Silflay Hraka

2/28/2003




Lateral Thinking

Presidential candidate Howard Dean on the Iraqi war - "a unilateral action against a country that doesn't present an immediate threat"

Apparently he has discovered a heretofore unknown definition of unilateral.

Link kinda via The Greatest Jeneration


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Texas Can't Hold-Em

South Knox Bubba says Bush has a tell.


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I'd Like To Be The First To Welcome Annika To Augusta

Hootie Johnson just lost the argument. If there's not a woman member at Augusta in a month, he'll be out on his ass.


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The USS Nimitz is setting sail from San Diego on Monday.

Not that I'm disputing the announcement, but that seems like an awfully tardy deployment for a Battle Group intended for action in the Persian Gulf.

However, it could be in the Sea of Japan in a matter of days, in case North Korea decides to act up once war in Iraq breaks out.

Given the situation in North Korea, simply announcing that the Nimitz was headed that way would probably precipitate war, as that country would likely see it as the penultimate mobilization of forces, leaving it no choice but to attack immediately.

Sending the battle group off to fight Iraq at this late date doesn't make a lot of sense, unless the attack date is closer to the Iraqi summer than previously thought. Sending it on an entirely different mission with the cover story of deploying to the Persian Gulf does.


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Liberté Isn't What It Used To Be

Another reason for France's intransigence at the United Nations. Once the the United States confronts Arab oppression in the Middle East, people might start wondering why Jacques Chirac hasn't done the same for the Arab oppression in his own backyard.


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Technology Marches On

They're doing amazing things with penises nowadays.


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Winter Wonderland Redneck

Here we go again. The balmy South, at least our corner of it, has once again been turned into a Winter Wonderland. Unfortunately, it isn’t the sight we were hoping for. As traditional with many winter blasts here in North Carolina, we escaped receiving one flake of snow, and instead were dumped on by freezing rain and sleet. Of course, this quickly froze onto trees and power lines and the result was an icy, ugly mess.

One of my favorite pastimes in a storm such as this is to simply go outside, sit quietly on the steps and listen to all of the chaos. It is, in part (a very mild part I realize), similar to what it would feel and sound like to live in a war zone. You can see lights fill the sky from the transformers exploding across the city. First you see the lights, then you hear the “BOOM!!!” Once again many lost power, but thankfully we were spared that this time, unlike the storm in December when only the minority were left with power.

In addition to the various explosions, the air is filled with the sound of cracking tree limbs. It is the never ending song of nature………..as it meets a spectacular death. Limbs have once again fallen all over the place and my backyard will take weeks to clean up. Last night, however, something new happened to me. Me and my version of the Sainted Wife were inside taking care of the kids when we heard a loud “CRASH.” The dogs whined and I thought for sure a big limb had fallen on one of them. I ran outside to find they were okay, but the same could not be said for one of the pines on the side of my house. The entire tree had fallen over, ripped out of the ground, limbs and all. It fell across the road so that nobody could get by.

The tree barely missed the power lines across the street, and my neighbor wasn’t home or else it surely would have hit her car since it landed in her driveway. Also, my car was on the street and it missed landing on it by a few feet. It was awesome. It was the kind of thing that Bigwig and I would have enjoyed just sitting around (on the tree, no doubt), drinking his fancy beers, talking about nature and why trees fall.

So, I called 911 and they put me in touch with some people who said they would take care of it. Now if you have to have a tree fall, this is a good time, because often the city will then cut up the tree and remove, when at other times you have to take care of it. So, I was pretty excited that this could be taken care of for free.

Several trucks came by with flashing lights and plenty of workers. It wasn’t long before a bulldozer was deployed to take care of the situation. Well, the bastard simply pushed the tree, the whole damn tree, back into my yard, told me to call a number to see if someone would take care of it, and took off. Now I have a big ass tree just sitting in my yard on its side. I may just leave it until next year when we get another storm. I can be known as “the city redneck down the street” who leaves all kinds of crap in his yard. Maybe I will park an old car there too and let grass grow around it. Passerbys will come from miles around to see the redneck’s yard, and they will laugh and throw their empty beer cans into my yard and yell things at me like “You might be a redneck if you have a big ass tree in your yard,” or “Run Forrest” as they whiz by the house. Maybe I can charge people to see it and buy our “Silflay Hraka Beach House” that way.

It sucks, now I will probably have to cut this big thing up and have it removed. One of the worst things about having a winter storm is dealing with all the people who show up at your door asking if you need some “tree work” done. Just a bunch of drifters who are looking to make a quick buck. I have already turned 2 away today, just told them that I liked the tree there and was thinking about keeping it permanently. The looks I am getting are priceless. Wish I had a picture of that, but here are a few pictures of the carnage instead. In Picture 2 you can see the Duke Power trucks across the street. I tried to act like the tree wasn't mine, but I don't think they bought it.





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A Terrible and Overlooked Anniversary

Today is an anniversary, which I have not seen mentioned elsewhere.

The anniversary of a shattering moment in which the United States misstepped so badly, we are paying for it this very day.

On February 27th, 1991, the order was sent out to halt all U.S. and allied forces in Iraq. The Iraqi army in shards. . . .the 'vaunted' Republican Guard fleeing like frightened children. . . .the most powerful army in the world 24 hours from Baghdad and an end to one of the most miserably cruel despots of our time - of any time.

24 hours from the 'Mother' of all victories. A 5-day war!

Instead, we stepped away from this victory and all that it would have meant. To the entire world.

If we had continued, I suggest that Iraq would today be a prosperous nation, with a thriving free market economy giving others a run for their money - literally - just as resulted from our occupation and restructuring of Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan.

Other thugs would be much more hesitant to challenge the peace - I rather think this strange Kim Jung-IL would be quietly listening to his single radio station, instead of waving in the air history's most dangerous kinds of weapon, like an infantile bully raging at those who would dare ignore him. He would welcome being overlooked.

And I also opine that September 11th would not have happened, not with a U.S. standard in the center of the Middle East. From that standard, I suggest, would have flowed more power for freedom and good that can be imagined. The cowards would hesitate, the oppressed would come out into the sunlight. And the world would be a far better place.

Not perfect - for we are far from perfect - but a better place for all but the malevolent.

We were told that the reasons given for halting the advance were several - one of them is that to continue would "destabilize the region".

Well, we can all see that it certainly became a much more stable part of the world.

So now we must not hesitate. Or another moment is gone. Perhaps forever, this time. Who will believe us, in the future? Why should they? Uncle Sam with a big mouth and a paper hat.

And our allies? Ah, France and Germany don't want this venture, because they know how it would increase the influence of the United States, and cause a proportional decrease in theirs -- and their vanity. We can certainly understand why the princes and the dictators of the Middle East don't want us there. What gang wants a police station in their neighborhood?

There is a tremendous jealousy of this country - it is only natural. We can understand it, be mindful of it, and always, always try to never misuse this incredible power. But we cannot let this international petulance dissuade us from clear and crucial opportunities to make the world a better place. For there is no other country that can. Or will.

Those who scoff at this hubris? Let them look at the world in 1940 and then again in 1946. Let them look at Bosnia before and after, Panama, Grenada. Indeed, let them look at what used to be the USSR and the Warsaw Pact nations in 1990, and today.

Let them especially look at Kuwait and Saudi Arabia, the before and would-be after - the first would be a province of Iraq, the second an eviscerated vassal. The tortures, the maiming, the executions would be uncountable.

And why would the victorious Saddam have stopped there? Did Hitler stop with rearming the Rhineland? Or taking Austria? Or Czechoslovakia? Did Imperial Japan stop with Korea, Borneo, the East Indies, Burma, Indo-China?

We must do this thing, ladies and gentlemen - we must do it for the future of millions upon millions who will be free, who shouldn't have to fear that a son of Saddam will want to video tape their torture, or that a son-in-law will want his wife or children for sex, or that Saddam himself will settle a regional problem with poison gas or loathsome biology.

We must do this.

And, then, folks, we must turn to North Korea. . . .

--Joe McCain

Editor's Note: Joe McCain is the brother of Arizona Senator John McCain, and resides in Washington. I got the essay above from an e-mail he sent to the parents of his godson yesterday, whom the Sainted Wife and I have been friends with for years.

Needless to say, I agree with every word.


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Ask and Ye Shall Receive

For Omnibus Bill of Crimen Falsi, a North Carolina style barbecue restaurant near D.C. There's also Rocklands, which looks pretty good, but doesn't claim to be N.C. style in the least.

Previously in Ask and Ye Shall Receive, we found Expat Egghead Dribbling a place to drink a decent beer in Tel Aviv. We never heard back from him, so possibly the beer wasn't that great after all.

But still, we soldier on.


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Wonder No Longer

The fervent hopes and desires of literally ones of people have been answered. The bird misidentified by Reuters as a "Blue Hummingbird" has been identified, thanks to Sumit of BirdsofKolkata.com. It is a Purple Sunbird, Nectarina asiatica. Thanks, Sumit.


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2/27/2003




How Can You Have Any Pudding If You Don't Eat Your Peace?

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.


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They call me Cuban Pete
I'm the king of the rhumba beat
When I play the maracas
I go chick-chicky-boom
Chick-Chicky-Boom


Desi blog Dancing With Dogs has a new address.

Zod: Luuuucy!
No, no. It means "Indian expatriate" or something like that.
Zod: You in trouble now, Lucy.
Oh, never mind.
Zod: You ever notice how everyone else leaves blogspot after about a month?
Your point?
Zod: What's wrong with you?
I'm a cheap masochist.


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Beer of the Night

Hitachino Nest White Ale, from Japan. Curse you, Axis of Weasels, for forcing me to drink Japanese beer.

Not that there's anything particularly wrong with Nipponese Beer, on the whole. Japanese brewmasters produce some fine lagers. It's ales, rather than lagers, that make or break a country's reputation, though. That's why England, Belgium, Germany and the former Czechoslovakia have such strong brewing reputations. I'd hesitate to rank them in any sort of order, though Belgium would be at the top on any list. It's the second through fourth spaces that would cause me mental grief to try and sort out. I'd put the U.S. fifth, and Canada sixth.

That particular ranking is guaranteed to produce some hate mail in my inbox from residents of our neighbor to the north, so let me explain. Not that it will matter, I suppose.

On average, Canada produces better beer than the United States. But on the whole, the U.S. produces more quality beers than Canada does. A bigger population means more brewers, and more brew overall.

Sorry guys. If it's any consolation, it was a Molson that started me down the beer snob trail.

Now, speaking beer snobbery, I suppose I ought to make a stab at describing the Hitachino.

It's overwhelmingly citrusy. Now, I know white ales are supposed to have a nice citrus overtone to them, but it's usually pretty subtle, and usually leans towards the lemon end of the citrus scale. The Hitachino tastes like someone squeezed an entire tangerine into the bottle before it was capped. The color of the beer, a very orangy yellow, supports that theory. The tangerine taste doesn't make it a bad beer, and I suspect that particular essence was chosen in an attempt to make this ale stand out from the legion of Hoegaarden and Allagash imitators, but I personally think it should be a bit more subtle. It strikes me as the Japanese Beer equivalent of Engrish.

Please enjoy HITACHINO NEST BEER with fantastic food, we are sure that you will spend relax and cozy time. Having drinking Nest Beer on your left hand and eating Japanese traditional food on your right hand, isn't it wonderful?

Well, we present some of nice but simple everyday Japanese food which are totally matched with our Nest beer, So that you will be able to love more and more about our Hitachino Nest Beer.


That said, I imagine that the Hitachino Nest would be a perfect beer to drink while smoking. It's got a very clean, fresh accent, something that would be perfect for cutting across cigarette or cigar smoke. I'll give it a five.

For comparison's sake, Budweiser gets a two.


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I Know That Line. I Know It Well.

Ian: Hello Sir Dennis. Hi, how are you?
(out of phone) Oh, fucking old poofdah!
(into phone) But it's really not that offensive Sir Dennis come on. Okay. I'll call you absolutely first thing in the morning.
(slam phone)
Ah, shit. They are not gonna release the campaign...because they have decided that the ad cover is sexist.
Nigel: Well so what? What's wrong with being sexy? I mean there's no....
Ian: Sex-ist.
David: -ist, not sexy. Lemme ask you something - lemme ask you something
Ian: What?
David: Have you seen Brazil's current tourism campaign?
Ian: Um... yes, yes.
David: Have you seen the ad cover?
Ian: Um... no, no, I don't think I have.
David: It's a rather lurid cover, I mean...ah, it's, it's like naked women, and, uh....
Nigel: There's a guy tied down to this table,
Ian: Uh-huh.
Nigel: And he's got these whips and they're all...semi-nude.
David: Knockin' on 'im and it's like much worse...
Ian: What's the point?
David: Well the point is it's much worse than ours.
Ian: Because he's the victim. The objections were that she was the victim. You see?
Derek: I see....
Nigel: Oh...
David: Ah....
Ian: That's alright, if the man's the victim, it's different. It's not sexist.
Nigel: They did a twist on it. A twist and it s-
Derek: They did, he did. They turned it around.
Ian: We shoulda thought of that....
David: We were so close....
Ian: I mean if we had all you guys tied up, that probably woulda been fine.
All: Ah....
Ian: But it's...it's still a stupid ad cover.
David: It's such a fine line between stupid an'...
Derek: ...and clever.
David: Yeah, and clever.
Nigel: Just that little turnabout....


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And Hear Da Lamentations Of Dere Women

Aaron's Rantblog has improved the "First Iraq, Then France" bumper sticker.


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Mad As Hell, And Not Going To Take It Anymore

You know, I can forgive Reuters the little things, like their bias, slanted reporting and Anti-Semitism.

But a man can only be pushed so far, can only take so much before he has to stand up and be counted, to raise his voice and join the chorus of excoriation.

I am that man. This is that time.

And this is what I have to say to Reuters;

Hummingbirds only occur in the western hemisphere, you dolts.



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Goodbye, Neighbor

A nation mourns...........or at least a nation of children mourn. If all neighbors could be this nice our block might be a better place........of course, we would all be wearing cardigans, but we would be polite.


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mmmmmm....Thematic

Beer of the Night - Tetley's English Ale - Absolutely the best head I've ever seen on a beer, both as a draft and from the can. I drank my first one in a off the beaten path English pub in Orlando, and didn't see it again for years. Now, all of a sudden it's in the grocery store. It was quite a surprise, as I drank everything the Harris Teeter here offered years ago.

Not the Teeter's fault, mind you. They stock what they can sell, and a lot of the more interesting beers can't be sold in N.C., as they are above the alcohol limit mandated by the prohibition era law that covers in-state beer sales.

There's hope for the future, though. A group called Pop the Cap has launched an effort to change the state's definition of what beer is. They don't have a legislator to introduce a bill to amend the definition yet, but I'll be making calls to mine in support once they do.

And, as I have no money with which to buy loyalty of my elected representatives, I'll play this at them until they vote the way I want them to.

story link via the TarHeelPundit


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2/26/2003




Blinding Them With Science

The Win Without War phone-in protest tied up the phone lines on Capitol Hill today, at least the ones whose numbers are given out to the public. Senators have lots of phone lines, so I doubt that too much sand was thrown into the Congressional gears. Not that we'd be able to tell. Deliberative bodies are.....deliberate, after all. Sloths are models of haste in comparison.

If senatorial offices are anything like the pizza place I used to work at, once they got too busy the phone lines were just put on hold and ignored.

I could smell the tips in the air on those nights, long ago. I wonder what the interns who normally answer those lines smelled in the air today? Probably journalists, poor things.

Yes, interns. You think Trent Lott took all of his protest calls personally? You think Tom Daschle did?

I've had a couple of readers write in and suggest a pro-war phone and e-mail campaign, which is a great idea. But if you're going to do something like that, you don't want to call a Senator's office. If you get lucky and actually manage to reach a human, it's just going to be a secretary or an intern, and they are paid to be nice, to take down your message, and then roundfile it.

A Senatorial office has a lot of staff, a lot of organization, and a good bit of both is devoted to shielding the Senator from whatever the shitstorm of the day is, to insulate the wise and learned elected official from the hoi polloi, unless of course a polloi has come bearing his checkbook.

Without your checkbook, it's hard to get traction when calling a Senator. Lots of phone lines and lots of staff tend to grease the issues up like a pig on the 4th.

If you want to phone in a protest, you should target organizations that can't hand you off to a drone. You want an office without a lot of money, or the multiple phone lines and staffers that come with access to lots of money. You want an office run on a wing and a prayer, one where tying up a staff member on the phone keeps them from doing work more important to the mission of the organization.

You want to call a protest movement.

Suppose for a moment that war supporters just spontaneously decide to call Lynn Erskine, the listed contact for Win Without War, at her phone number, which by the way is 202-478-3429, to let Lynn know how they felt about the war, or left her a voice mail detailing their views on tying up Washington's phone lines during a time of crisis? How many calls do you think it would take before that number was rendered useless for the purpose of organizing the next protest?

How many voice mails, (long, polite ones, mind you, because war supporters are a genteel, reasonable and extremely slow talking folk when it comes to leaving voice mails), do you think Win Without War would wade through in order to hear ones more supportive of their cause? How many voice mails before someone reaches the tipping point and decides to just hit the delete button until all the messages are gone?

Would that tipping point be higher or lower for Not In Our Name, if war supporters also called their national office, at 212-969-8058?

Is either tipping point the same as the one after which spokesmen for those groups would use the phrase "suppression of dissent" when speaking to NPR about said phone calls?

How much interference from a counter-protest movement can a protest movement take before it collapses?

I wonder if I could get a grant to study that question? Purely in the spirit of scientific enquiry, of course.

Update: Rumor has it that the Not In Our Name voice mail boxes filled up on Thursday. Purely in a spirit of scientific enquiry, I wonder how many days this might go on, or before the second number, 202-478-3429, is in the same condition. Or the third, for Artists United to Win Without War, 310-204-2581.


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They're Baaack!

Okay, I ordered 100 bumper stickers. I've sold 101.

So I've ordered more.

Daddy Warbucks ain't got nothing on me, nosirree.



$3 bucks each, which includes shipping. Use the Paypal button on the right.

If you don't use Paypal, there's always ebay.


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23 Skidoo

This week's Carnival of the Vanities is at Kesher Talk. Thanks Judith, excellent job.

Upcoming Carnival stops include;

March 5th Gut Rumbles
March 12th The Daily Rant
March 19th Wylie Blog
March 26th Dancing with Dogs
April 2nd Go Fish
April 9th Solonor's Ink Well
April 16th Billegible
April 23th The Kitchen Cabinet
April 30th Clubbeaux
May 7th Common Sense and Wonder
May 14th The Inscrutable American

If you'd like to host the Carnival, drop us a line. Information on how to join the Carnival can be found here.


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Disarmament Clinic

Mon. Chirac: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Uncle Sam: Well, I was told outside that...
Mon. Chirac: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
Uncle Sam: What?
Mon. Chirac: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
Uncle Sam: Look, I CAME HERE FOR A RESOLUTION, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Mon. Chirac: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
Uncle Sam: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Mon. Chirac: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
Uncle Sam: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Mon. Chirac: Not at all. (Under his breath) Stupid git!!


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Suppression of Dissent?

Suppression of dissent is when your president starts arresting opposition leaders, when protest marches meet with pipe-wielding thugs instead of men who are sworn to protect and serve.

Suppression of dissent is keeping your opinion to yourself because you'll be arrested if you don't.

Suppression of dissent is not when preening, self-absored celebrities get somewhat less from the news media than the total adoration they think they deserve.

If even movie stars — the modern day equivalent of Olympian gods — must negotiate media minefields to get an anti-war word in, imagine how tough it is for less exalted citizens.

Dear God. I could stick my head so far up someone's ass that I could view the world from behind their teeth, and I would be less of a brown nose than the author of that sentence.


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2/25/2003




Next stop, Hooverville

Ate barbecue for dinner tonight, slow-cooked at the little restaurant just up the road from us, Lewis's. I worry about them, and try to go there at least once a month. It's obviously a family owned place, probably run by a guy who spent 20 years cooking at one of the more established places in the area, likely Allen & Son's or Bullocks, before striking out on his own. I've driven past it during what should have been the height of the dinner rush, and seen only a couple of cars, or none.

That doesn't mean that he's suffering. Most of the restaurants within 5 miles of our house do 80% of their business feeding the hordes that RTP disgorges at lunch, and places that serve far worse food than Mr. Lewis stay in business quite easily. Some of them just close for good at 2, and don't even bother with the dinner crowd.

Lewis's has been there for over a year now, so they're probably doing fine. I don't know that for sure, being as I am 20 miles and 45 minutes away come noon, so Ngnat and I go in now and again and order takeout. Combo plate for me, barbecue plate for the Sainted wife, and extra hushpuppies. Ngnat gets the first fruits from each of the styrofoam containers once we get home, and prefers barbecue and hushpuppies above all other food. We've taken to given her tiny, tiny portions of each, so that when the inevitable requests for seconds, thirds and fourths come in we have some vegetable leverage.

"More? Babakoo?"

"Eat three green beans and I'll give you some more barbecue, hon."

"Husspuppee?"

"Eat some corn...."

Ok.

And she eats some corn, or three beans and half a new potato, and gazes in greasy delight at the new forkful of pig on her plate before she vacuums it up.

Tonight she noticed my ribs. Not my personal ribs, of course. Even assuming I dined naked, which I haven't done since the Night Of The Unfortunate Fondue, they're not exactly Ethiopianically protuberant. She noticed my glazed and honeyed pork ribs. What Wilbur would have been without the damned busybody spider.

Good Pig.

"Wassat, Daddy?"

"It's a rib, honey. You want some?"

"Uh-huh."

This was unexpected, as her reaction to new foods normally causes a garlic/vampire metaphor to rear its cliched and hoary head, but this time the shiny gobbets of meat must have overcome her normal antipathy to the unknown. She stopped chewing only to say "More?" until I said the hell with it and handed her a rib of her own, one with a last few shreds of meat hanging off it, greasy and glistening with sauce.

Genetics will out. She immediately popped it in her mouth and treated it like a lollipop, at which the Sainted Wife took umbrage.

"Don't teach her to suck the bone."

I'm sad to say it was all I could do to keep the sweet tea from coming out of my nose. The wife gazed at me serenely, refusing to acknowledge that anything at all might be amiss, funny, or entendred in the least. I considered several responses, but under the gaze of that bland and dangerous countenance decided that perhaps, just this one time, discretion was the better part of valor.

"Why not?"

"It's so.....thirties." This from a woman whose parents weren't even born during the Depression, whose grandparents were growing up in the coal industry swank that was Bluefield, West Virginia in the 30's.

I guess this means that I shan't be passing on my hard won knowledge of how to crack chicken legs and extract the sweet dark marrow with a splinter of bone.* I think that's a pretty good indication of the difference in growing up with just one sister, as opposed to one sister and two other brothers, both of whom would steal the bare bone of a chicken leg off an unattended plate if Dad didn't get it first.

He grew up in Mississippi in the Depression, with 10 siblings. He's a man who knows the value of marrow.**


*The ends of a fried chicken leg are soft and can be chewed off. This leaves a piece of bone about the size of a pen, where most of the marrow is found. The bone has a ridge that runs down one side. Bite down a couple of times on each end of the chicken bone at a 90 degree angle to this ridge. This should shatter the bone, and create plenty of sharp bone splinters that you can use to scrape the marrow out with.

Once you are done, the same bone splinters make handy toothpicks.

**Yes, I married up. My wife's family is from West Virginia, and I increased my relative social class by marrying into it. I have to say I have never seen them use chicken bone splinters as toothpicks.


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Beer of the Night

Apparently I picked a prizewinner, Allagash White. It beat out Hoegaarden in the Belgian Style White/Belgian Style Wheat category last year, which was as big a shock to the brewing world as a middle school Jewish kid dunking on Shaq would be to the basketball world. Apparently this convinced the brewer to move it to Special Reserve status, as it now comes in an absolutely huge corked bottle rather than the shorty depicted in the pictures.


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John Ashcroft Fails Another Multiple Choice Exam

Which choice should the Department of Justice ignore?

1.) Biological Weapons
2.) Chemical Weapons
3.) Radiological Weapons
4.) Suicidal Islamic Terrorists
5.) Internet Bong Sales

John, you clueless Puritan ass, the only threat America faces from bongs is the threat to America's carpets should they get knocked over. Here's a secret, John, you moralistic twit. Anyone who bothers to order a bong off the Internet is less of a threat to the American way of life than you are, and they're not kids. They're Bobos and Yuppies, and a bunch of them would vote Republican for the rest of their lives if you would get the fuck out of their house.

Kids make bongs out of coke cans with a 10 penny nail. I haven't made one in 16 years, John, you pissoir of false morality, but should the situation arise I could produce a bong a minute, as could any kid over 8. And you're going to stop drug use by shutting down glassmakers?

Pot is the new scotch, you dipshit. It's got a thousand different varieties, produced with as much care as any other gourmet product. It's also got rotgut varietals, which kids can get easier than they can alcohol. You know why they can get it so easy, you retarded git? It's cheaper. You would think by now at least some of the laws of capitalism would have penetrated that thick skull by now. You are supposedly a Republican, after all, though it is increasingly clear that is in name only. It's obvious that your natural party is the Pharisees.

The only way to reduce the instance of pot smoking among kids is to legalize it and tax it. That treatment is proven, it worked with smoking and drinking, both of which are at historic lows in the U.S. population.

But you won't do that. You'll keep on stomping about like a Kennedy a keg party, oblivious to everything other than your own precious beliefs, convinced that you're right and that you know what's best.

Well, you're not and you don't. I know a guy just like you, though. You'd get along well with him.

His name's Osama.

Update: Other reactions, via Instapundit.
Oliver Willis. TalkLeft.

Response to Comments: Comments are down, but I did see a couple before I left for work. The one I most appreciated said I was the same as the "Bush and Sharon = Hitler" crowd. Considering the tone of my rant, that insult was pretty much note perfect. Excellent job, Jeremy.

Do I think Ashcroft's just like Osama? No. But I wouldn't (and didn't, as you may have noticed) hesitate to say he reminds me of the mullahs at times. They have a proscriptive morality that springs from religion, he has a proscriptive morality that springs from religion. I don't trust or care for morals police, either of the right or left, because both promote venal sins to mortal status for purposes of their own. Occasionally this strikes me at a angle sufficient to chip off a nice load of invective. Take it with a grain of salt. I certainly do.

I'll respond to the legalize/not legalize arguments once I can read them again. Bloody commenting systems.


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2/24/2003




Beer of the Night

Riggwelter Yorkshire Ale

Yes, I've had the Holy Grail Ale as well. Not since the fishing trip, though.


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Almost Bedtime

Daddy, I wanna watch again.

Okay, but this is the last time.

Daddy, what happen to them?

Someone set them up the bomb, honey.

Oh.


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Sound and Fury

Why do people think the peace movement is a threat to the Iraqi war? Why is debating the relative numbers of marchers in a particular protest important? After all, it's not like a significant number of these protesters were planning on voting Republican in 2004 to begin with, or for that matter ever have. Their votes in the next election might as well already be tallied. The only question is whether those votes go in the Democratic column, or that of the Greens.

If George Bush doesn't realize it, then Karl Rove certainly does. The Bush administration could announce immediately that the U.S. was withdrawing all forces from the Middle East, and it wouldn't matter. The protestors aren't voting for him next time, no matter what. All a withdrawal would do is alienate the hawks, who mostly think he's too much of a wobbly accommodationist as it is.

The peace movement in the U.S. needs about 5 million more activists before their numbers begin to matter at all to the Bush administration, and the only way the movement will get to that level of participation is if the Iraqi war is bloody and drawn out. If that happens, Bush is doomed in 2004 anyway. He would be unelectable, as Johnson was in 1968. It's a sad commentary on a movement that calls itself peaceful when an Iraqi quagmire is the best chance it has to move up from impotency to redundancy.

The number of European protestors matter even less than do the number of American ones. At least our native peaceniks have a chance at influencing the outcome of an election. Thirty million French and Germans could march and chant every day for the rest of the month, and the only impact they would have would be on global warming. They can't vote in our elections, so Bush is not going to pay attention to them. That the Democrats do is a fairly accurate measure of that party's decline in political acumen.

When it comes to heading off the Iraqi war, anti-war protestors have one insurmountable obstacle between them and the success of their movement. George Bush is not a Democrat, and historically the American peace movement has only had an impact on Democrats, because the peace movement has been dominated by the left since the Vietnam war. Republicans may have had to deal with isolationists in the past, but the isolationist point of view tends to differ rather dramatically from that of the peace movement, especially as regards the role of the United Nations, and its candidates have had little success. The Democratic peace candidates, on the other hand, regularly gain the presidential nomination of their party, even if they tend to lose rather badly in the general election.

When the peace movement sneezes, Democrats catch cold. Republicans don't even hear anything.

Protests against the war in Vietnam helped to bring down Lyndon Johnson in 1968, and helped make George McGovern the Democratic nominee in 1972. Both elections were won by a Republican, Nixon, who in the face of regular peace demonstrations not only took 7 years to fulfill his campaign promise of the war's "Vietnamization", but expanded the war into Cambodia.

The next elected Republican, Ronald Reagan, was confronted with the nuclear freeze movement, which in 1982 was strong enough to turn out a million people for a protest in Central Park. He ignored it, then killed it when his administration suggested the movement was bankrolled by the Soviets. Walter Mondale, the Democratic nominee in 1984, endorsed the idea of a nuclear freeze and went on suffer the worst electoral loss in U.S. history.

Michael Dukakis, the 1988 Democratic nominee, was a member of the nuclear freeze movement, and suffered the same fate.

In 1991, 75,000 protestors marched on the first Bush White House just prior to Desert Storm. Thousands of others held a peace vigil the night before the bombs dropped. Two days later the movement was dead.

Bush lost the next election, not because of the war, but because he alienated the right wing of his party, and the economy went down the toilet on his watch. It's telling that the man who defeated him, Bill Clinton, dressed himself in the mantle of the Vietnam era peace movement while essentially ignoring the peace movement's positions on Iraq and Kosovo during his presidency. He became the only Democrat elected to two terms since Harry Truman.

At this point, the only chance George Bush has of being elected to a second term is to defeat Saddam. Backing down now would shatter his base of support within his own party, and ensure another primary challenge, probably from John McCain at the very least. His path to re-election lies through Baghdad.


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Joke in Search of a Punchline

How many Duke Transplant Surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?


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2/23/2003




Sunday Trinity

Beer of the Night - Vuuve - Apparently a wit beer, but one with more than a hint of the sourness you would expect to find in a Belgian red ale, probably becuase it's brewed with coriander and orange peel. Very, very pretty beer, with what most reviewers would call a hazy and strawlike or golden color because no one wants to say it looks like dehydrated urine. It's the best beer I've had this week, and the last of the Axis of Weasel beers for a while.

Giving up French beers is no big deal, but German and Belgian? Dammit.

Song of the Night - Jaan Pehechaan Ho!

Link of the Night - The Compleat Blogosphere


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S.H.I.E.L.D.*

Mr. President,

I am pleased to report that the human shield deployment is nearly complete. As estimated in my memo of 1st January, fully one-third of the shields deployed are either our assets, or those of the CIA, MI5, or Mossad. All are experts in sabotage, improvised munitions, and assassination. The remaining two-thirds are, as Sec. Rumsfeld described, "doubly useful idiots," in that they provide valuable cover for our covert operatives.

As expected, the Iraqi government has deployed the shields to cover the targets Saddam considers the most critical to the survival of his regime. Collection of intelligence is ongoing, and is expected to continue through the outbreak of hostilities, but we have already confirmed the existence of several WMD caches either previously unknown to us, or whose locations were only roughly known. Bombing coordinates for these targets have been variously pinpointed through the use of concealed GPS devices, triangulation of cell and satellite phone calls, and in one instance, a classroom laser pointer.

In most cases our assets have been deployed as part of a larger group of shields, but the luck of the draw has created several groups containing none of our agents. Intelligence gathered from these shields is therefore more sketchy, and information other than location is gathered primarily through analysis of their cell phone conversations. Nevertheless, we have confirmed the location of one underground bunker within Baghdad proper, as well as an al-Samoud missile factory.

Cell-phone usage has also allowed us to locate all remaining shield group positions. We have scheduled U-2 and reconnaissance satellite overflights for these areas, and have a high degree of confidence that our analysts will be able to classify them before the campaign commences. Agent O'Keefe is to be commended for the creation and implementation of the plan, and is expected to provide invaluable service once we begin to focus on the Iranian and Korean fronts.


Col. Nicholas Fury
Undersecretary of Operations
NSC

23rd February, 2003

*Strategic Human Intelligence, Enabled by Loony Dupes


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