Silflay Hraka

8/03/2002





A response to their response to my response to their response to.....oh the hell with it.


This is Part three.
Part one is here.
Part two is here.

The Instapundit bandwith firehose seems to be tapering off a bit, thank god, or dammit, depending on whether I'm thinking about the number of visitors or the times I've been bitch-slapped. In any case, that allows me to respond to the comments one by one rather than as a whole. You can decide for yourself whether that is a good thing or not. As before, thanks for dropping by and allowing us the chance to infect you with our memes.

First up is ...dammit the comments server has crashed. Motherpussbucket. Okay, I wanted to do my visitors first, but ya'll have to wait now. I think Armed Liberal uses Yaccs too, so first up is whatever I find over at Glenn's place. mmmmmmmm......overly familiar.

First up is Pejman who is....hmmm.....let me check the ecosystem to see how much I have to fear/respect/brownnose him....oooooo... a mortal human! And thus more popular than me.

First up is is the esteemed Pejman Yousefzadeh. Women love him. Men want to be like him. His well thought out comments appear in bold. My hesitant, slipshod and under-informed responses appear in italics My comments on my comments will be underlined

Does this guy

This guy? I have a name. 'Tis a silly name, but a name nonetheless. To assuage my wounded feelings, Mr. Yousefzadeh, I will for the remainder of our conversation refer to you as Mr. Pej Dispenser...I'm picturing you with........a...yes, a Homer head.

realize just how hard it is going to be to displace a population of five million people, and then settle them in this country?

Yes, five million at once would be hard. I didn't call for five million Palestinians to arrive at once, en masse. Small numbers first, then more. In any case, I don't think we'd every get to five million before the fact of the new Exodus I like this wordplay, for I am easily amused. made a big impact. As I have written elsewhere, East Germany didn’t collapse because all the East Germans left, it collapsed because some of them did. I think the same thing would happen to to PA. In Mr. Dispenser's defense, he has probably not read those words, for they appeared after he commented in the wee hours of the morning.

I realize that this plan was made with the best of intentions, but it just won't work.

Thank you, you're probably right. It definitely won't work if we don't try it.

Why not demand that Jordan and/or Egypt give back that part of land that was supposed to help constitute an independent Palestine when it was created along with Israel in 1948?

That's a great idea. I don't think it will work, but it's worth a try. It would dovetail nicely with mine.

Why not demand that Lebanon, the Gulf states, and Iraq treat their Palestinian populations better, and not like second class dirt?

Also a fine idea, but demanding that people treat other people better doesn't have a real good track record anywhere. As I commented in response to Laurence, before Yaccs took away my comments, bastards! if we treat the Palestinians better than their so-called "Arab Brethren" do, we might find that instead of enemies, we have allies. And no, I'm not suggesting that the whole of the Palestinian people will, Grinch-like, find their hearts growing three sizes that day. But some might. Hell, there are Palestinians helping the Israelis now. We'd be a entire rationalization step down from that.

If they do these things, it would be a lot easier to cause Palestinians to move elsewhere (although it still will not be easy). But relocating most or all of them to America? If only it were that simple.

I've never claimed that my idea was a simple, stand-alone solution. Thanks for the comments, Pejman. You already know this, but that's an excellent blog.

Next: John Tilley. Come on down!

This sounds suspiciously like a "Worthwhile Canadian Initiative".

Oooooooo....that's a fine idea.

I wish Silflay hadn't mentioned Canada as a possible destination. We just might try it.

Well, you've got better beer. They might like it more up there.

Only there would be no restrictions, no monitoring and no deportations for violations of Canadian law.

Canada has laws?

Just a couple of million Palestinians training and mobilizing in Ontario with the financial support of the federal gov.

I don't think we should put them in the same place, and I definitely don't think we should give them much assistance, certainly less than the welfare recipients here get. The Irish found jobs and houses, so did the Italians. The Palestinians can do the same. If we must spend money on them, let it come out of the funds we send to the Middle Eastern Arabs for foreign aid.

Okay, Yaccs is still down, and AL....hmmmmmm calls himself a liberal, comments under the name AL, must be Gore. Al Gore is sending people to my blog! Woo-hoo! AL also uses Yaccs, so I'll update this later with other comments. Keep the fires burning, people!

Aaaaannd we're back. Let's welcome Carey from Cognocentric. Always nice to see a new face, Carey, try to come back early and often.

Here's the problem:

"... Are you welcoming all the oppressed into our land?

No, but the Statue of Liberty is. Besides, those other guys ... [Kashmiris and E.Timorese] ... aren’t really bothering us right now."


This is one of the arguments I gave short shrift to. Let's get right to the groin kicking

I'll grant you the remark about the Statue of Liberty (never did see how we squared "Give me your poor ..." with 20th century immigration policies). But what do you think will happen when the Kashmiris, the IRA, the Chechens, the Timorese, the Tamils, or whoever, find out that the surest and quickest way to get a permanent US visa is to pick up a gun or throw a bomb, provided only that they don't get caught?

Well, most of them are going to get caught. Certainly most of the Palestinians do. In any case, they must not only escape Justice, they've got to create a conflagration that burns the US, as this one has. It's not right, but it's the way of the world.

No thanks. Nice idea, but exactly the wrong incentive is being offered.

How about free ice cream? People like ice cream!

Maybe if you said the US will start admitting Palestinians by the thousands or tens of thousands under a special program which is scheduled to begin ten years after the last act of political violence ...

There's no incentive for us to do anything ten years after they've finally calmed down over there. Also, the Palestinians don't seem to understand that argument real well. Israel has been using something akin to it for a while now. But it would make a nice song "And they won't leave home till it's over over there!"

Update: Carey has blogged more on this, and it's pretty good.

You have a good day, Carey. Folks, meet David!. Howaya, David?

My point, so ably twisted by Hraka,

Thanks David, it's easy to dodge about when the guy you're playing against spends most of his time grinding his ax. In any case, I would argue that I simply looked at the same information and reached a different conclusion.

is not that a Palestinian Diaspora will necessarily result in homicide bombings in the United States, but that bringing Palestinians here will not "reform" them, as Hraka's wishful thinking would have it.

If Palestinians are posessed of some unique arabic original sin, then it should infect all of them. Since there are Palestinians here who have yet to blow themselves up in F.A.O. Schwarz, that original sin doesn't exist. If only the Palestinians in the Middle East are the ones who sup hate with their mother's milk, then they are unredeemable and all 10 million be killed, for they cannot be reformed. Is that what you believe? Is genocide the only answer? If it is not, then they can be reformed. If they can be reformed, what better place to do it than the beacon of liberty? In any case, you have looked into the abyss, and been caught. You are the same as the Islamikazes, the same as the Islamofascists, because they also believe that an entire race is evil. They just picked a different race.

Many are here now and hold views just as bad as the "average middle-class Palestinian" in the Middle East, who takes his infant to the equivalent of the KMart Photo Center, to be snapped wearing a gunbelt.

Do you have a picture of an American Palestinian baby dressed up in a suicide outfit? If not, then you are making a statement without supporting evidence. If you do, then CNN will probably give you big bucks. In any case, until American muslims start committing terrorist acts, they get the benefit of the doubt. Speech is not action. Speech suppressed leads to action, though. Which would you prefer? My, that sounds familiar. Getting lazy, there, 'wig

Location does not change a person's basic beliefs.

Untrue, As the master said "Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes".

The idea that living in a pink house and having plenty of cash and DVDs rather than living in a hovel will transform anyone into a quasi-Republican is not only laughable, but profoundly perverse.

Worked on me. Except for the pink house. That changes people into John Cougar Mellencamp.

The reason is that the idea is based on Marx's notion that the tools of production condition one's thinking rather than vice-versa.

Dude. End of history? Cold war over? Communism defeated? And you're looking to Marx for inspiration?

The Palestinians who are here now and are peaceful, did not arrive full of hatred for the United States and then become "reformed"; those of them who came here did so precisely because they didn't need to be reformed.

You know, I bet that if we asked them if they wanted to emigrate, before they actually did emigrate, mind you, that their answer would have been yes. Also, I don't hear a lot of them demanding their "Right of Return"

The reason they changed their material condition and location was because of their ideas - versus a new location and material condition being thrust upon them and, magically, changing their ideas.

My point exactly. We need to get new ideas into the Pali's in the occupied territories. We can't do it while they are over there, because over there their leaders kill them when they step out of line. We need to remove them from thier leadership, or the leadership from them. It's possible to do both at once.

In short, the ones who want to be here for the right reason *already are here*; to the extent any Palestinian remains in the Middle East more or less voluntarily, he or she is irredeemable.

You assume that the Palestinians remaining in the Middle East are there voluntarily. We have immigration quotas. I bet the one for Palestinians is full every single year.

Giving someone a (chance at) a nice American house, a nice neighborhood school, wads of cash, a professional career, and all the showgirls boobs he can gawk at, does not transform him into an American patriot. Just ask Mohammed Atta ... oh, wait, you can't.

Nice punch at the end, David. Good use of the language. Atta rented his house, didn't bring his kids, got his wads of cash from terrorists, had a career as a terrorist and there is no such thing as "all the showgirl's boobs you can gawk at." That number is infinite. Other than that, you got a point. Except that your case study didn't have enough subjects, and thus is inadequate for the conclusion you draw.

Have a good weekend David. I'm sure I'll see you real soon.

Ngnat is up from her nap. I'll be back later folks, so hold your abuse until then. And remember "I love you"


Hey, I've got a moment! Hi d smith!

You put up a good defense,

Thanks! It's a standard bob and weave, leavened with cheap shots whenever they present themselves

but I think you're still overly optimistic about the influence of American culture.

Well, the influx of American culture absolutely terrifies the French, but so does a light wind from the east. But when was the last time you had a Arabic soda pop, or watched a Palestinian movie?. We are the nuclear bomb of cultures, baby.

The 9/11 hijackers lived here for a while before they attacked, didn't they?

You've been talking to David, haven't you?

We've got Islamic schools in America that teach the evils of the Jews.

And no suicide bombers.

We've got crackdowns on Moslem businessmen and Moslem charities in America sending money to terrorist organizations abroad.

And no suicide bombers.

You underestimate the strength of their beliefs.

I can't imagine that they're any stonger than those people who try to sell me the Watchtower ever week. I think you're making the mistake of treating 10 million people as a monolithic block. On one end are the Islamikazes. One the other are these guys. Not all Palestinians want to kill you.

I can't understand why anyone would want to make them America's problem.

They're already our problem.

Hell, their Moslem neighbors don't want them.

Again, if no one wants you, and someone offers you friendship, don't you think you might be more kindly disposed to them? Jesus, do you have something to add here?

I was hungry and you gave me to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me to drink; I was a stranger and you took me in, naked and you dressed me, sick and you visited me, imprisoned and you came to visit me.

Man, that was cheap. Felt good, though.

How many American Moslem friends do you have?

Dunno. Never though to ask. Don't know how many Baptist friends I have either. The number is more than one in each case, now that I think about it.

Do you ever ask them what their thoughts on Israel are?

We're usually too drunk to talk about serious stuff. He does bitch about profiling, though. Wait, do you mean the muslim?

Have you suggested that we bring the Palestinians here in order to weaken Palestinian resistance?

Do you think that would make a difference? Even if it pissed him off, he's not going to go out and blow himself up at the mall. He's an American.

Have you suggested that we call them detainees and make them clean out the icee machines?

Well, he does need help in the store.

Moment over. Green Mile beckoning. I hear it's long, so I'll see you tomorrow. I haven't forgotten you, Malus. Nor you, Katzman.

Final Update: The Green Mile is the most interminable good movie I have ever seen. Upon further reflection, I have decided that possibly I will forget you guys. I think I've addressed most of Joe's arguments. Joe, if you disagree drop me a note and I'll cobble something together. I suspect that you don't care either way, which is fine with me.

Malus, It's late, but what the hell.

Huh? Perhaps I'm missing something but this reply seems completely unresponsive.

Yes it was. You gave me a six word post, so I didn't have a lot to address. You suggested that it was not our problem to solve. I dismissed it with a joke, because I think that most people read it, referenced 9/11, and also dismissed it. Your expansion of your post here makes more sense.

You're suggesting a vast and risky undertaking unprecedented in American history; you'll have to offer a better defense than this.

It doesn't have to start out big. Indeed, I don't think it should.

Look, my point was simply that America didn’t create this problem -- if anything it's the Brits who should clean up the mess.

It's my personal belief that the Brits gave up empire about three generations too early, but that's not going to make me any more popular. In any case, they don't have the muscle anymore. We do.

America isn’t suffering from this situation

9/11. You could argue that 9/11 has nothing to do with this, and you could make a case. But it would be crazy to suggest that we can let the pot boil without it ever harming us.

-- yes, our Israeli allies are, but Palestinian terrorism doesn’t hurt the US, and once their Iraqi supporters are vaporized,

That's us solving the problem. Make up your mind

the Palestinians will be in even less of a position to do harm. Given that we didn’t create this problem, that we don’t suffer from it,

Given that we're already suffered from it, and are almost guaranteed to suffer from it in future. I have different givens, you see.

and that we are poised to address it by other means,

When you don't know what works, and we don't yet, seeing as how the problem is not solved, you should try lots of things, rather than betting everything on one approach.

I just think that this proposal makes very little sense.

Proposal? Damn. I could have sworn I wrote that in the imperative.

Other posters objected to the "Whats." I won't even touch that. I don’t think there's any reason Why.

Pray you never find one. Pray as well that you never say that to someone who has.

Aaaand we're out. Thanks to all and sundry. That was a pretty fun 60 or so hours.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.





Sowing a Carrot Reaps the Whirlwind


First the apologies. This is going out to multiple places, because there are multiple places where people are bitching at me. It's no problem for me, but some of you may run across it more than once. It's also going out to anyone who listed an email address in the comments on Instapundit, Armed Liberal, and here. Sorry about that. Second, It's late and I have to get up with a toddler in five hours, so I have given some arguments shorter shrift than they deserve. I'll email some of you personally with extra shrift later. Third, Armed Liberal has already put up a defense. I haven't read it yet, as I didn't want it to affect my thoughts. Fourth, thanks for all the comments.

So, there might be a smidgeon of doubt about the whole "bring the Palestinians over here and teach them good good manners and hygiene" thing. I'll do my best to address some of the more general themes of discontent, then move on the the more specific.

You are a wacko and your idea is nuts.

Curiously enough, I didn't expect to be accused of a being crazy, though anyone familar with the majority of my additions to the blogosphere could be expected to argue otherwise. Though, now that I think about it, the looney j'accuse makes perfect sense in light of the situation. What political dialogue there is about the Palestinian situation travels more or less down two specific tracks. The first one is that Israel is an aggressor and an occupier and must give up land for peace with the poor benighted Palestinians. The one more prevalent in the blogosphere is that the only way to prevent Palestinian violence is to punish them until they give up and let the Israelis live in peace. Then, and only then, can there be a Palestinian state. I thought of something different. It doesn't really fit in as filigree onto one of the two main themes, so it's crazy. Just because it's crazy doesn't mean that it won't work. And I think it will function elegantly with the second track. More on that later.

Bringing hundreds of thousands of Muslims to America means there will be suicide bombings in America.

Umm, there are already hundreds of thousands of Muslims in America. Heard of any of them blowing themselves up lately?

Fine, bringing thousands of Palestinians to America means there will be suicide bombings in America.

Well, thanks to reader and ubiquitous poster David Rowlett, we know that there are already Palestinians in America, and their children refer to the Intifada as the "Palestinian Freedom Uprising." Heaven's Above! Surely there they've been involved in suicide bombings? Well....no. Thanks David, though I'm pretty sure helping my argument wasn't why you posted.

Okay, the Palestinians in America are different than the Palestinians in the Middle East. Those Palestinians eat hate with their mother's breastmilk, and are indoctrinated day and night in killing.

Well, hell, so did the Japs, and the Krauts. I'm pretty sure I recall the Germans making soap out of dead soldiers back in the Great War. They're still around, and so are the Nips. There are 10 million Palestinians, and they're not all hate filled killing machines. They're just under the control of hate-filled killing machines. Frankly, that argument sounds familiar to me. I think I read it in another book, applied to another people. It's called The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. If they were all hate filled killing machines, they'd be a little more feared. If they were all hate filled killing machines, if we knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, then all 10 million should all be killed, like rabid dogs. Why have I not heard more calls for this course of action?

I agree that there is a risk allowing Palestinians to emigrate to the US, but the argument that there will be suicide bombings here because of that not only doesn't hold water, it's cowardly. People blog all goddamn day about how the Israelis should do this or that to the Palestinians, and why we should bomb the crap out of Iraq, and they can do so because other than that one unpleasant incident, the War on Terror is overseas, and not really threatening. Palestinians over there are nice little targets. Palestinians over here become hulking bringers of death. I know the feeling. I ride the bus to work with a Muslim lady, and every day I look for a bomb. Neither image is a true one. The Palestinians are just people, just like the Germans, just like the Japanese, and just like the Jews. The idea that all 10 million of them are ready to strap on bombs, and all that is stopping them is a lack thereof, is ludicrous.

You can argue that the Palestinians and the Arabs are shame based cultures, like the Japanese and the Germans, and that they must first be thoroughly beaten before we can teach them democracy. That's a good argument, one that I agree with. I just think maybe we should see if there are any we can teach before we lay waste to them and their land. They'd make nice leaders later.

Letting the Palestinians settle here is appeasement! and The Palestinians won't come here because they won't leave their sacred homeland!

I think these cancel each other out. I’ll address them anyway. First, appeasement is when you give an aggressor something he wants, like when Chamberlain gave Hitler the Sudetenland. I don’t recall any demands that we settle Palestinians in America starting yesterday or else, so it's not appeasement.

If the Palestinians won’t come, then the Palestinians won’t come. No skin off my nose. You would think that if it was that sacred, they might have put up a better fight than they did in ’48. Ask them and see. I think you'll be surprised. Also, and I think this addresses some of the other complaints, I don’t think many Palestinians need to leave at all to have a huge impact. East Germany didn’t collapse because all the East Germans left, it collapsed because some of them did.

You can’t force them to leave.

Nope. Not trying too. I think they should be offered a choice between "The right of return and present misery" or "No right of return and the chance at a free life." The Palestinians can choose whichever they like.

This isn’t America’s problem to solve.

Yes, because all the Sept. 11th terrorists were little old ladies with nail clippers. That’s the secret reason why they all get searched now.

You’re counting on the CIA/FBI/INS to do their job, and that’s idiotic.

Nope, read the post. I’m counting on Mossad to do their job. I think they have a good idea of who has been naughty and who has been nice.

You’ll never convince the Western countries to let them in.

Fortunately, this is not my job. I’m just the idea man. But Madison Avenue can sell anything. That’s why the Saudis hired them.

This is a peaceful solution, and as such cannot work.

No, this is a carrot, and carrots never work without sticks. The stick is the continuing Israeli punishment of the Palestinians after each bombing, which I fully support. I just don’t think it will work on its own.

They and their strong culture will overwhelm us.

There’s 10 million of them. There’s 280 million of us, 220 million if you leave out the Gore voters, and many would. Give me a break. I’m also not suggesting that we put them all in the same place. The Middle Eastern Diaspora would be nothing compared to the American one.

You can’t make them follow special rules, it isn’t constitutional.

They’re not citizens. Perhaps we could call them detainees. Those guys have got no rights.

The Palestinians are pawns of larger forces.

Yes. Let’s get them off the board by whatever means possible.

You can’t make them give up the right of return.

No, not really. It’s a symbolic thing. But so is the right of return. I cancel out your symbol with my symbol.

What’s next, the Kashmiris? The East Timorese. Are you welcoming all the oppressed into our land?

No, but the Statue of Liberty is. Besides, those other guys aren’t really bothering us right now.

Black September! Black September!

Jordan trusted them, and let them have guns. We won't, and they can't

Fine then. Look at the trouble Europe has with its Muslims.

Europe pays them to sit around and plot all day. We’re going to make them fill up the Icee machine and clean toilets.

You're a girl.

I’m not a girl. Though I do guess that Silflay Hraka does have a vague Romanian female feel about it if you don’t know what it means.

Thanks for playing, and remember to send all flames to Bigwig AT nc.rr.com

Update: A response to their response to my response to their response to.....oh the hell with it. It's here


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

8/02/2002





A carrot


I don’t care for the Palestinians. Though as individuals there are probably bright, funny, intelligent and peaceful Palestinians, as a people they have chosen a way that makes them murderous bastards in the eyes of many in the world. Any people that dances and sings when innocents are murdered, whether on Sept 11th or because of the latest suicide bombing, doesn’t really deserve the human rights given to them. You can argue that the celebrants are a minority, that most Palestinians don’t rejoice when Israeli babies die, but you certainly don’t hear Palestinians condemning the festive cheers. The only condemnation of the suicide bombings comes from a tactical argument, rather than a moral one.

Yet, for Israel’s safety and our own, there must be a peace. We cannot just wipe the Palestinians out, the peace of the grave would make us no better than they, and I believe the state of Israel, founded as a refuge against genocide, would founder if it became the agent of one. Conquering the Palestinians may quiet them for a time, as it has before, but every bloody hiding given to them creates the radicals who will cause the next Intifada, creates new warped hypnotists to indoctrinate another generation of suicide bombers. And the suicide bombers will never stop. To stop would mean admitting that the ones who have already strapped on a bomb and gone to paradise have spent their lives in vain. With each new bomber that number grows, and each new bomber makes the collective admission that much harder. There is no border, no fence that can keep out all who want to cross it. Bombers will cross and they will kill and die. The circumstances surrounding them will become worse, the horror more dire. There is no line that can be drawn in which you say “Here, on one side of this line there are the suicide bombers, and on the other side there are not. There are female suicide bombers. There are children who will become suicide bombers before they turn thirteen. One day, one day closer than you can think or fear, there will be a Jewish suicide bomber, blowing themselves up to protest the occupation. On that day Israel dies.

Yes, the Palestinians are mulishly stubborn, and mulishly stupid. And like a mule, they will stand in the traces and die before moving, no matter how hard they are beaten, because they have made up their minds that this is how they resist. Israel can beat them harder and harder, and we will collectively cheer the savage beating, and urge Israel on, because in our minds we think; “Surely this time they will crack. Surely this savage punishment will show them the errors of their ways. This beating will teach them at long last the value of peace.” But this is wrong, because we are rational, and punishment only works on the rational. The Palestinians are not rational, for rational people do not send their children off to die. We cannot beat them hard enough to make them rational, because beatings don’t make people rational. If anything, a beating makes one crazier.

To move a mule, as anyone with even a passing acquaintance with clichés knows, one needs a carrot as well as a stick. There is no carrot being offered to the Palestinians now, nor has anyone thought of a new one to offer them. What we call for, and I am as guilty as any, is a harder and heavier stick. “Kill their leaders and they will stop.” Kill their leaders and new ones spring to take their place. “Wall them off and they will stop.” Wall them off and they will go over, or under, or their weapons will go over, or under. “Lock them inside their homes for 24 hours a day and they will stop.” They will not stop, and we cannot kill them all without becoming them.

Israeli/Palestinian negotiations, such as they were, always ran headlong into one final sticking point, no matter what else had been agreed on. The Right of Return. Israel cannot afford to grant it, and Yasser Arafat cannot afford to give it up. Presumably no Palestinian leader who was not our puppet would, and what puppets give away is meaningless. The Right of Return must be removed as a stumbling block, or the numbers it applies to reduced to a point acceptable to Israel. We must offer something to the Palestinians, something valuable enough that they give up the Right of Return. So here is where I think I’ve stumbled across a carrot. A carrot called America.

According to best estimates, there are just over 5 million Palestinians in Israel and the occupied territories. There are maybe 5 million more scattered throughout the Middle East. Let’s start with the ones in the occupied territories and let them emigrate; in small numbers at first, then more, then hundreds of thousands a year. Let them come to America. And in exchange, they give up the Right of Return for themselves and all their progeny, forever.

The immediate response is visceral, negative; “Why would you allow a race of suicide bombers into the US?”

They are not a race of suicide bombers. Believing that they are is a step down the path towards dehumanizing them, to making genocide a viable possibility. Palestinians are under the sway of the suicide bombers because they have no other recourse, because they live under leaders who promote it. To make them rational, they must be removed from the influence of a leadership that extols suicide. Their leaders are terrorists, they are not welcome. They can stay in the hell they’ve created and die. The ones who do come should be screened. If Mossad doesn’t have a file on them, we can welcome them with open arms. Sure, a few bad ones will get in, as did during the Mariel boatlift. But the majority will be overwhelmed with joy to be here and will work hard at crappy jobs, to give their children the shining city on the hill.

As Palestinians leave the occupied territories, spaces will open up that can be offered to the Palestinians of the Diaspora. If one decides that they’d rather stay in Jordan, or Lebanon, then they have given up the Right of Return as well. How many Palestinians do you think will trade the rule of King Abdullah for the tender mercies of the Palestinian Authority when they have to make the choice? Given only a few years, the Right of Return will apply not to millions but to only hundreds of thousands, and perhaps only tens of thousands.

Clearing a Mossad review should by no means be the only step. We are letting them in, so we can make the rules. And there will be rules, restrictive rules, rules that can be applied because the Palestinians won’t be citizens, they’ll be parolees;

1.) Families get the first spots, and extended families are preferred. The more relatives a Palestinian has in country, the less likely it is that they will do something to endanger them. Young, single males are at the very end of the list. The families will go where we choose, be that New York City, Duluth, or Lizard Lick.

2.) Families with a “history” of suicide bombing wouldn’t be allowed to emigrate. This would produce an immediate benefit to Israel. Everyone wants to come to America. People die every month trying to get here. How many Palestinians would risk the chance of America for revenge? Instead of ululating joyfully when their son explodes, a Palestinian family would curse his name for removing their chance at a better life. The worst life in America is better than 90% of the lives Palestinians lead now. How many of them will decide that a dead child in paradise isn’t as good as a live one at the 7-11?

3.) As was stated above, Palestinians who come to our shores are on parole. We’re going to monitor their lives as well as their bank accounts. If we label a group as supporters of terrorism, they can’t associate with them. All the money the Palestinians bring with them and all that they earn is deposited in a bank of our choice, and monitored by us. They have the free use of it, but no money goes back to the Middle East, not to relatives, not though charities. Each family gets a parole officer/social worker who, as part of their training, watches videos of the aftermath of suicide bombings. Yes it will take a bureaucracy to handle this, but if we build the monitoring system correctly, it won’t have to be huge. And it’ll give the department of Homeland Security something better to do than spying on us.

4.) Palestinians who break our rules or our laws are jailed, in a jail built by us, but the funding for which comes from a variable tax on the Palestinians in the US. The more Palestinians that break the rules, the higher the tax will be.


There will be more rules, Mr. or Mrs. Palestinian Immigrant. But there will also be rewards.

1.) You get to live and work in America, the land of opportunity. Work hard and you’ll have a life you never dreamed of. Your children will have riches and liberty beyond your most fervid imagination.

2.) All your children born here are citizens.

3.) With each year, if you behave, we’ll monitor you less.

4.) Learn English, pass courses in civics and American history, and behave yourself for fifteen years, and you can be a citizen. Monitoring ceases then, for you and you alone.

And it need not be just the United States. Other democratic western countries could adopt the same program. I’m thinking specifically of Australia, Canada, Brazil, Japan, and New Zealand. It must be a place where a network of Muslim support for the Intifada and Osama doesn’t already exist, or is rudimentary at best. That leaves out Indonesia, and it leaves out Europe as well. Europe is almost as poisonous a well of hatred for Israel as Saudi Arabia, and I’m including Britain, not because of the government or its policies, but because an angry, ghettoized Muslim population already exists there.

Obviously this is a rough draft of an idea, and there are thousands of details that would have to be worked out, and hundred of objections and roadblocks to overcome. But the path we are traveling down now doesn’t appear as if it will end well for us or for Israel, and most definitely not for the Palestinians. They must be shown another way, a Third Way, if I can steal a phrase from Mr. Blair, a way that does not have the genocide of either the Jews or themselves as its termination. Palestinians don’t know how to function in a democracy, because they have never lived in a democracy. They cannot conceive of liberty for others because they have no liberty of their own. They have no examples, so we must give them one. The first family to arrive can come to Durham, and they can be my neighbor. I’ll have to be a better American to be a good example, but I could stand to be a better American, and I have a daughter who might want to see Bethlehem one day.

Update: I've addressed a lot of the comments here.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




There's been a nasty OpenSSH hack. I got this from CERT in my mailbox this morning

Overview

The CERT/CC has received confirmation that some copies of the source
code for the OpenSSH package were modified by an intruder and contain
a Trojan horse.

We strongly encourage sites which employ, redistribute, or mirror the
OpenSSH package to immediately verify the integrity of their
distribution.

I. Description

The CERT/CC has received confirmation that some copies of the source
code for the OpenSSH package have been modified by an intruder and
contain a Trojan horse. The following advisory has been released by
the OpenSSH development team

http://www.openssh.com/txt/trojan.adv

The following files were modified to include the malicious code:

openssh-3.4p1.tar.gz
openssh-3.4.tgz
openssh-3.2.2p1.tar.gz

These files appear to have been placed on the FTP server which hosts
ftp.openssh.com and ftp.openbsd.org on the 30th or 31st of July, 2002.
The OpenSSH development team replaced the Trojan horse copies with the
original, uncompromised versions at 13:00 UTC, August 1st, 2002. The
Trojan horse copy of the source code was available long enough for
copies to propagate to sites that mirror the OpenSSH site.

The Trojan horse versions of OpenSSH contain malicious code that is
run when the software is compiled. This code connects to a fixed
remote server on 6667/tcp. It can then open a shell running as the
user who compiled OpenSSH.

II. Impact

An intruder operating from (or able to impersonate) the remote address
specified in the malicious code can gain unauthorized remote access to
any host which compiled a version of OpenSSH from this Trojan horse
version of the source code. The level of access would be that of the
user who compiled the source code.

The entire CERT advisory is here.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

8/01/2002





More readings from the New Perfect Manhood

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Part 6: The First Night of Marriage

waka chika waka chika, waka chika waka chika

The first sexual intercourse in marriage is called the consumation of marriage.

It's called consumation because you're supposed to eat her. No, no! Not like that, dumbass. Put the fork down!

The Greeks had a custom or law that marriage

Yes, those famous Greek marriages "A woman, her man, and his boy."

should not be consumated before the third night of marriage.

Make her beg for it.

Such a custom taught to men today would contribute much to the happiness of marriage and rob the divorce mills of many victims.

How, exactly? Were three day hard-ons considered a source of happiness? Did young men boast to their chums about them? "Yep, Clem, I ain't been able to pee for nigh on 64 hours now, and I've never been happier!"

In the past the only source of information open to a young man has been that of vicious and ignorant men.

Known to all and sundry by the damning sobriquet of "Father."

The information received from such sources is always misinformation and leads to serious mistakes.

"No! Not there either, William! For the last time, it's not anywhere near my elbow!"

The young man who has been so unfortunate as to have visited fallen women, accustomed to accommodating all classes of men,

He's visited fallen women and can accomodate all classes of men? No trouble getting a date on Saturday night, then.

has no intelligent knowledge of what it means to bring a virgin to the nuptial couch;

Couch? There's your first problem, right there. What's wrong with back of the nuptial limo? Oh, right. Three day waiting period. Like guns. God forbid you should have sex in the heat of passion. Might lead to pleasure, and pleasure leads questioning authority, and questioning authority leads to soixante-neuf on the sidewalks in broad daylight. I know. Horses everywhere fear me.

And a nuptial couch is kind of a specialized piece of furniture, isn't it? What do you do with it afterwards? Put it in the den and point it out to the houseguests? "And there, Mrs. Griffin, is where Johnathan made me a woman. If you look closely you can still see the stain."

Now, where were we? Oh. Make sure you seduce a virgin or two before you get married. After all, it's for your future wife's benefit.


neither has the young man who has been so fortunate as to have kept his virtue.

Yes, nearly all male virgins think of themselves as fortunate. As schoolboys, we used to pity to poor souls among us who had already been laid.

One is about as likely to make a serious mistake as the other.

"Not the knee either, William!"

You have heard or read more than once of some woman committing suicide the day after marriage,

Do you think it might be because you told her husband not to sleep with her?

or refusing to live with her husband and suing for divorce at the first court. You wondered at this. Well, there is a reason.

But first, an anecdote!

Only recently, while we were conducting a city-wide educational campaign, an estimable lady

She gave out estimates? Based on what? Size? Duration? Number in the group?

called us up over the ‘phone,

We are down with the street talk, Holmes. You got the 'cred, no d-bout about it

requesting an interview at the hotel parlor. The privilege was granted.

"You may kiss my ring, petitioner."

This was her story:

"Call me Ishmael..."

“I understand that you are to give your second lecture to men Sunday at the Armory.

Apparently the first lecture didn't take.

I hope to have my son-in-law there to hear you.

Because I'm an interfering old bat.

I want you to tell the men what men ought to know before they are married.

"Don't eat crackers in bed, put your own damn socks in the laundry, and 'Not tonight, dear' does not have a ten minute expiration date."

Our daughter has been married only fifteen days.

One for each year of her life.

She has just confided to me that she has not retired with her husband since the first night.

"Momma, he was nothing like Mr. Darcy! Or Heathcliff!"

Such was his treatment of her that since then she has cried herself to sleep each night in a rocking chair.”

"He insisted that I unclothe!"

At the close of a lecture to mature young college men

Oxymoron alert!

on what they should know before marriage,

What, controlling your bride through withholding sex? Aren't you kinda playing on the other side's turf, here?

one of the professors sought an interview with me.

Yes, yes, we realize you're popular.

He said “I wish that I could have heard your lecture before I was married. My education in these practical social matters was wholly neglected. Due alone to my ignorance, I lost the respect and love of my wife the first night after marriage;

Damn you, pink bunny outfit! Damn you to hell!

and, while we are living together and will continue to do so,

Misery. Company.

I have not be able to regain what I lost that night.”

You can't unscrew your virginity, mister

Where the first night of marriage is spent in the home of the bride, she is the first one to retire.

This gives her father time to get liquored up and talk about his "little girl", in a low monotone, all the while staring directly at you with his cold, cold eyes.

Later the bridegroom is conducted to her room.

By a nervous, fidgety mother, who keeps casting long, worried looks down the hall towards her husband, who is cleaning his toenails with the largest knife you have ever seen!

Before retiring he should assure her that he is a gentleman, and that he will treat her as a sweetheart, making no sexual demands of her that night.

Or ever, as long as HE is alive.

Where the first night is spent at a hotel or on the train,

Check the bar car. He's probably in there. If he's not there, check the other sleeping compartments several times an hour throughout the night. Your bride will appreciate your caution and consideration.

the bridegroom should excuse himself while the bride retires.

Check the bar car again, and give the luggage in the baggage compartment a good poking.

On returning to her, before he retires, he should give her the assurances mentioned above. The exercise of self-control, the courtesies and attentions of a true gentleman, and the expressions of ardent love

Such as the mystery object that keeps poking her in the thigh. "As God is my witness, Vivian, I haven't the slightest. Perhaps if you were move your leg rapidly about, it might go away."

will intensify the respect and deepen the love of the young wife for her husband a hundred fold.

Or confuse the hell out of her. Either way, you now have the upper hand. Get the dog collar and riding boots.

Next: Facts a Young Husband Should Know Aside from the crackers, the socks, and the ten minute thing.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Unique impact crater off the shores of Scotland.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

7/31/2002




The little black book of Superheroines

As BigWig notes, Meryl Yourish is rating Superhero dates. It got me thinking about which Superheroines I'm "drawn" too. (Get it? Drawn. Get it? They're cartoons. Get it? Hehe.) Here's my list of the top hotties of the comic world.

Marvel

She-Hulk. She's mean, she's green, and she'll kick your ass in a fight. But she reminds me a little bit of the Bride of Frankenstein. Still, she's kinda hot. 2 stars.

Sue Richards/The Invisible Woman. Used to be modeled on June Cleaver. Too straight laced and tends to put up barriers between herself and others and disappears when there's trouble. Sounds like she has some troubles with intimacy and communication. My advice: seek therapy to overcome these relationship killers. And she's married. But she's hot. 2 stars.

Ororo/Storm. You can say all of her relationships are fairly stormy and you should seek shelter when she loses her temper. Plus she's a little claustrophobic, indicating a need for her own personal space. Once again, not a good sign for a true intimate relationship. My personal opinion? She's steamy. 4 stars.

Jean Grey/Phoenix. Yowsa. I loooove me some redheads. She's telepathic? Great. She can read my mind? Good. She'll know what I like. Telepathy is a great communication tool and lends itself to close relationships. I wonder what good telekinesis might be? "Honey, can you get me a beer? The remote? HEY! That feels niiice." The ultimate Marvel hottie. We won't mention the little episode about Dark Phoenix. Turns out it wasn't her after all. 4 stars.

Electra. She's a bad girl who likes to play with knives. I think you could date her as long as you didn't have a bad breakup. If you had a really bad breakup, she seems like the type that would trash your apartment in revenge. Oh, or kill you. No thanks.

But she's hot. 2 stars. :)

Black Cat. I used to have the biggest crush on her when I was a younger man. She was bad. She was good. She was...nicely drawn. Had a thing for Spiderman, who I always felt was a little whiny. Oh...and she was into whips. You got a problem with that? Me neither. 4 stars.

The Scarlet Witch. Can I get a hell yeah?! 4 stars.

Rogue. Another woman with relationship issues. No touching? Are you kidding? I can't touch her and she's got a body like that? And that cute Cajun accent? I couldn't do it. I'd burst. Sorry, Rogue. No stars.

Psylocke. Another telepath. Another hottie. But no Jean Grey. 3 stars. Wait...wasn't she British? 'Cause I love a British accent on a woman. If she is...4 stars.

The White Queen. She runs around in a corset, which is a huge plus in my book, but I'm guessing she's a control freak and doesn't play well with others. Plus, she's totally evil. I suspect she has latent homosexual tendancies. I'm not sure if that's a plus in my book or not. Let's give her 2 stars just to play it safe.

Who am I leaving out? Kitty from X-men? Too ephemeral, but wears tight pants. I must be getting old, because she seems a little young for me. 2 stars. Ilyana Rasputin/Magik or whatever her name was? Um...may be the anti-Christ, the child of Satan and her bottom half is that of a goat. Um, no. No stars for you. Polaris? Never a real star in the Marvel world. Has green hair, which is a little too Goth for me. Probably at least as handy as Phoenix at fetching Beers from the fridge with her powers over magnetism. 3 stars. I have to admit that I haven't read comics lately, so I don't know if there are any good new heroines/villanesses out there in the Marvel world.

DC Comics

Wonder Woman comes to mind first, of course. Where to begin. Okay...she comes from an Island where there are no men allowed. Can you say Lesbian tendancies? Sure you can. But she dated Superman, so she can't be totally homosexual. She also has a thing about tying people up and making them tell the truth. Fine. But she dated Superman. I can only imagine the performance anxiety issues that might cause. A decidedly mixed bag. But she's Wonder Woman. Linda Carter as Wonder Woman was my first crush. 3 stars.

Supergirl/woman. Which is it already? Has she moved beyond that childish Supergirl phase into Superwomanhood? If she has and is ready for an adult relationship, then I'll think about asking her out. But not before that. I swear. She may be stronger than me, but I know her weakness. It might work. 3 stars. I'm such a liar. Supergirl is hot. 4 stars.

Batgirl. Long red hair. Tight black clothes. Lots of miniture toys in her belt. And she's a LIBRARIAN. (Swoon.) Okay, you talked me into it. 4 stars.

Catwoman. Long red hair. Tight black clothes. Purrs when she's happy. She's oh so bad, but oh so good. We'll over look her tendancy to pilfer small objects from around the house. 4 stars.

Poison Ivy. Long red hair. Fig Leaf clothing. She's hypnotic, but her kiss is deadly. Sorry PI. No deadly kissing for me, even though you're blazing. No stars.

Harlequin. Cute as a button, but is in love with a homocidal clown. Women like that always tend to be sucked into abusive relationships because of a lack of self-confidence. Sure, women in abusive relationships are victims, but at some point you have to be brave enough to stop being a victim and leave. I know that there are plenty of guys out there that will disagree with me, but I'm only giving her 2 stars.

Random Comic Women

I don't know who publishes these:

Lady Death. Wears next to nothing and is absolutely stunning. But that nickname gives me pause. "What did you say your name was? Lady what? Lady Death? As in Lady "No-Longer-Living" Death? Um...nice to meet you, but I think I left the oven on. See ya!" Maybe a one night stand though? Oh so tempting. 2 stars.

Vampirella. See Lady Death above. "And you're a vampire!? I bet you lead an interesting life. I always say to my girlfriends you know, Vampires are such iiinnteresting people. By the way, do you like Italian food? I loove Italian food. Especially garlic bread. Loove me some garlic bread." 2 stars.

Omaha: Cat Dancer. She has all the right moves...but she's a cat. But she's a cartoon cat. Bet she still vomits hairballs all over the house. Can't see it. No stars. Okay...maybe just ONE star. But that don't mean I like animals. Perverts.

Note to Meryl

The Human Torch? Sorry, sweetheart, but you don't stand a chance. "FLAME ON! Oh dear, those shoes don't match that outfit AT ALL!"

Update: Apparently Meryl has more notes on Superhero dating today.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Blogger is losing archived posts. Several of the "Best Hraka Around" over on the right have just disappeared. I've republished the archives every time I notice another one gone, and it never works. I've sent notice after notice to them, and I've never gotten one response. Bastards.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




More Palestinians celebrating the death of innocents.

I don't recall seeing pictures of Israelis celebrating the death of innocents when Salah Shahada was killed. You never do when something like that happens. I was on vacation when it happened, but my basic response was.

1. Never throw shit at an armed man.
2. Never stand next to someone who is throwing shit at an armed man.
3. Don't live in a building with someone who is throwing shit at an armed man.

Now I have another;
4. If you support people who pay people to throw shit at an armed man, you might as well be throwing the shit yourself.
And
5. Don't come running to my ass for sympathy after the armed man razes your house.

Thanks to Niven for the use of his laws.

Jerusalem is one of the few places left where Palestinians are mixed in with the Israeli population. If Jerusalem is having a problem with Islamikazes, and they are, then it's time to drive them out of Jerusalem.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Sept. 11 Fake ID Suspect Flees U.S.

A modified elephant joke.

What did the FBI do when an elephant walked into their headquarters?
Nothing, they didn't notice.

Bonus points to whomever points out the original joke.

According to NPR, he was interviewed by the FBI on May 23rd, when he admitted selling fake ID papers to one of the september hijackers.

Question for the FBI: WHY WAS THIS MOTHERFUCKER WALKING AROUND FREE? WERE YOU TOO GODDAMN BUSY COVERING YOUR WORTHLESS ASSES TO ACTUALLY ARREST SOMEONE WHO AIDED AND ABETTED THE MURDER OF 3000 PEOPLE?

Ahem. Excuse me. I grant that there is the possiblily that you are following him in hopes that he will lead you to bigger fish, but I don't believe it. Nothing the FBI has done gives me any faith in the department. We'd be better served shutting the whole damn thing down and starting over. John "Koba" Ashcroft's would rather pay people to spy on their neighbors, rather than firing inept agents when they screw up. How many bureaucrats have lost their jobs due to September 11th, John? What a miracle, 3000 people died and not one person was at fault.

You know what? I'm tired of giving this government the benefit of the doubt. I cannot stomach the fact that they are this damn inept. Every time they blow something like this they just give more credence to the French Guy.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Meryl has a post up about dating superheroes. Superman gets two stars. I'd give him less, if only because of Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.





Why doesn’t ______ have a blog?


Politicians are constantly trying to get a message out. To do that, they’re beholden to the mainstream media, which they pretty much hate. It distorts their positions and mis-quotes them when not actively attacking them. You can be a media darling for a little while, but it never lasts. There are other ways to reach out. You could clog up mailboxes with your franking privilege, but that probably pisses more people off than it informs. I get enough junk mail, I don’t need snail mail spam from Mike Easley, not that he sends me much. Thanks Mike. There’s also a good argument to be made that the overwhelming political cynicism of the current age is due to the media and its stranglehold on political culture. So politicians are stuck on the back of the media tiger, and it doesn’t look like many are trying to get off.

There are political blogs. There’s lots of them. Practically all the news there is about blogging is driven by stories about political blogs.

But why aren’t there any politicians blogs? Well, there are, or rather, there is. One.

At least it's the only one that I found, after a rather lengthy search. If you know of more, let me know, and I’ll add them here.

Bill Wood's Weblog

He’s only been around since May 13th. Of course, that’s a full seven days longer that we’ve been around, so I’m not casting any stones. It could use some more regular attention, though, Bill.

I think there are a number of advantages to a politician having his or her own blog, as long its updated daily, and as long they post personally.

1.) You can change your position on an issue, and you can point towards “the excellent arguments of the readers on my blog” as a reason. As it stands now, all one hears when a politico changes his stance is screams of “flip-flop” from the other side. Now you have a clear example of the evolution in your thinking for all to see. You won’t get that from television. Stating that time and again will also drive traffic to your blog, traffic that will see your words and your thoughts without them being filtered by the media for probably the first time ever.

How many of you out there would feel a little more warmly about John McCain if he pointed to words you wrote on his blog when discussing how he changed his position on campaign finance reform? Or if Al Gore quoted an argument you used when discussing his new-found distrust of the Kyoto protocols?

2.) Also for the first time, you’d begin to be perceived as a real person. I don’t know about you, but the only major politician I’m prepared to believe was not manufactured by the Stepford corporation is David Price, because he talked to me about books for five minutes one day when I was clerking at B&N. I’ll vote for him, forever. I’d add Terry Sanford to the list to, for the same reasons except he’s dead. And it was for fifteen minutes, over coffee, and he signed a book for my dad. A blog allows you to do the same thing Terry and David did to me, to thousands of people at a time. Posts don’t have to be about your campaign, they can be about anything, and the farther they deviate from whatever the message of the day is, the more likely it will be that people will begin to perceive you as an actual human, rather than a demon in a coat and tie. And you can bet your last dollar that it will be thousands of people at a time, because there isn’t a warblogger around that couldn’t resist linking to damn near everyone of your posts. They’ll probably even link to your message of the day.

3.) You’ll get a lot of media coverage because of the blog. The media is fascinated by them. Blogging may be a fad, and it may die out by 2004. But if it doesn’t it will be absolutely huge, and you’ll have started back in the days of its relative infancy. Which means;

4.) You’ll be seen as the “tech” candidate. Gore may have gotten a lot of grief from the “invented the internet” thing, but one of the best positives he had was his identification with technology and the internet. It’s always nice to look like you can see the future. Besides, more and more people surf the Internet, and a great deal of them depend on it for their jobs. The simple act of putting up a personal site on the web allows them to identify with you. It’s easily more populist than owning a baseball team, or an energy company. The latest numbers show 167 million people are on the web in the US. That’s 63 million more people than voted in the last election. We could reach 200 or 250 million by 2004. Start now, and they’ll respect you then. Start then, and you’ll be a Johnnie come lately.

5.) You can blow off journalists. When Helen Thomas asks you the same damn question she asked yesterday, and the day before that, you can tell her you answered that on your blog, and doesn’t she have any new questions? Forcing journalists to focus away from the scandal of the day allows you to weather them a lot easier, I’d imagine. Best make sure you actually have answered it on your blog, or Helen will look like a pussycat. We notice things like that.

I’ll make a prediction, since after all, I am so good at them. The next president will be the first candidate to start a blog and update it daily. That’ll likely be John McCain, or a Democrat. There’s nothing stopping George Bush, but blogging is a tool used by people who are Internet savvy. George is a CEO, and CEO’s, for the most part, can barely handle email and Powerpoint. You think George knows Powerpoint? You think George even knows what Google is? I’d be happy to be wrong, but nothing I have ever read or heard suggests to me that George Bush surfs the web. Umm, if you happen to be reading this, Mr. President, I’m pretty sure that’s Ari Fleischer’s fault. On the plus side if nobody starts a blog, I’m predicting you’ll be re-elected.

Also if any of the major prospective candidates start a blog anytime soon, you can bet they’ve decided to run for office.

Of course, the blogs will need names. Here’s a few suggestions.

Al Gore – Inventor of the Blog – Self deprecating humor always plays well with the electorate. Remember his Macarena?

John McCain - The Straight Blog – reminds people of the straight talk express, back in the day. Also sounds like the Straight Dope, which carries overtones of “The buck stops here” or for the particularly geeky, a man who knows everything.

Dick Gephardt – High Brow Blog – plays off the popular culture portrayal of him as a man with no eyebrows.

John Edwards – Mr. Edwards goes to Washington – Reminds people that he’s new to Washington, so he can still carry a whiff of outsider. And it never hurts to identify yourself with Jimmy Stewart, who played a number of crusaders. If you’re going to be a lawyer, it’s best to be a crusading lawyer.

Tom Harken – Corn Blog.

Joe Lieberman….John Kerry…. I don’t know. Any suggestions?

I’m not going to pretend that politicians are going to post to a blog without it being proof-read and scanned for bombs by, at the very least, an English teacher and campaign staffers. But, Mr. Candidate, if you treat it as your blog, rather than your campaign’s blog, it will pay great dividends. Also, you’d probably need someone familiar with the blogosphere to um…facilitate things. Hello?......Hello?


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




The President of Turdistan addesses the Parliament.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




First it was the Snakehead. Now it's mitten crabs.

Totally unrelated observation; If you don't want mitten crabs, quit having sex with infected mittens!

Thanks, I'll be here all week. Try the pate.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Gary Winnick, the Global Crossing CEO, made 57 million dollars for every billion dollars in value his company lost. That's $102, 071 for every worker that lost their job with Global Crossing.

Ken Lay is a poseur. He only made 13 million for every billion Enron lost. Only $44854 for every worker laid off. I still bet they'd like to see it.

The Financial Times has the charts, as part of their "Capitalism in Crisis"


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




What do Bill Buckner, Pete Rose and Ann Coulter have in common? Well, nothing.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Scientists find new form of matter!
Bush administration ends their financing.
But they can spend $190 billion to pay farmers to grow nothing.

So there's matter, antimatter, and unfunded matter. Let's call it.....whatsamatter.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Australia, again. Everything happens in Australia, nowdays. There's a huge discovery of incredibly well-preserved megafauna fossils, including giant wombats, giant kangaroos, a previously unknown horned kangaroo, and a number of marsupial lion skeletons, from which DNA has been extracted.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

7/30/2002




Australian vs. American Science

Fear not, BigWig. Australians may have launched the first scramjet, pushing ahead of NASA for now. If Boeing is successful with their latest research project, the scramjet may just become obsolete.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Orson Scott Card Watch

Hiya. I've decided to link to Orson Scott Card's weekly column on a weekly basis...or more frequently if the mood strikes me. If you are a Card fan, you should read it. It is much like a blog. He writes about anything and everything. This week's column concerns car problems, trips to the Southwestern United States and Adam Sandler movies.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Fatty-Fatty Two-by-four, can go back to work no more.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Wesley Crusher's 30. And he's kind of cool. Dammit.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




In the days of yore, when I was in college pursuing my anth/engl major, I wanted to take a class on flintnapping. Never found one, so my dreams of my own handmade obsidian points were in vain. No longer. Blog takes up a lot of time, though. I could just buy one, but that would just reward the looters.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




31.25 %

My weblog owns 31.25 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Silflay Hraka, #20 on the Yahoo search list for arabian male masturbating technique.

Let's see if that moves us up a notch or two.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




What to give her when you really, really don't want to make up.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




I thought of you, Meryl. Now pictures and, oh I don't know, smells can be interpreted many ways, and if any of those ways makes you sad or angry, we meant another one.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Flowers in the Attic...er, zoo.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




John Paul: How would you like to make a dollar Billy?
Zafrina: My name's not Billy, Most Holy, it's Zafrina.
John Paul: Damn it Billy, do you want a dollar or don't ya?
Zafrina: Sure.
John Paul: Ok. You just have to do one thing for me.
Zafrina: I'm not gonna kill you Most Holy.
John Paul: Why not?
Zafrina: Cause, I'll get in trouble.
John Paul: I killed my pope when I was your age.
Zafrina: Leave me alone Most Holy.
John Paul: What has South America's youth come to? Kids won't even kill their own pope!


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Jesus Book Banned in Class

A Massachusetts teacher who asked her pupils to bring a book to class about their Christmas traditions violated a student's rights when she stopped her from reading a passage on the birth of Jesus Christ because it was religious.

Dumbass. What did she think she was going to get? Not to mention that it doesn't break the church/state boundary if the little girl reads it, only if the teacher does, and maybe not then.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Verily, I say unto you brethren, a vision of the Blessed Virgin did appear before me. She was surrounded by a clear light, and smelled of cardamon and spices. And verily brethren, she did command me to fuck you up.

Or, as our Lord would put it, "Mamma said knock you out."


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Chinese bears beg for cola relief

Apparently they only beg from tourists. Maybe they've heard "Me Chinese, me play joke" one too many times


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Is it just me, or are Australian scientists kicking our ass more and more recently?


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

7/29/2002




Colorfully-See-Through-Head also has a nose for the blogs. And a nice pair of...umm...wings.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




If suicide bombers can now give you hepatitis, how long before Hamas and the Martyrs Brigades start infecting them with other blood borne diseases before sending them out? Given the discovery, and the obvious lag time for the bomber to build up a sufficient virus load, how could you be sure that they are not doing it already? I've listed a few bloodborne pathogens below. There are many, many more.

Blood borne diseases

Aids

Smallpox

Hepatitis A, B & C

Syphilis

Creutzfeldt-Jakob and Mad Cow Disease

Kuru

Meningitis

Bacterial endocarditis

Ebola

Marburg

Rabies

Encephalitis

Lassa Fever


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




Chirac finds out it's been a week since France last surrendered


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

7/28/2002




Saudi Arabia is teetering on the brink of collapse.

Letting a faction allied with Al-Qaeda take over the government that controls the access to Mecca is a truly excellent way to force moderate muslims to take sides. It'll also knock Europe and Japan off the fence, since the chaos of a Saudi civil war will put a real crimp in their oil supplies. They'll beg us to restore order, since they don't possess the means to do so. And we can waltz in nice and and easy, using the troops we've put in place for ostensible use against Saddam. Letting your enemy take our their main source of support is jujitsu of the highest order. Do I think this administration is smart enough to do that? Hell no. They might be smart enough to take advantage of it, though.

Link via the Oceanguy


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




There's a Ziggy 9/11 memorial poster. "suitable for framing."

If not buying this means the terrorists have won......Fuck it, they can have this round.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.




This is what happens when you sing "Lollipop Guild" off-tempo and in the wrong key


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.





Ch-ching!


Thanks to whomever gave us $2.50 this morning. It’ll go towards the Beach house. Once we get it, everyone is invited. Only $400K to go.

It also gave birth to the Money Dance. Its got a conga line beat, and a chant that goes

“Somebody gave me mo-NEY! Somebody gave me mo-NEY!”
“Somebody gave me mo-NEY! Somebody gave me mo-NEY!”

The basic money dance move is a spastic version of the Twist. I performed it shirtless. It was singularly unattractive, especially since the gym shorts I had on when I got up this morning were a tad large, and prone to slippage. I also had bed head. Yes, the first thing I do in the morning is check the blog. What do you do?

So, as I said, unattractive. Unless you happen to be a toddler, then it’s irresistible. Ngnat had been sitting at her table in the corner, intent on ruining her Miss Weather Color-forms, until she saw the magic that is the money dance.

Since in her life all things must be done correctly, she insisted I remove her pajama top before she joined in, staggering about the room like a two-foot, half-naked drunk.

“Sommama gay me mah-NEE! Sommama gay me mah-NEE!”
“Sommama gay me mah-NEE! Sommama gay me mah-NEE!”

Stop. Yank at pajama bottoms. After all, that’s what dad was doing.

A few seconds of this were enough attract outside attention, and the sainted wife and mother viewed us from the door rather bemusedly until we reached the stop and yank portion of the presentation.

“What are you doing?”

“The Money dance!”

“Mahnee Nance!”, echoed from the floor.

“And why are you doing the Money Dance?”

“Somebody tipped the blog! Somebody gave me mon-NEY! Somebody gave me mon-NEY!”

“Sommama gay me mah-NEE! Daddy…Stop!” Ngnat had observed a flaw in the proceedings. There were three people present, yet only two were doing the money dance. She waved a finger in her mother’s direction.

“Mommy, take off shirt!”

“Yea! Mommy take off shirt! Mommy take off shi-RT! Mommy take off shi-RT! I’ll give you some mo-NEY! I’ll give you some mo-NEY!”

Ngnat liked the new dance. “I gib you so-MOMMY! I gib you so-MOMMY!”

And so Mommy took off shirt!



Well, no. Mommy did not take off shirt. I put that in there to make her family gasp in horror. While Ngnat and daddy were very amusing, we were not at all convincing. You’re more likely to see Margaret Thatcher prancing around with her boobs in the wind. Momma was not about to descend to our animal level.

At least, not for $2.50.


Postscript: First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself. Also, you're currently at the old site. Fresh Hraka is posted every day at our current location.

Home