stuff with porkchops, breaking Duffman's heat in the process.

"Stabbing!...Pain!....In!....Arm!... Time for a.....Duff Light!"

Can't see Moe serving them, though. Too much of a fancy pants aroma around the lambics. Expensive to start off with, and possessing a cork and a bottle to boot. Entire bars would sober up in the time it takes to open the bottle. I have seen the Framboise available on draft, at a little converted movie theatre in Asheville when we were on our honeymoon, but never any of the other Lindemans varieties

Didn't have time for more than pint, well, half pint. 8 ounces is about as much lambic as one gets at a time.

Small portions, another strike against the style. I would have had more, but she had other things on her mind.

The Biltmore Estate, of course.

The First Day

2003-06-05T22:43:00.000-04:00

A joke for Meryl, in honor of the 36th anniversary of the Six-Day War, from my buddy Isaac.

The Syrian government had finally decided to end the tension and wage a preventive war against Israel. On the night before H-hour at dawn, three divisions had lined up at the border, ready for the signal to advance. As they waited, fidgety and tense, a single Israeli soldier walked up the border, submachine gun on his soldier. He looked the line of tanks, artillery and soldiers with surprise.

"Hey," he said, "you men better be careful. You'll get into trouble."

"Get that man," snapped a Syrian officer.

At the command, two men dashed forward after the Israeli soldier, who retreated hastily behind a nearby ridge. After a few moments, the Israeli appeared once more, came forward, and said, "I'm warning you. If you're still here by dawn, you'll be in a heap of trouble."

The Syrian officer swore and gestured quickly. This time a dozen soldiers and a tank pursued the Israeli soldier behind the ridge. There was the sound of shouting and screaming, and then silence fell. The officer smiled, but the smile vanished when the Israeli soldier once again appeared and said, "That does it, you dumbbells. Now you're going to get it."

The Syrian officer's head swam in a red haze of fury. He could wait for H-hour no longer. "Forward," he screamed.

As the entire Syrian fighting front moved into Israeli territory, there emerged from behind the ridge a battered Syrian soldier from the previous fighting force.

He waved desperately and screamed, "Go back! Go back! It's a trap! There's a second Israeli soldier hiding here!"

Update: Thanks to reader MunDane, who pointed out that the joke is a variation on an old Scottish story called Red Rory of the Glen.

Run in Circles, Scream And Shout

2003-06-05T20:36:00.000-04:00

The ninth case of SARS in North Carolina hits close to home.

June 3, 2003: North Carolina reported its ninth case of suspected SARS to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The patient is an Orange County man who developed symptoms after returning to North Carolina from a trip to Toronto, Canada. He is being treated as an outpatient and is recovering at home under isolation.

From an email that just went out to the University Faculty and Staff:

We wanted to make you aware that the Orange County Health Department has identified a contract employee working for the University's Energy Services as potentially having Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS). The diagnosis has not been confirmed. Employees who have been in contact with the individual have been identified and
have received special notification from the Health Department.

According to the Health Department, the contractor last worked here on May 23 and had no symptoms at that time. The incubation period for this disease is 10 days, and we are beyond that period. The potential for transmission of infection without symptoms is very low.

Leakage

2003-06-05T14:46:00.000-04:00

Executive Editor of The Times and Top Deputy Step Down

In front of dozens of reporters, editors, photographers and other newsroom staff members, many of whom sobbed audibly, Mr. Raines, 60, told them: "Remember, when a great story breaks out, go like hell."

Yea, I cry when I'm happy, too.

A Jam Of Tarts

2003-06-05T14:32:00.000-04:00

Having a hard time (giggle, snort) trying to find an online copy of the prostitution tips pamphlet funded by the West Australian government?

Never fear. Our crack staff (nudge, nudge) has found a partial copy of the handout given to novice streetwalkers to help them maintain a regular client base, negotiate safe-sex services and set boundaries, such as mandatory condom use.

The Phoenix Group's Top Tens Ways To Increase Your Customer Base

10. When serving from beneath, try not to comment on how much the ceiling could use a new coat of paint.
9. When serving from above, avoid looking at one's watch, and remember, almost all nail care chores are somewhat off putting to the consumer.
8. Many people have names other than named "John"
7. Not all your customers will be sailors, and some people will actually expect a nice cuppa if it has been offered.
6. Muslim men are used to being dominated.
5. When entertaining a Frenchmen, use a bed with patterned linens and sheets. The white ones tend to go missing.
4. Always ask the customer if they would like to swipe their card through the slot again
3. Shooting Ping Pong balls across the room is all fun and games until someone gets their eye put out.
2. Never question a man's caliber when playing the "This is my rifle, This is my gun" game.

And finally, the Number One way to keep your customers coming back for more

1. Give it away for free

Hon, There's A Professor Xavier On The Phone?

2003-06-05T10:45:00.000-04:00

Well, he's got his father's genitalia.

More Skillz Than Me. Also More Patience.

2003-06-04T23:58:00.000-04:00

My God. How long did it take to make a recipe rhyme?

Rosé de Gambrinus

2003-06-04T23:07:00.000-04:00

Beer of the night.

Any beer that features a drawing of a naked blonde lady being fondled by what appears to be King Gambrinus or possibly The Gimp in one of his lighter moments deserves a taste. But for God's sake don't buy it at Whole Foods if you can possibly avoid it. Their price on a Lindemans Framboise was three and a half bucks higher than the same bottle at Harris Teeter, so the rest of the beers are also probably overpriced. Goddamn profit-mongering hippies. Come the revolution, I'm going to have them shot by the lawyers.

Michael Jackson, no not that one, the Beerhunter, calls the Rosé "The world's most famous framboise," which is probably on the same level of fame as the world's most famous dobro player. Not counting Curtis Lowe, of course. The brewer, Cantillon, is certainly one of the more sought after brewers of Belgian beers, and one of my favorites. When I saw the Rosé and its three other brethren up on the shelf at the store, I had to suppress an urge to run around shouting "The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!"

Yes, I'm a dope, but that's the about the level of excitement I experienced. It's all I can do to keep from downing them all in one sitting, though I may try the lambic/white mix that the commenter Eli called a "Sweet Ho", in honor of the naked lady above, of course. I bought a Lindemans Framboise and an Allegash White for that, though. Not going to sully a Cantillon beverage by mixing it with something else. It would be like cutting 25 year old single malt with ginger ale. It doesn't matter what it tastes like, it simply isn't done unless one wishes to be thought an uncultured poltroon.

Framboise is the raspberry variation of a Belgian lambic, a fruit beer brewed only in Belgium's Senne Valley. The wild yeasts in that area are critical to the process of making a lambic, which in consequence is impossible to brew anywhere else. They also taste like no other beer on the planet. Many of the more commercial lambics (Lindemans) have sugar added to the process, which cuts down one the lip puckering sourness of an untouched lambic, but Cantillon, the brewer of the Rosé de Gambrinus and four or five of the other lambics I bought today eschews that practice, so all of their beers are characterized by a very sour fruitiness.

Which the Rosé surely has. The smell is incredibly tangy, and that's coming from a man with hardly a sense of smell at all. It could probably be used as perfume. The color is a deep reddish gold, like a bloody honey As for taste, there's a hint of smooth sweetness at the beginning, one lasting barely a moment before a dry combination of tart cherries and grapefruit smacks the taste buds into next week. The warmer the beer got, the less potent the kick, until at room temperature the sourness was merely a pleasant reminder of what came before. I wish I had another.

But instead I'll have a Ho. Same glass type, I would think, which for lambics is stemmed like a wine or pilsner glass rather than shaped like an English pint or American mixing glass. On the bottle labels produced for the export market the Belgian brewers make a point of practically begging one to use the correct glass. It seems snobby, but what they really want is for the beer to be presented in the best possible manner, so that you'll buy more.

Buying Lambic glasses on Ebay has proven to be an excellent way of annoying the wife, so I make sure to use them, though presumably not using them would be even more annoying. They also need to be hand washed rather than put un the dishwasher. Can't have harsh detergent residue interfering with the bouquet, you know. Also very annoying to the little woman.

The Sweet Ho tastes almost exactly like a Lindemans lambic would by itself. Possibly not quite as sweet. The mix is three-fifths Allegash; I would have expected more of the white ale to come through. The bouquet is definitely reduced from that of a lambic, but that's the only obvious difference.

-----------------------

That last paragraph took 15 minutes. My typing has slowed down, not because of the beer, lambic being notoriously low in alcohol levels, but because of Scotty M, who refuses to sleep for any length of time unless he's being held. He's in what SW calls the "Daddy bed", two pillows on top of my lap, jammed against the computer desk. I hold him in my left arm, and type over him with my right. Ngnat spent hours in the same position when she was small. It's good for surfing, not so much for typing.

And it's hot. The arm holding him sweats, my legs sweat, and my back sweats. Bloody child is like a 6 inch thick heating pad.

He ate every hour on the hour last night, though, from 9 pm to 5 in the morning. SW doesn't wish for that to happen again, so I'm holding him. Silence is golden.

It's also damp.

Excuse Me, Must Dash Off To The Gun Shop

2003-06-04T13:57:00.000-04:00

Kill Your Parents. Then, Kill Yourself.

Let's You and Him Fight

2003-06-04T13:11:00.000-04:00

Say Uncle also pointed me towards the latest tempest in a teacup to roil blogdom. I'm a bad man, I couldn't help but slow down to watch.

But it reminded me of the last tempest to perturb the waters off Hraka's shores, and what I'd emailed then. I never got around to posting it, but I figure now is as good a time as then.

You can't do anything about how you've been wronged, but you can do something about being in the wrong. If you don't, then all that's left is sniping at each other, wasting time and energy on blogitics rather than in writing. Apologize to each other, and apologize to everyone else to dragging them into this tar baby of antipathy.

Here's are my rules for blogging, and bloggers. I'm not saying anyone else should adopt them, and I'm not saying that all should live by them. They're just my rules, and I try to keep them.

1. Thou shalt not Fisk thy blogger brethren. There are plenty of other targets for your truncheons and stilettos out there.

2. If you disagree with another blogger's argument, do so in reasoned tones. Not everybody knows as much as you, and you get more flies with honey than with vinegar.

3. If someone attacks you out of the blue, assume that the odds are at least equal that your writing is as much to blame for his reaction as is his pinheaded stupidity. It not only helps you to be a better writer in future, it prevents an impassioned response that you regret later. By all means defend yourself, but defend yourself as if your grandmother is watching. It makes you better. If your opponent refuses to rise to your level, he's a troll.

4. Ignore trolls.

5. Don't blog angry. Feel free to write angry, but let it sit before you post. I have a hard time with that one.

6. Don't fight in public. People always look like shit after a fight, and there's no point in having a audience that remembers you looking like shit.

I'm sure I'll have occasion to refer back to the above in future. Human nature being what it is, we're assured of a constant supply of catfights and spats in the future. But if one follows the rules, the nice thing is that they'll involve people other than oneself.

How did that sound? Did the pedestal I was standing on make me look fat? 'Cause I have a variety of them to chose from.

Damn The Internet! Full Speed Ahead!

2003-06-04T12:43:00.000-04:00

Say Uncle confesses to having a spot of moonshine every now and then. When I first ran across that post, I was all ready to write up the story about my college experience with moonshine, the one I tell at parties when the subject comes up, until I remembered that I'd stolen that entire story from P.J. O'Rourke. I'd changed a few of details, of course; the party was in Ehringhaus, and the liquor came from Pittsboro rather than Darktown, but the essential details were the same.

It was a good story, but the thanks to Google and the nature of blogdom, one I can no longer attribute to myself.

At least not anywhere near a computer with an Internet connection.

Call To Prayer

2003-06-04T11:58:00.000-04:00

Omnibus Bill has written a statement of faith for the North State Blogs, The Carolina Barbecue Creed (scroll down if need be, permalinks are blogspotty)

We believe in one Pork,
the shoulder, the rump,
there's no better on heaven or earth;
it's tasty with coleslaw and beans.
We believe in only one style,
shredded or chopped,
cooked for 12 hours and eaten with greens.
Eternally begotten from pigs,
hog from hog, pork from pork,
true swine from Lauch Faircloth,
begotten, not made,
with vinegar sauce from your father.

At Bulllocks, all things are made,
for us and for our domestication.
We believe White Swans came down from heaven,
by the power of the Vinegar Spirit;
Then Stameys became incarnate from the mixed sauce,
and peach cobbler.

For our sake, the pig was smoked over hickory,
he suffered death and was buried (in pepper rub).
After a third of a day, the pig rose again
in accordance with the recipes.
He was pulled with a rake and placed on a plate,
and is seated at the right hand of your father.
The Swine has come in glory to sate the living and raise the dead,
and Bullocks family style will have no end, Amen.

We believe in Swans, with clear sauce; the burning fire of life,
first owned by the Father, now Son;
and Lexington Barbecue 1 is both worshiped and glorified,
it has been spoken about by the barbecue Prophets.

We believe in one holy and apostolic Mountain Smokehouse,
and drink sweet tea 'til we swim;
We shall look for new 'cue wher'er we go,
and get off I-85 for some Jim's.

Amen.

He's surprisingly ecumenical, making a valiant attempt to bridge the gap between Eastern and Lexington style barbecue, which I've always considered a dessert meat rather than a main course. Not that there's anything wrong with that; it's a fine ''cue. It just belongs on the same buffet table as the banana pudding and pecan pie.

The Bizarro News Service

2003-06-04T11:02:00.000-04:00

Silly me. Here I was thinking that the AFP I was seeing in some news reports meant Armed Forces Press, when it's actually Agence France-Press.

Quite a difference, isn't it? And I might never have noticed, were it not for this passage from the AFP story on the re-opening of the Baghdad cultural museum.

The theft of Baghdad's cultural heritage as US troops stood by shocked experts around the world and drew stinging criticism of the coalition forces which did protect oil installations.

Weeks after it's been established that reports of looting at the Iraqi National Museum were either overstated or just plain wrong, the meme is still being perpetuated thanks to the self-proclaimed "world's leading news and photo agency." coincedentally based in.....France.

Based in France, eh? Could you describe yourselves?

We are fast, we are balanced; above all, we are accurate.

Well, you've certainly got the smug Gallic indifference to the truth down pat. It's.....dare I say it......Rainesian in scope?

Zut Alors!

Small Grave

2003-06-04T09:22:00.000-04:00

It's the grave of laughter.
A grave of tears.
It's the grave of hopes.
Held throughout the years.
There's so much that we share
And it's time we're aware
That the graves were very small.

There is just one moon
And one golden sun,
And a smile meant
nothing to the man with the gun.
Though the mountains divide,
And the oceans are wide,
It's a small grave after all.

It's a small grave after all.
It's a small grave after all.
It's a small grave after all.
It's a small, small grave.

37

2003-06-04T08:10:00.000-04:00

The 37th edition of the Carnival of the Vanities is at Drumwaster's Rants this week.

The Carnival offspring Bharateeya Blog Mela is also new today.

Upcoming Carnival stops include;

June 11th Overtaken by Events
June 18th Real Women Online
June 25th Single Southern Guy
July 2nd Amish Tech Support
July 9th Winds Of Change -- The 42nd spot, coveted by hitchhikers across the galaxy.
July 16th Caerdroia
July 23rd DaGoddess
July 30th Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
August 6th Across The Atlantic
August 13th Outside The Beltway
August 20th Right We Are
August 27th Creative Slips
September 3rd The Brazos De Dios Cantina
September 10th Solport
September 17th Silflay Hraka - The One Year Anniversary
September 24th Pathetic Earthlings
October 1st Sasha & Andrew's Roundtable
October 8th Dancing With Dogs

If you'd like to host the Carnival, drop us a line. Information on how to join the Carnival can be found here.

Feliz Cumpleaños, Mayan Delmont Contreras

2003-06-03T23:28:00.000-04:00

Another birth blogger, one en español. The English version is apparently not posted yet, but you can read a Google translation here.

Something To Keep Me Away From The Beer And Skittles

2003-06-03T23:17:00.000-04:00

Presenting the The Blogger Blubber-a-thon.

Well, probably not the beer.

#11 - Israelis Insisted On Referring To Bulldozed Buildings As "Araflats"

2003-06-03T22:29:00.000-04:00

The Top Ten Hold-Ups To Middle East Peace Talks

I liked #6.

The Muslims kept to their usual tradition of five times a day facing Israel, shaking their fists, and yelling, "The Jews!!"

Mary Magdalene Answers The Phone

2003-06-03T22:09:00.000-04:00

You know the Jack Chick God, right? Faceless, but with his own light source? Here's a reminder in case you've forgotten, from the Chick comics greatest hit, This Was Your Life

Well, that was the old God. The new God doesn't just sit up there in heaven, judging the quick and the dead. The new God does business with the quick, and presumably the dead, if the price is right. It's no longer Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, but Kasha, Sophie, and Lana Lee, your Montreal Business Escorts.

In case this post brings up certain....questions, I assure you that I am not planning a trip to Montreal any time soon. I was spammed I tell you, spammed!

The Descent of Verse

2003-06-03T21:27:00.000-04:00

First there was Unremitting Verse.
Then there was The Doggerel Pundit.
And now, Graham Lester, creator of the Limerick blog.

So, a limerick in his honor, one explaining why my late night output has fallen so drastically.

There once was a blogger who typed--
one handed. Oh, pity his plight!
Now your thoughts you should curb.
For he wasn't a perv,
He held a wee bairn all day and all night.

North State Blogs

2003-06-03T20:41:00.000-04:00

A Toast

Here's to the land of the longleaf pine,
The summer land where the sun doth shine,
Where the weak grow strong and the strong grow great,
Here's to "Down Home," the Old North State!

Here's to the land of the cotton bloom white,
Where the scuppernong perfumes the breeze at night,
Where the soft southern moss and jessamine mate,
'Neath the murmuring pines of the Old North State!

Here's to the land where the galax grows,
Where the rhododendron's rosette glows,
Where soars Mount Mitchell's summit great,
In the "Land of the Sky," in the Old North State!

Here's to the land where maidens are fair,
Where friends are true and cold hearts rare,
The near land, the dear land whatever fate,
The best land, the best land, the Old North State!

Trojan Horseshoes has seized administrative control of (read "created and did the work no one else was willing to do") the North Carolina bloggers group, North State blogs. The group's icon is up there on the right.

As will all good groups, there are only a few rules for membership.

1) You must be Born in, or now live in, or once lived in, or would like to live in, North Carolina.
2) You must not be ashamed to admit to #1
3) When using the term Barbecue, it shall only refer to Pork Barbecue cooked in either the Eastern NC or Lexington Styles. This term shall never be used in reference to chicken, beef, other animals, grilling equipment, and under NO circumstances shall it be used as a term for a backyard cookout.
4) Must update your Blog once a month.
5) The North State Blogs shall never collectively take sides on any disputes between members about which is the best College Basketball team or Nascar Racer. (Individual members are encouraged to take their own stands on this view.)
5) All shall affirm that no other doughnuts can compare to those heavenly creations made hot and fresh at Krispy Kreme.
6) All Must be a fan of the Andy Griffith Show.

And you should memorize another verse in the toast. It shouldn't be hard; you all already knew the rest of the toast, right?

Here's to the land where the bloggers dwell,
Where beers are cold, and it's hot as hell,
With their accents thick as armor plate,
You'll say "pardon?" a lot in the Old North State.

The Blog is Dead. Long Live the Blog

2003-06-03T20:11:00.000-04:00

The Other Occasional Any Ten Things has been retired, and Must Be Nice has taken its place in the Friends of Hraka blogroll.

Advantage, Hraka!

2003-06-03T15:34:00.000-04:00

Hey, we beat Chris Hitchens to the punch! That can't happen very often, I would think. (scroll down to see, but his take on the Muslim lady who wishes to remain veiled on her driver's license is worth reading)

The Task

2003-06-03T15:03:00.000-04:00

Should Scott Peterson be charged with the murder of his wife's nearly full term fetus? Of course he should.

Should scientists be allowed to do research using fetal stem cells? Of course they should.

Now according to Newsweek, in an article on fetal rights that suggests Americans are being forced into more nuanced positions on abortion without listing what any of them are, I've just alienated both sides on the abortion issue.

Good for me.

I met a pro-choice vegetarian the other day. She won't eat eggs but she's fine with abortions.

Now for the pro-life crowd: What your god has to say about the practice of abortion doesn't matter in the least. It shouldn't. The mutterings of your deity no place in the public policy debates of a non-sectarian country. What gods have to say matter a great deal in countries like Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Malaysia. Accept that the price for the free practice of your religion is allowing things that are anathema to it to exist, and remove God from the debate on abortion.

Because that's the only way you can win.

My particular stance on abortion, and it shan't change no matter how many aborted fetus photos or coat hanger horror stories people throw at me, so save your efforts, please, is that human rights start at neither conception or at birth, but at viability. If one cannot survive as a human, then rights are somewhat superfluous.

Right now the viability boundary lies between 22 weeks, where no child has survived outside the womb despite the best medical care and technology available, and 25 weeks, with 79 percent of newborns born at that age surviving. A small percentage of infants born as 23 weeks survive, so for the moment I'm opposed to abortions after that time period, and accepting of abortions beforehand, though like most people I am hardly in favor of them.

Note than in 10 years time, it's very likely that the viability boundary will be lower, perhaps at 21 or 22 weeks instead of 23. Also note that all this talk of weeks is shorthand for what is typical in fetal development for a certain time period. Actual viability depends on the physical development of the the fetus, something that can be measured and observed, enough so that any fetus that has reached a set number of developmental goals can be termed viable no matter how many weeks it has progressed.

If the pro-life side of the abortion debate were to adopt viability rather than conception, it could win an strategic victory in the battle over abortion. There's nothing stopping the pro-life movement from continuing to counsel against abortion before fetal viability, but the ever dropping viability line will further restrict the time period in which legal abortion is available with each passing year. The day may eventually come when medical technology ensures viability from the moment of conception, and at that point your battle is won.

I don't expect that the pro-life side will do this any time soon. Compromise is not smiled upon in a religious movement, and the majority of support for the pro-life side of the debate is religious in nature. It would also require an endorsement of science as the solution to abortion, another big stretch for god-botherers in general. As pleasing as the prospect of the Southern Baptist Convention funding biological research is, I don't expect it any time soon.

It's not that the issue cannot finessed religiously. Let's take murder as an example, something scripturally opposed in most religions despite their occasional practice of it. It's also exactly what abortion is according to the pro-life movement.

Suppose God vouchsafed you with a way in which the sin of murder would be vanishingly rare in 100 years, but only if you spend the majority of your efforts in working towards that goal. Some murders may occur between now and then that would not have otherwise, but you have no way of knowing this for sure, even though such sins could probably be assumed. God will deal with those in due time, as he always does, but in the mean time has asked you to work toward a world structured in such a way that the sin is simply unheard of. What problems could you have with that?

Now what if it's just one flavor of murder, and the time period, while not exact, is still finite? What if he asks that?

And don't be too sure he just didn't. I'm pretty sure it's just me, but you can never tell.

Because Sweat-Soaked Down is Lumpy And Smells Somewhat Odd

2003-06-03T15:01:00.000-04:00

I've found out what I want for Father's day, besides all that beer ansd the new George R.R. Martin book.

The Chillow.

Traveling With Children

2003-06-03T13:13:00.000-04:00

Going on vacation should be one of life's most rewarding ventures. You work hard the rest of the year so that you can enjoy time off, traveling on a whim to fun locations, trying to create traditions and memories for your children..........dear God!!!! Traveling with one did present its difficulties, but traveling with two is incredible. We are at the beach for a week, but you couldn't tell by the looks of our car. It appears to other road warriors that we are relocating the entire family for at least a 3 or 4 month excursion, as we rumble down America's highways. How in the hell did we get so much stuff into the car? One frustrating aspect of this is that once you arrive at your location, you must accept the fact that all that you packed will NEVER go back into the car as neatly or as easily as it did when you first left.

Next, we arrive at the beach, and carry armloads of crap to the sand so that the two year old will have plenty to entertain her..........that lasts all of 20 minutes before she is ready to go back inside and read the books which we have already read countless numbers of times. So, the next day, having learned from the previous day, we only carry a few items to the beach...........needless to say, she wants to stay all day on the beach requiring numerous trips to the condo to retrieve whatever items I so smartly left behind. Still, I guess, a bad day at the beach is better than a good day at work, right? I'm not so sure.

Next, we go to the local touristy trap to get the little one to ride some rides. We buy tickets only to have her decide that she doesn't want to ride them anymore. "Oh, hell yes you do, sweetheart!" After some gentle suggesting, she decides she does want to ride the pink elephants and blue dragons and then cries loudly as we explain how we now have to leave before the park sucks all of the money out of daddy's wallet.

Finally, taking a 5 month old to the beach requires special handling as well. Needless to say, you can't keep him out on the beach all day for a number of reasons. First, he must nap all the time, and second, we don't want his gentle skin to burst into flames. I have gotten more exercise on this vacation than I have had in the past year combined.

All of this brings me to a new level of awareness. Mom and dad, I'm very sorry. I realize how hard it must have been to lug 2 boys all around creation to create memories for us that would last a lifetime. I realize that you made memories too, but your's might not be as pleasant as the ones we tend to romanticize. God bless us parents, everyone.

How Much For A Tinkle? Side View, Clothed, Sound Included, Bonus Given For Every Second Over 30

2003-06-03T12:46:00.000-04:00

Super Diary Worries Privacy Activists

A Pentagon project to develop a digital super diary that records heartbeats, travel, Internet chats, everything a person does, also could provide private companies with powerful software to analyze behavior.

That has privacy experts worried.

Privacy experts should worry. They'll be out of a job soon. However, it shouldn't be hard for them to find work. The pronouncements of doom industry is constantly re-inventing itself. Privacy won't die due to some cryptic government program. Privacy will die because people will give large chunks of it away for attention, and larger chunks for money.

If LifeLog ever becomes available, forget about privacy concerns and buy stock in data storage and retrieval companies. Does anyone really think in a world of online porn, cam girls, reality television and blogging that people won't be queuing up by the thousands to buy a LifeLog the day it comes out?

Pick a fetish, any fetish. I'll use peeing as an example. Google lists over 8000 sites for that particular practice alone. How long do you think it would take for someone to start broadcasting to that particular audience once LifeLog is available? A month? Two months? Less than a year, certainly. Add smell to the experience and there will be people whose entire career consists of eating lots of asparagus and drinking a cup of tea every fifteen minutes.

Porn will be among the first off the mark, simply because porn is always an early adopter of technology. But the security industry won't be far behind. If Brinks and ADT can't sell people on a personal or child monitoring system, then it's because they've stopped trying, or because security monitoring will be offered free to every person who agrees to let the system watch them shop.

People already give away all sorts of information with supermarket discount cards to save a dollar or two, because they perceive that their savings are more valuable than the information being passed to the grocery store's database. The price is right.

What LifeLog will do is open up areas of a person's life that are not currently available for sale and expose them to market forces. Once this happens, some will choose not to allow the cameras in, others will completely abandon all sense of privacy in return for notoriety, and still others will negotiate on a daily basis the balance between money and some perception of personal privacy.

And privacy will lose, because everyone has a price. Might as well start considering what it is.

For the above, I figure mine is $20 a shot. I also figure I'll be underbid by millions.

It's A Good Thing

2003-06-03T11:31:00.000-04:00

Feds Seek to Indict Martha Stewart

Not that I really care, but I couldn't resist the pale and probably already overused joke. I'm sure I won't be the only one. What little influence Martha Stewart had on my life ceased to exist the day her stuff started appearing in K-mart, because I'm a snob. When it comes to K-mart, there's too much hoi in the polloi for my refined and delicate tastes. It was like finding a Julia Child line of hot dogs "Now with 3% recognizable meats!".

To be blunt, Martha, if the products you produce were any good, why are they in K-mart? That's not even where your target audience shops, for God's sake, unless you've decided that the inhabitants of rented singlewides are your people. Your target audience shops at......Target. Had you just dealt with them to begin with, you could have gotten a better markup, made more money, and not had to start manipulating stock.

Update: Little Tiny Lies in a much more in depth, not to mention easily less snobby, take on Martha.

Polishing the Halo

2003-06-03T10:46:00.000-04:00

For those of you who are tired of Yaccs or Enetation, Haloscan has re-opened signups. There's also a hack that allows your page to load quickly when the comments servers are down. No way to import old comments from another system that I know of, though I can't see why it couldn't be done. May be to much for a free service to take on.

Kilroy Was Here

2003-06-03T09:42:00.000-04:00

Houseboat For Sale, Cheap At 4.5 Million

2003-06-02T15:04:00.000-04:00

The Colossus class carrier HMS Vengeance is for sale.

You've Failed, Mr. Bond! Or Mr. Creosote Comes To The FCC

2003-06-02T13:26:00.000-04:00

Fat, self satisfied looking sumbitch, isn't he? All he needs is a white Persian and a henchman or two, or a bucket.

photo and blurb via yahoo

Federal Communications Chairman Michael Powell listens to remarks during a vote on media ownership rules in Washington, June 2, 2003. U.S. communications regulators narrowly approved sweeping new rules that will allow television broadcasters to expand their reach, despite fears about reducing the diversity of viewpoints.

"I have heard the concerns expressed by the public about excessive consolidation," FCC Chairman Michael Powell said ahead of the vote. "They have introduced a note of caution in the choices we have made."

English Translation: Stop your incessant whining and bend over. We'll tell you what to think afterwards.

Moving the PSI Up A Notch

2003-06-02T12:56:00.000-04:00

The Bush administration continues with its practice of turning up the pressure on the NorK government, with the announcement that U.S. and South Korean forces will be repositioned in a manner that will allow them to attack North Korean military assets at the very beginning of hostilities, rather than suffering through an artillery bombardment.

Once again, Kim Jong Il faces a "use it or lose it" decision, with recent history suggesting that he'll accept the loss of initiative at the beginning of a hypothetical war and try to regain it diplomatically by announcing a further advance in the processing of nuclear material at the Yongban reactor.

The repositioning of forces might also be in response to new intelligence. Assume that North Korea does have the bomb, but currently lacks the ability to deliver it via a missile attack. Nuclear artillery shells are an older, easier method than nuclear missiles, and easier for a shoestrings economy like North Korea's to produce.

If the North Korean military can delivery a nuclear bomb via a No or Taepodong, then moving allied troops back from the border doesn't remove them from the danger of a such an attack. However, if the Kim Jong Il can only launch a nuclear weapons from the barrel of a howitzer, then such a move is eminently sensible.

Completing Its Domination of the World's Media

2003-06-02T12:28:00.000-04:00

BTW, an edited version of the French Military History post that caused so much fuss appears as part of Maxim magazine's salute to the French this month "Vive Le Crossandwich". It's not online, so I can't link to it.

Maxim edited it, but Maxim also paid me for it and gave me a byline. So that was fine.

Must Be Women's Issues Day, And There's Nothing I Like More Than Discussing Women's Issues

2003-06-02T12:19:00.000-04:00

While we're on the subject, let us be the first to call for regime change in Swaziland. It's not just about the pants, mind you, or the political philosophy that died with the Stuart kings. There's also the ritual killings come election time, not to mention the sexual abuse of children.

Save the Children reports widespread sexual abuse of young girls. Status of females is low in this patriarchal society, and violence against women common. Save the Children estimates that 20% of households are child-headed and there are 50000 AIDS orphans. Unlike in SA, there are no social security grants.

Hmm, a patriarchal culture characterized by abuse of women, polygamy and a rejection of modernity. Sound familiar? Take care of it now and maybe we won't have to worry about Swazi acts of terrorism twenty years from now.

Ne'er the Twain

2003-06-02T12:04:00.000-04:00

From the Andrew Marshall Reuter's story; Leave Iraq, Tribesmen and Sacked Troops Tell U.S.

Thousands of sacked Iraqi soldiers threatened Monday to launch suicide attacks against U.S. troops as leaders of the country's squabbling tribes told the Americans they could face war if they did not leave soon.

Seeing as how Iraqi efforts in the previous war were more or less suicide attacks, I fail to see why this should worry us.

"The entire Iraqi people is a time bomb that will blow up in the Americans' face if they don't end their occupation. We refuse to deal with the occupation," tribal leader Riyadh al- Asadi told Reuters after meeting a senior U.S. official for talks on the future of Iraq after Saddam Hussein. (emphasis added)

What is this, "National Iraqi 'Do as I say, not as I do day?'"

"The Iraqi people did not fight the Americans during the war, only Saddam's people did. But if the people decide to fight them now, they are in big trouble."

A correct statement, but confused antecedents.

As tribal leaders were meeting Ambassador Hume Horan of the Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA), more than 3,000 sacked soldiers marched on the U.S-led administration's headquarters vowing violence unless they were paid wages and compensation.

Sacked soldiers vow violence! You angling for that open position at the Post, Andrew?

"All of us will become suicide bombers," said Khairi Jassim, a former warrant officer. "I will turn my six daughters into bombs to kill the Americans."

Yes, there's nothing like a threat of murdering your own children to make the United States give you money. It's worked for well for the Palestinians, you know.

There's your East-West division right there. Given the chance, Khairi will turn his daughters into bombs. Given the chance, Americans will turn them into bombshells.

Ohh, but that would be objectifying them, and objectifying bad, very bad. As if women as martyrs is preferable to women in garters.

Why is it that the people who protest the loudest about the Western objectification of women are so hard to find when it comes to the East's mistreatment of them?

The Funny Pages Finally Come to The New York Times

2003-06-02T10:29:00.000-04:00

Informative Diagnostic

2003-06-02T10:28:00.000-04:00

If most of the pictures below are missing, the UNC network is still down.

The Latest Chapter In A Continuing Exposition On The Value Of Editors In Journalism

2003-05-31T15:53:00.000-04:00

Newsday.com - In Test, Foram Damaged Wing.

Cached version here in case they fix it.

Picture Play

2003-05-31T13:53:00.000-04:00

Scotty McSulu in one of his rare waking moments. He may be young, but already he regards us with a cynical and jaundiced eye, perhaps because we regularly expose his tender flesh to the bitterly chill 74 degree environment that exists outside of his onesie and blanket cocoon.

Doesn't like it, nosiree, not in the least, and he utilizes a very specific cry for those times when he's bathed or has his diapers changed, a ragged and continuous wail that ceases the moment he feels cloth on skin.

"I'm a bee"

Ngnat has decamped to Nana's house for a week, leaving us and Scotty behind. She took one of my old driver's licenses so she would have a picture of Daddy, told Mommy "I love you" totally unprompted, and screamed "BYE BYE BABY" at the sleeping Scotty M. She couldn't wait to get away.

Finding Deep Throat

2003-05-30T21:32:00.000-04:00

Here is an interesting link offering a report of a class that worked on discovering the identity of Deep Throat for 3 years. Still sounds like a porn movie to me.

Old Well White, Davie Poplar IPA

2003-05-30T16:52:00.000-04:00

Beers of the mid afternoon. Why, with luck I'll have a beer of the night post as well. Nothing like having to wade through another alcohol discursion to find the Ngnat news to make Meryl and the relatives crotchety. Three words, Meryl. Lindemans Framboise Lambic. There's nothing like it the world when it comes to changing a person's mind about what beer is. Lambics taste like nothing else on the planet. If I hadn't told you it was beer you'd have never known. The Peche is also verra nice.

Was in a two hour meeting about purchasing a couple of Nortel's Alteon SSL accelerators at noon today, so it was a late lunch. The weekly N&O beer column had mentioned that Top of the Hill was going to offer a saison in June, so I figured I'd go see if it was available yet.

At Top of the Hill in Chapel Hill, brewer John Withey keeps his Summer Lager on tap year-round, so when it came to a choice exclusively for the summer, he decided to do something different. He will turn to Belgian brewing traditions, and in June, Top of the Hill will offer its first saison. Appropriately meaning "season," the saison beers of Flanders are usually bottled, champagne-style, with secondary fermentation in the bottle creating lots of carbonation. The draft version will be less carbonated, cloudy, pale and refreshing, with additions of coriander and orange peel. Saisons are wonderful with food.

Apparently the N&O jumped the gun a bit, for there were shocked looks all round when I asked for the saison. Presumably this was as much for my horrid pronunciation of the word as it was for the fact that the brew wasn't due for another two weeks, minimum. Disappointing, but as I had already decided on beer for lunch this was hardly off putting. The bartender pointed me towards the Old Well White instead, it being the closest thing to a Belgian beer in the absence of the saison.

Must of been a slow day, or else I'd already been identified as a first-class beer geek, for hardly had I gotten my white and unpacked my lunch time reading (a comic book, cause there's nothing in the world as a appealing as man alone at a bar with his comic book) than the brewer himself, John, hustled over to denigrate it.

That's right, talk bad about his own beer. He wasn't happy with it, he having experimented with a brewing process on this particular batch that didn't give the orange peel a long enough exposure in the mash to create the classic high citrus notes that characterize a Belgian White. And he was right. Belgian whites are distinctive beers, of a type that easily distinguishable from every other drink in the world, spicy and with the mouthfeel of a soft champagne, and the Old Well white, while a perfectly decent drink, was rather thin on the both citrus high note and the mouthfeel. Reminiscent of a lager, almost.

I ate my pizza, talked beer for a bit and closed out with 10 ounces of the Davie Poplar IPA. I did have to go back to work, after all. It's a mainstay at Top of the Hill, hoppy, and bitingly refreshing, with a nice backgrounded caramel overtone. The hop content has crept up over the years as the general beer palate in Chapel Hill has grown more sophisticated, though it's nowhere near the level of some of the more extreme bitters. Almost took another one, but I am alas all too responsible now I'm a parent.

I'll be back. Not only should the saison be ready in two weeks or so, but as I left they told me to ask for the cask beer next time I was in.

"It's not on the menu. It's what we drink."

Mmmmmmmm.........Secret Beer.

The Kehaar Index

2003-05-30T15:13:00.000-04:00

It's been a slow day at work because my boss and nearly everyone else in my office has decided to take the day off. Slow days at work often mean I get a lot of reading done. I found several stories that were interesting to me and didn't want to post them individually, so I decided to create my own "top stories" index. I figure this will give me something to post on a daily, or at least weekly, basis and will give me a vehicle for spreading the word about things that catch my eye and my interest. Plus it really doesn't take a lot of work and I am a horribly lazy blogger. And in my own private daydreams, I imagine that people will stop by and be inspired to create their own indexes on their own blogs and before long everyone will be doing it and I will be famous because I did it first. So, click the links and then go and spread the news. I can only become world-famous with your help.

Oh, and if you already do this...well, I really thought of it a long, long time ago.

Today's Keehar Index (with special thanks to New Scientist, which provided most of the material today):

Stem cell "Holy Grail" found
SEX PILLS: Taking On Viagra
Handsome men have the best sperm
Hidden danger behind the Three Gorges dam
Asymmetrical people make jealous lovers
Beautiful people spark a brain reaction
'Good' bacteria may thwart allergies in toddlers
Swimming in chlorinated pools raises asthma risk, study finds
Over time, people 'catch mood' of friends, lovers

Women are From the Heart, Men are From the Crotch

2003-05-30T14:49:00.000-04:00

We think differently, we act differently, we react differently, and apparently we even pray differently. This came in an email from a friend.

FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed.
When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to hit on my friend. Amen..

MALE PRAYER:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor
store and a boat.. Amen.

A QuasiFisk Of The Senior Senator

2003-05-30T12:56:00.000-04:00

The latest missive from the John Edwards eList mentioned below, and viewable in its entirety here.

Dear Friend:

It seems like every time you turn around a favorite local store has been bought out by a big national chain.

That's crazy talk. Why bother to buy out the locals when you can just drive them out of business?

The prices are sometimes lower at first, but the chain doesn't have that character that makes our neighborhoods feel like home.

You mean Drunk Willie, the fella who littered the front stoop of the General store with peanut shells and frightened the preteens with his wandering eye? He's the greeter at Wal-Mart now.

Now, federal regulators up in Washington are trying to make it easier for big media conglomerates to buy out locally-owned television and radio stations.

And there's nothing he can do about it other than write letters. He's only a United States Senator, for God's sake!

Local stations are critical to making our communities feel like home.

"Because there's nothing like the local news philosophy of "If it Bleeds, It Leads" when it comes to promoting closer ties within the community.

In North Carolina, local stations offer Atlantic Coast Conference basketball games, prep football games, Billy Graham crusades, and muscular dystrophy telethons.

Now there's 3 good arguments for giant media conglomerates to own local stations. I'd be willing to pay extra to ensure that I never again had to view a prep football game, Billy Graham crusade, or a muscular dystrophy telethon.

They offer responsive and accountable coverage of local interests < spit-take > that can't be matched by big conglomerates that own hundreds of stations around the globe.

We need to protect smaller stations, which is why I have urged the Federal Communications Commission to not make it easier for media conglomerates to gobble up local stations.

"Urged?" My god man, don't bring out the heavy weaponry this early in the fight! All you've got left in the ammunition dump is the "Strongly urged", and after that we're SOL.

To read more about my efforts please click here.

Hey, another letter! When you find your groove, you stick to it, don'tcha?

Many parts of our rural way of life are threatened by today's economy.

Because they can't grow pot at all, and only as much tobacco as we let them. Television station ownership impacts this how, exactly?

Lack of capital, unfair trade practices, and a limited access to quality health care and educational opportunities are forcing young people to move out of rural areas.

That is exactly what I told Billy Bob when he came to Chapel Hill. "Billy Bob, " I said "Lack of capital, unfair trade practices, and a limited access to quality health care and educational opportunities have forced you to move from your rural area to this here den of iniquity."

He kept insisting he needed him some iniquity, and somewhat less horse manure and churchin', but that's just nonsense.

Growing up in Robbins, I understand the importance of protecting our rural way of life and values.

And you call yourself educated. It's either "Growing up in Robbins, I understood the importance of protecting our rural way of life and values." or "Having grown up in Robbins, I understand the importance of protecting our rural way of life and values." That's 10 points off your final grade, Senator Quayle......er, Edwards.

I can't help but notice you left your rural area, Senator. Was it because of a "lack of capital, unfair trade practices, and a limited access to quality health care and educational opportunities," or because personal injury lawyers don't make that much on "Farmer Jim's mule done kicked me in the berries" cases?

I recently proposed a strategy to revitalize rural America.

Did it include wiping out agricultural subsidies, or letting farmers grow pot ? Might as well have kept your mouth shut for all the good it will do otherwise.

You can learn more about it on the Senate web site.

Now there's a party!

One of the best ways for North Carolinians to reach me is by email through my Senate web site at http://edwards.senate.gov/mailform.html

Excellent. You see I am Dr Hamza Kalu, the co-ordinator of the federal government of Nigeria contract review panel of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, and I have a proposal for you.

An Unsubtle Gorejack, or Something Worse?

2003-05-30T12:10:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or has Katherine Harris had some work done?

photo via yahoo

Oops, my mistake. Obviously it's the future reincarnations of Jon Benet Ramsey and Mother.

photo via yahoo

Yes, Yes, I'm a horrible man. Sorry, can't control what pops into mind.

Foxy Daddy

2003-05-30T11:36:00.000-04:00

This morning the first words out of Ngnat's mouth, after the obligatory crying and screams of "Nana!" that she greets the sudden shock of unwelcome wakefulness with each and every day, were "Where's that sneaky fox?"

We've been infected by Dora The Explorer. We have Dora pajamas, Dora shirts, Dora drinking cups, plates and cutlery, and a little Boots the monkey doll that craps in its hand and flings feces at the walls when you squeeze his tummy.

Well, not really, but a man can dream, can't he? Has to dream really. Gotta have something to balance out the song his daughter makes him sing to the cereal bowl every morning.

Hey, that's a Dora bowl!
It's just adorable!
It is your Dora bowl
'Cause you're adorable!

To the tune of the chorus Ta ra ra boom de ay if you're dying to know.

Last night, after another Dora full day, Ngnat announced that she was Dora "I Dora!", that Nana was Boots "Nana, you Boots!" and that they were going to cut pictures out of the 25 cent back issue comics on the coffee table and glue them to poster board. "We're gonna blue!"

No, that's not a typo. Ngnat can pronounce "Guh" perfectly well, but at some point she decided the sticky white stuff in the plastic squeeze bottle was "Elmer's Blue", and there's no point in changing now. It's cute the first couple of times, then becomes blackboard scratching annoying. Man was not meant to say "I want to blue."

"I blue now, Daddy?"

"Glue, honey, glue. Guh. Guh!"

"Glue?"

"That's right, glue."

"OK! You blue with me, Daddy?"

"Yes, yes I am blue with you."

"Ok, come on!"

And so we blued. Ngnat was Dora, Nana was Boots, and Daddy was......

"Swiper," I told her. "And I'm going to swipe your scissors!"

Shrieks of delight and pretend fear. For those you you who are happily unfamiliar with Dora, Swiper is a fox who steals things and then ineptly hides them in various places, where they are inevitably recovered by Dora and her monkey. He's prevented from this if Dora incants "Swiper no swiping!" three times before he lays hands on the object of his desire, which Ngnat attempted to do. I allowed myself be turned away by one repetition, as excitement had rendered Ngnat incapable of repeating more than once. Indeed, sheer delight threatened her ability to stand upright.

So for the rest of the evening I played the part of Swiper, with Ngnat occasionally coming over to the dark side and announcing that she too was Swiper. Other times she was content to just shriek at the sight of me. I was Swiper while we blued, and she shrieked, while she took her bath, and she shrieked, while we brushed her hair, and she shrieked and while we read books at bedtime. Since it was bedtime, she shrieked quietly to herself.

After she determined the location of the sneaky fox this morning, she ran into the bedroom and yelled "Wake up, Swiper!", shrieked yet again, and ran downstairs. It appears that was my final curtain call, however. As we walked down the driveway to pick up the newspaper prior to the morning trip trip to daycare she looked up and asked, "Are you Daddy?". Perhaps she was concerned for the safety of the News and Observer.

I assured her that yes, I was Daddy, at present.

"I like hot," she said, stepping into a sunlit area of the cement. "You like cool, Daddy."

I wonder what she would have told Swiper.

Humorous Tempation Of The Morning

2003-05-30T10:33:00.000-04:00

Sen John Edward's email listserv, The Edwards eList, is open and apparently unmoderated for all subscribers. This morning a member's change of address notification went out to the entire list.

Now I just have to figure out what to post.

Daily Media Titration

2003-05-29T16:25:00.000-04:00

A relatively big jump in stories on Syria, one that I would attribute to Tony Blair's mention of that country during a speech to British troops in Basra, except that he also mentions Iran, so that's not it.

There are 114 copies of a story on the return to service of the Iraqi national airline that mention Syria, so that explains part of the rise. The story also mentions Jordan. Data showing a similar rise in news reports for that nation would probably explain it, except of course that I don't have any.

So maybe I'll add the rest of the Middle East. At the very least I could track the rise and fall of the attention paid to various parts of the region by the media, and data like this, once collected, usually suggests other uses or ways to interpret it.

Also, I'm just a very dull person at heart, and this is my way of proving it to the world.

iTunes Music Store Sales Decline, Again

2003-05-29T12:22:00.000-04:00

It took 7 days to sell the first million.

It took 9 days to sell the second million.

It's taken 14 days to sell the third million.

Sales aren't increasing. Sales are decreasing, most likely due to a combination of a smallish music catalog and limited availability. The downturn suggests that people are finding less and less music at the site that they are willing to pay for.

Now let's go out on a limb and predict that June 11th is the earliest that Apple will announce the sale of the 4 millionth song. That's giving the company some slack, since the data points to an increasing number of days between each million, but no matter. Sales have got to reach a definite floor eventually, right? That's what the sales execs at iTunes are telling themselves, at least.

If a million songs every two weeks turns out to be the sales minimum at iTunes, then we have a excellent idea of that company's gross revenue. At most, it will be somewhere close to $2.5 million a month. Not bad, but no great shakes, either, and that $2.5 million assumes that every song is purchased at the full 99 cent price, rather than the less expensive $9.99 per cd.

Apple's business plan is obvious; sell lots of songs, and make a few pennies off each sale. I don't know exactly what Apple earns per song, but let's be wildly, dancing around nude in the streets crazy optimistic and assume that Apple is earning a quarter each time someone downloads a song rather than the much more likely nickel or lower. Three million songs in the first month of business gives Steve Jobs a less than whopping $750,000 to cover salaries, insurance and operational expenses with. That might be enough, barely. Odds are total monies going to Apple are more like $150,000, which means that despite the glowing press iTunes is getting, it is losing money hand over fist.

Does the glowing ITunes coverage remind you of anything, say the media during the Great Bubble of '99? This is not to say that iTunes will fail. But right now the company is making less and less money every day, not more and more, despite massive and mostly positive media coverage. The only way to turn the trend around is to increase the customer base by selling to Windows users, a move that at the earliest is not expected before 2004.

Meanwhile every song bought via iTunes is potential Kazaa fodder, Listen.com has lowered its price per song to just 79 cents, and the Microsoft behemoth is turning its attention towards the downloadable music market. Less than 2 months after it debuted, iTunes is beset on multiple fronts. The company's future is anything but assured.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

2003-05-29T08:14:00.000-04:00

These came in an email today.

SAEED AL SAHAF - Iraqi Head of Information
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.

GEORGE W BUSH
The American people don't care why the chicken crossed the road. The chicken is either with us, or it is against us.

TONY BLAIR
I agree with George.

JACQUES CHIRAC
We should inspect the chicken.

VLADIMIR PUTIN
That chicken owes us money.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed I've not been told.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens, living for to-day. You could say I am a dreamer.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

HITLER
We will breed an all-white-meat chicken.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
eChicken.NET will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. eChicken.NET is a virtual, distributed chicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
Define chicken.

THE BIBLE
And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?

HOMER SIMPSON
Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n

I will link a source if I can find one.

Uber Geek

2003-05-28T20:03:00.000-04:00

Armed with the results of 1.4 million years of computer time, SETI@home scientists recently traveled to the Arecibo radio observatory in Puerto Rico for a closer listen to our 155 top "candidates". Thanks for participating in this history-making effort. According to our records, you have processed 10031 work units, the most recent on May 28, 2003. Your contribution of computer time to SETI@home is greatly appreciated.

Results Received: 10032
Total CPU Time: 13.863 years
Average CPU Time per work unit: 12 hr 06 min 18.3 sec
Average results received per day: 6.86
Last result returned: Wed May 28 16:44:02 2003 UTC
Registered on: Thu May 27 12:34:14 1999 UTC

SETI@home user for: 4.007 years

Your rank out of 4509421 total users is: 10582nd place.
The number of users who have this rank: 1
You have completed more work units than 99.765% of our users.

Old Enough to Dislike That Damn Kid's Music; Young Enough To Worry About That

2003-05-28T19:42:00.000-04:00

The 36th edition of the Carnival of the Vanities is at Dean's World this week.

Upcoming Carnival stops include;

June 4th Drumwaster's Rants
June 11th Overtaken by Events
June 18th Real Women Online
June 25th Single Southern Guy
July 2nd Amish Tech Support
July 9th Winds Of Change -- The 42nd spot, coveted by hitchhikers across the galaxy.
July 16th Caerdroia
July 23rd DaGoddess
July 30th Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
August 6th Across The Atlantic
August 13th Outside The Beltway
August 20th Right We Are
August 27th Creative Slips

If you'd like to host the Carnival, drop us a line. Information on how to join the Carnival can be found here.

Apropos Of Nothing

2003-05-28T15:46:00.000-04:00

Not that I had any reason to, mind you, but I rewrote "Tiny Bubbles"

The Breastfeeding Song

Scabby nipples, are just fine,
If you're happy, as you dine,
Scabby nipples make me warm all over
With a feeling that I'm gonna Love you 'til the end of time.

So here's to the golden moon,
And here's to the silver sea,
But most of all a toast to you and me

Scabby nipples, are just fine,
Make me happy, because you're mine,
Scabby nipples make me warm all over
With a feeling that I'm gonna Love you 'til the end of time.

So here's to the milk buffet
I give to you today
And here's a kiss that will not fade away.

Scabby nipples, are just fine,
Make me happy, make me feel fine,
Scabby nipples make me warm all over
With a feeling that I'm gonna Love you 'til the end of time.

Also, I'd like deny any and all rumors that anyone close to me ever had occasion to say "Oh my god, he sucked off the scab!"

Next on the agenda, being hunted down by the ladies at militantbreastfeedingcult.com.

Zod: Not going to mention the "Song Of The Tennessee Volunteer Urine Fetishist With The Hermaphroditic Parent"?
Nope.

Work from home?

2003-05-28T15:18:00.000-04:00

Does anyone have any information about the work from home company "Home Business System International"? How do they work? I know it's a scam, but I wanted the specifics of what they have you do. I can't go into why I want the info, but...you can check out one of the Web sites promoting the system at http://www.theideallife.com. And no, this isn't a recommedation on how to change your life. I just need to know how it works.