Posted 11/23/2002 02:10:00 PM by Sid link


Somebody Call Guiness

I didn't realize that Bebe Neuwirth had warts. But apparently she has a bigger wart problem than anyone realized.

Posted 11/23/2002 01:27:00 PM by Sid link


Grunt. Scratch.

The Spark Gender Test is 93% sure that I'm a man, though I still don't see why it asked me if my keyboard ever got sticky.

Link via the Public Nuisance

Posted 11/23/2002 01:04:00 PM by Sid link


Take the National Geographic Global Literacy Quiz

Chris and I scored 20 out of 20, and you should too. I'd say 17 out of 20 is acceptable, but only if you get Sweden and Norway confused a lot.

Posted 11/23/2002 12:53:00 PM by Sid link


CDC Music Factory

He's got rhythm, He's got music. It's about hurl.
Who could ask for anything more?

Posted 11/23/2002 11:02:00 AM by Sid link


The Hills are alive, with the sounds of methane.
Zod: Ah-ah-ah-ah

Posted 11/23/2002 10:51:00 AM by Sid link


Flash: Breaking News!!
Newly Popular Chicken-hawk Term Used In Correct Context For First Time In Months

Thanks to the all Michael Jackson, all the time Internet.

Posted 11/23/2002 10:37:00 AM by Sid link


Nice

"Faster than a French border guard with track shoes and a coupon for cigarettes"

Posted 11/23/2002 10:34:00 AM by Sid link


The Truth Is Out There

Finally, an explanation for Michael Jackson's bizarre Berlin balcony baby behavior.

Posted 11/23/2002 09:20:00 AM by Sid link


How Low Can You Go?

Tim Hall, our friend of Hraka at Where Worlds Collide, takes me to task for my update of Mencken immediately below.

Bigwig, I hope you're just venting spleen, and don't really believe all that crap you wrote. Because if you do, you've lowered yourself to their level.

My first impression "I dunno. I can't recall the last time I killed someone, or blew up a schoolbus." I think I've got a ways to go before I reach those depths, though to be honest I think Tim is talking more about my level of discourse than my level of activity. I got much the same reaction from others last time I addressed Catholicism.

What can I say, I'm an equal opportunity offender. Give me time, and I'll eventually produce something of the same level of vitriol for the Mormons and Scientologists, I expect. I think everyone else is safe, for the moment.

Back to the post. Most of it was spleen, yes. I was pretty splenetic all day yesterday.

But a great number of the "A Muslim is " epigrams are based on news reports, such as the Taliban punishment for homosexuality (pushing a wall down atop the accused). And the fact is that "moderate" Muslims prefer to point the finger of blame outside of their religion rather than address the hijacking of it by the radicals. There's a nugget of truth in all of them, that's why they sting.

The original "A puritan is" has been criticized multiple times through the years for bias, as well as the fact that it falls short of the absolute truth. Lots of Puritans had fun, but the image sent down to history was not Cotton Mather romping naked in bed, but Cotton Mather glowering in dour disapproval. The updates should contain the exact same bias and lack of absolute truth. But they do contain enough truth to sting, and enough truth that unless change comes from within Islam, that will be the image sent down to history, and one of the epigrams below, or one like it, will be their legacy.

It will be their legacy because winners write the history, and there's no question that the West will win this war eventually. The West will kill thousands of Muslims over the course of it, because thousands of Muslims have set themselves up as enemies of the West. As long as Muslims oppose the West through violence, Muslims will die from the violence the West uses to defend itself.

Posted 11/22/2002 07:44:00 PM by Sid link


Updating Mencken

"A Puritan is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, someone might be having a good time." --Henry Louis Mencken

Not that we don't have Puritans today, but they've been marginalized, at least for a while. As the Miss World riots in Nigeria have shown, they've also been surpassed. So let's update the quote.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, a woman might be the equal of a man.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, his wife might speak to the postman.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, someone might be looking at breasts.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that those breasts might be his wife's, so he goes home and beats her on general principles.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, a man might be kissing another man.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, a little girl might be trying to escape a fire without putting her hijab first.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, a Jew might not be living in fear.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, a girl might have a clitoris.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, someone might be having a good time, who is not a Muslim.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, someone might be writing what they pleased.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, someone might be reading what they pleased.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, someone might be thinking as they pleased.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, a woman might be on top.

A Muslim is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, someone might not be using their Semtex to kill Jewish toddlers.

Well, let's see. That took all of....4 minutes. Feel free to send us yours, I'll post them as they come in.

And for those Muslims who feel that the above statements are vicious, untrue slander, two words.

Fuck you.

You've kept silent in the face of evil, and let your religion be defined by rock-throwing Nigerians, a Taliban that shot women in the back of the head for teaching their daughters to read, men who think Allah wants them to blow up babies on buses and dancers in discos, by the Wahabists who bankroll Al-Qaeda and by Iranian clerics who sentence war veterans to death for questioning their rule.

You can whine about the crusades as much as you want, but the fact is when people think of Christianity, they don't think about suicide bombers and terrorists.

You can whine about the Occupation as much as you want, but the fact is when people think of Judaism, they don't think about suicide bombers and terrorists.

You can whine about Kashmir as much as you want, but the fact is when people think of Hinduism, they don't think about suicide bombers and terrorists.

When people think of Islam, they think about suicide bombers and terrorists. They think about death. Islam isn't the Religion of Peace, it's the religion of Rest in Peace.

And unless you speak up, loudly, and often, unless you risk your life in defense of your religion against those who have made it the Religion of Death, then your brothers in the Ummah will die.

Because we're going to kill them.

Posted 11/22/2002 06:03:00 PM by Sid link


You don't need a weather man
To know which way the wind blows

Apparently today is to be FCC day here at Hraka. After receiving 300 protest emails about the Victoria's Secret television show, an FCC commissioner, Michael Copps has called for a review of the FCC's Indecency Standard.

All it took to roll an FCC commissioner was 300 emails of protest? Good God, what a puss. If you'd like to send an e-mail of your own to this windvane of the Internet, you can do so here. Here's what I sent him.

I would prefer that you leave the Indecency Standard alone. In any case, in future please try to avoid calling for a major change in policy every time you get an e-mail from a moral puritan.

Second, there's someone in Washington who actually reads e-mail? That's refreshing in and of itself, except I get the feeling that Mr. Copps decided to do this and then went to see how many e-mails he already had in support of his position.

Posted 11/22/2002 02:41:00 PM by Sid link


I Wonder What Harry Belafonte Thinks of You

In his editorial today, Paul Krugman points out a few relatives of Bush Administration bigwigs who just happened to land cushy government jobs.

Talk to Elizabeth Cheney, who holds a specially created State Department job, or her husband, chief counsel of the Office of Management and Budget. Interview Eugene Scalia, the top lawyer at the Labor Department, and Janet Rehnquist, inspector general at the Department of Health and Human Services.

I don't know who to be madder at, George Bush, for the most egregious display of a spoils system since JFK, or Krugman, for leaving out Michael Powell, the head of the FCC and the man most responsible for the unending load of crap polluting the radio spectrum nowadays.

Christ, Paul, he's the son of the Secretary of State. Surely you've heard of his dad? William Safire, of all people, implied that Michael is little more than a corporate slut.

"With the roundheeled Michael Powell steering the Federal Communications Commission toward terminal fecklessness..."

Paul, don't you and Billy ever talk? This is your meat and potatoes, man! Not that there isn't an explanation for your puzzling omission, though it's one that might surprise you.

Here's a clue;

Elizabeth Cheney - White
Janet Rehnquist - White
Eugene Scalia - White
Michael Powell - Black

Mr. Krugman, you're a racist, plain and simple. Given the thrust of your column, there is no excuse for leaving out Mike Powell other than the color of his skin.

Speaking of Mike, I've got something to say to him, as well.

Are you a clueless idiot? Do you really think that it's just coincidence that the minute the top spot in the FCC opened up, the son of the Secretary of State just happened to be the most qualified man for the job?

Bullshit. Your daddy got you that job, Michael, and the one before that. Same with Liz and Jane and Eugene and thier daddies.

Ya'll say hello to Henry Fitzroy. Don't know him?

He was the illegitimate son of Henry VIII. Never had a thing in his life that wasn't due to who his daddy was, and he died a member of the ruling elite. Sound familiar?

You all occupy the same stratum as the feckless bastard of a medieval king. Is it nice there? Enjoy it while you can, and remember, we got rid of the aristocracy once before. We might do it again.

What's it like, Mike, being coddled by the Left because of your color and by the Right because of your Daddy? Nice work if you can get it, I suppose. Not that you would enjoy such an enviable position if you had been anyone else's son. I gotta hand it to you, though.

It's a much better class of welfare than what the rest of Black America gets.

Posted 11/22/2002 02:40:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Where Were You?

For a previous generation, the question of, “Where were you?” can be easily answered when referring to today’s date. For millions, November 22, 1963 will always be remembered as the day that President Kennedy was killed in Dallas. People remember exactly where they were and who gave them the message.

There are so few days in our lives that we can remember so clearly, that we know for the rest of our lives that date will always recognize something. Perhaps for this generation it will be September 11, 2001 (let’s hope there isn’t another similar day). Few things have such an impact as to be immediately etched into our permanent memory banks, but there are some.

For some it is the birth of children or the loss of an important relative. I remember exactly where I was in 1986 when the Challenger exploded. At that time the shuttle was still new enough that the liftoffs were carried live on television and I watched the liftoff and explosion as it occurred while skipping class in my college dorm room. As each year passes perhaps the memories fade a little bit and while we get the major events straight, our recollections of the details become fuzzy and eventually lost. Perhaps that is our way of protecting ourselves. Either way, here is a brief list of events that occurred that may cause people to remember where they were and what they were doing, not for all, but some (and not all for this generation. In random order:

1. O.J. “fleeing” at 20 mph in the white bronco.
2. The Berlin wall being torn down
3. Magic Johnson announcing he had HIV
4. The O.J. verdict
5. When Princess Diana died
6. December 7, 1941
7. Man walking on moon
8. Cuban missile crisis
9. Olympic killings

Obviously some are not of such great historical significance, but weaved with pop culture enough that people paid attention. Please add to my list. I am heading somewhere and didn’t give this list the time I would have liked.

Posted 11/22/2002 12:06:00 PM by Sid link


Brains!

I'm tired of the wide open Internet, I want an filter. Not for my kid, for me. I want a filter that will excise any mention and all pictures of Michael Jackson from every site I surf, but most especially the new sites. Every damn day I open up Yahoo news, and every damn day there's 80 or 90 new pictures of this hideous walking corpse. Holocaust photos are more appetizing to look at.

Why can't he just follow Howard Hughes' example and go be freakishly insane behind closed doors? You could go years at a time without having to read about Hughes. Then he dies, and there was a fight over his will, and that was it. No more Howard Hughes. But Michael, apparently under the impression that some iota of the public yearns for the light of his presence, keeps popping up every other day like caffeinated slime mold. Please, dear God, would someone in that Entourage of Insanity please tell him that whatever fascination the public has for him is the same sick perversion that makes people pay a dollar to see the freakshow? Tell him that the reason people flock to see him in public is identical to the impulse that makes everyone slow down to look in the bodies in the road after a traffic accident.

Tell him "Michael, people look at you for the same reason they look at intestines on the asphalt. Now please, for the sake of your children if not for yourself, stay the hell out of the public's eye."

Yes, he'll probably fire you, or maybe not. Who knows what frail thing passes for reason inside that ploughed and troweled skull? If he does, you've got a book out it, and at least a million dollar advance from one of the whores that call themselves book publishers nowadays. I'll buy a copy, I promise. I won't read it, but I'll buy one. I'll also start a collection to provide for your old age. I'll start with a dollar.

Now, who else is willing to pay a dollar to get someone to tell Mike to go away forever, and darken our monitors nevermore?

C'mon, people, pony up.

Posted 11/22/2002 11:23:00 AM by Katie Bug link


Importance of Beauty Contests

Now the rest of the world will finally understand what beauty contestants have been telling us for years, these competitions really are about life and death!!! The report says that angry mobs burned churches, and harmed bystanders by stabbing and burning them to death. This winner of this year's talent competition may just demonstrate how to stop, drop and roll.

Posted 11/22/2002 11:08:00 AM by Sid link


Six Degrees

Another friend from my halcyon days at net32.com has joined the blogosphere. I would tell you to give a shout-out to Chris at reeveslog, if typing "shout-out" didn't give me the heebie-jeebies of inappropriateness. Sadly, saying "Ya'll go drop by and set a spell." seems far more natural to my ear.

Zod: Remember that time you tried to rap?
Shut up, I was drunk.
Zod: No, that was the time you tried to karaoke Run-Dmc's "Walk this Way." with the guy who married that girl with the boobs.
That wasn't my fault! He had no rhythm, it threw me off.
Zod: That's rich. White bread has more soul than you do.

Posted 11/21/2002 08:10:00 PM by Sid link


Stupidity doesn't deserve money

For a couple of years, Ucomics.com has been e-mailing cartoons to me, strips like Doonesbury, The Boondocks and Tank McNamara, as well as political cartoons; Tom Toles, Oliphant, and Ted "Beloved of the Blogosphere" Rall. The emails came loaded with ads, but it was mostly worth the trouble.

Then, last week, Ucomics suspended e-mail delivery of comics in favor of an idiotic scheme called My Comics Page, wherein I pay them to e-mail me the same comics they used to send me for free, the same comics that are still available for free on their website, as the links above show.

I suppose there might be some advantage to me if I used IE to browse with, as it normally takes a Ucomics page longer to load than it does to read, but since Opera can open up all the sites I want to read at once, even that pale incentive fades. The whole "My comics page" marketing assumes that the targets of the campaign aren't Internet-savvy. I don't know about you, but to me that's insulting, and people who insult me don't get my money.

I don't think I would mind paying for the comics--I've given money to online webcomics, Kevin & Kell and PVP, among others, but whomever is behind this scheme smells, and acts, like a big media Internet idiot, and they don't get squat from me other than a upraised digit.

As a matter of fact, it appears that Ucomics is composed of a bigger bunch of clueless idiots that I realized. Take a look at today's Stone Soup. Note that

A.) The page is full of annoying ads and graphics
and
B.) The cheap bastards at Ucomics only offer a 30 day archive of strips.

It's possible to read the strip without wading through all the extra bothersome crap on the page. It's also possible to read back further than 30 days. Here's the strip from August 21st of this year. Here's the strip from August 21st of 2001. Here's one from August 21st of 1998. Hell, here's the first one.

All you have to do is change the date in the url, and you can read all the strips you please.

Any half-decent programmer can whip up a script that will do exactly what their pay-per-view "My Comics Page" promises to do in 15 minutes, with time left over for a Coke. Hell, I can do it in thirty. In fact, I think I will.

Posted 11/21/2002 02:50:00 PM by Sid link


Indistinguishable from Magic

I just told my boss that I have to work from home tomorrow, as the frozen Turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken stuffed with sausage that I ordered over the Internet is arriving via Fed Ex next day delivery.

And he didn't bat an eye.

We live in age of miracles. I tell a magic box that I would like various rare and dainty meats, and lo! Within a day they are brought to my house. What's more, the delivery of said meats is treated as a perfectly good excuse for not showing up at my place of business by my immediate superior.

Once upon a time, miracles were the province of God, or gods if you prefer. Now they are the province of man. We've reached up, touched the face of God, and said "Anything you can do, we can do better." Increasingly the people of the West no longer look to the divine order to order their lives, because the divine order doesn't compete real well in an open market. Who has saved the most children in the past 50 years, God or Dr. Salk? Who do you think is going to grow the most corn, God or Monsanto? I'll leave the question of which corn you'd rather eat to another day.

The more we encroach on the areas that were once the province of the divine, the further into the background the godbotherers of the west have had to push him. Once upon a time, for most of us, JESUS! would have healed the child. Now he does so through the medium of Dr. Salk, whom he must have inspired. What was once direct and observable becomes indirect, theoretical and unobservable.

Let's take a little test. A stranger walks up to you on the street, and says that God speaks to him. Is he

A.) A prophet?
B.) A nut?

We don't expect God to tell us what to do, not really. If you did hear a bodiless voice demanding that you fall down and worship him, would you see a minister, or a psychiatrist?

We live in an age of miracles, and the more common the miracles are the more people there are that hate and fear them. Had we lived in any other place than the West, or at any other time in human history other than the last few hundreds years, we would have been declared apostate, and burned. It's no wonder Osama and his barbarians hate and fear us. Our entire civilization is a rebuke to the Islamic patriarchy, and a slap in the face of Allah. Jerry Falwell's Christianity is a close cousin to it. That's the real reason fundamentalists burn Harry Potter and decry Victoria's Secret. The fundie Jesus, and the Allah of the Taliban, are such mental pussies that they cannot compete with even the ephemera produced by the West. If their religions were vehicles, then Jerry would be driving a Trabant and Osama would be riding a camel and burning wheels. Their theologies are small and brittle things, and cannot withstand the impact of the West. Authoritarian religions can only exist in a closed market, and the what the West does better than anything else is create open markets, not only in goods, but ideas. The only defense possible to them is to shut out the West, to convince anyone with half an ear listening to them that for Western humanism, "Do what thou wilt" is the whole of the law.

Whether they actually believe it or not, in order to compete Jerry, Pat, and Osama have to convince their followers that no only is there no moral standard in Western humanism, but that no moral standard is possible without reference to a god. To do this they pick and choose examples that illustrate this lack of morality, examples which almost deal with sexual freedom, freedom of expression or the equality of women. God help the poor lesbian who decides to write a novel featuring Jesus and Mohammed naked in bed together. The mob will be in full cry within days.

And if the gay Jesus and Mohammed happen to pack heat, drive an SUV or produce CBS's annual Victoria's Secret show, the Left will be right there alongside the evolution-deniers and plane crashing Islamists, baying for blood.

Odd as it may appear at first glance, it's increasingly obvious that the natural allies of the rightist authoritarians are the leftist authoritarians. They may have rejected Jesus and Allah, but the Left has absolutely no problem with ordering people around. Jerry Falwell wants to make you burn Harry Potter, Osama wants to make you burn The Satanic Verses, and the Left wants to make you burn Huckleberrry Finn. Jerry doesn't want you saying "God Damn", Osama doesn't want you saying "Women should be equal." and the Left grabs its heart and screams in pain if you use the word "niggardly". When the towers crashed, Osama said "Praise Allah!", and the first thing out of the mouths of Jerry and the Left was "America brought this upon itself."

Religion has shown that it can adapt to an open society. Authoritarianism cannot, which is why so many leftists are on Osama's side in the the War on Terrorism and on Jerry's side when it comes to naked women.

Posted 11/21/2002 10:38:00 AM by Sid link


Pictures from the Secret Service

Just got pictures from the agent who took time off from the War on Terrorism to go fishing with us last month. Now you know why the war is proceeding so slowly.

Here's a couple

Keharr fishing the inlet and another picture of my drum and I.

Posted 11/20/2002 01:26:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Driving Jesus

What would Jesus drive? This is just weird.

Posted 11/20/2002 01:23:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Women's Groups Suck

Can these women's organizations focus on something a little more important than this? Some men probably enjoy sporting events and sex so see if you can ban those as well. Maybe we males can form a group and protest the sharing of feelings or cuddling after sex (assuming I will still have any after writing this). Then maybe you can see the absurdity of this cause. If the women want to parade around in winged outfits while the rest of the nation and world gawk at them...............well then, God Bless America!!!!

Posted 11/20/2002 10:39:00 AM by Katie Bug link


And the Academy Award Goes To……

I like movies, although admittedly I don’t watch very many of them these days. I like most kinds of movies but generally try to avoid too many romantic movies. Having a child has curbed our ability to watch movies in a theater, but even so, the number of movies we rent has been on a steep decline. Still, I do watch them.

As the years pass I am amazed how much things change and how much they stay the same. Many years ago I saw what I believed to be the best movie EVER. I have since watched that movie 100 times, and love it more each time. Each year comes and goes, but my favorite movie remains the same, hopefully some of you agree with my choice.

It isn’t a classic such as To Kill A Mockingbird, although that is a great one and is the best book I have ever read, nor is it Ben Hur. No, my favorite movie of all time is Fletch. It is the funniest movie I have ever seen and no matter how many times I watch it, I see something new in it. I am actually watching it again on the PLEX network right now. This got me thinking, what are my favorite movies of all time? I quickly jotted down several in random order and hope that each of you will offer your favorites as well.

Here is my list of some of the greatest movies of all time:

1. Fletch
2. Happy Gilmore
3. The Wedding Singer
4. Young Guns
5. Star Wars
6. The Outlaw Josey Wales
7. The Blues Brothers
8. A Christmas Story
9. Rocky III
10. Fletch Lives

By the way, if you want any DVD’s let me know. I will charge them all to Mr. Underhill’s American Express card………….want the number?

Posted 11/20/2002 12:16:00 AM by Sid link


The Carnival of the Vanities
Number Nine, Number Nine

We all have our skills, something that we can do better than anyone else, if only because we do things that no one else has ever even thought of attempting. For instance, let's take my skill, the one that I am better at than anyone else in the world.

You'll need to be standing, with a clear space of perhaps three feet in front of you. You'll also need to be wearing nothing but gym shorts. Now, in one smooth motion, shuck the shorts down to your ankles. Step out of the cloth puddle with your left foot, then flip the shorts up in the air with your right. Get some air under them. A height of about 8 feet is good. Now quickly, before they fall, run underneath the rotating shorts and catch them on your head so that they then resemble a Rastafarian hat, or perhaps a nun's wimple. Use of the hands is not allowed. Cross your arms and say "Jah, mon!" or "Yes, Mother Superior." as the spirit moves you. If at all possible, do this in front of your wife and two year old daughter.

That's my skill, the Naked Apostate Rotating Pant Head Catch, and I've performed it most every morning for 20 years. The secret is in getting the gym shorts to rotate so that the waist opens up on the descent, thus providing ample space for the all important cranial insertion, the angle of which determines the final position of the shorts on the contestant's head. Actually landing a full wimple or rastafari is an incredibly rare event. I've only managed it three or four times that I can recall. But when it happens, it's a thing of beauty, and a joy forever. It's the attempt that matters, and the attempt is truly a unforgettable sight to behold, or so I've been informed.

"Burned into my brain like a branding iron on a pig's ass." I was told.

Certainly my daughter's face lights up when she arises early enough to catch the show, though the wife seems to have lost something of her appreciation for a skilled landing of the night's sleepwear over the years. I've heard tell that Ted Williams made baseball look boring because he was so good at it, so maybe it's something like that. I'll switch to to a goofy foot flip, add a little more excitement to her morning.

Or I could retire at the top of my game. I had a pretty good landing today, kind of a leaning half rastafari after a triple rotation, with less than a foot of horizontal movement after the flip. It's a good one to retire on. I'm thinking it might be time, because as I was sitting on her bed this morning, Ngnat kicked off her pull-ups. Her height was bad, and there was a lot of horizontal movement, but she got a full rotation out of them, and she's not even three!

That's pure natural talent, that is. You should have seen the wife's face when I told her.

Yep, it's time to move on, make way for a new generation.

It's time to take up coaching.

Welcome to the Carnival, where the skills on display are at least as good as mine, even without 20 years practice. Welcome especially to our newcomers, nikita demosthenes, Helloooo chapter two!, Everything Must Go, The Claremont Institute and Cut on the Bias.

Deep Thoughts

The Road to Surfdom - The Blog Of Laughter And Forgetting - Thus the left is variously of accused of being unpatriotic, humourless, against family values, anti-children, anti-American, anti-western, anti-progress, unAmerican, unAustralian (substitute country at will) unwashed, unkempt, unemployed, unintelligent, just plain butt unly. The beauty of the technique is that the more the target objects to it, the more likely they are to look guilty, and this is especially true of the charge of being humourless.

Cut on the Bias - Matters of Life and Death - An unborn child has done nothing wrong, has made no choices (not even to exist), and is totally acted upon when aborted. A person who has received the death penalty has chosen a line of behavior that caused great harm to one or more people, and did so in a state of mind that allowed for a different choice. They could have avoided the behavior and didn't.

Furriners

nikita demosthenes - Re: New Zealand and Canada - To wit: the governments of New Zealand and Canada are clearly comprised of a bunch of ungrateful pussies.

Clubbeaux - The most obscure country in the world. - As I can attest, first from teaching international students learning English in Washington and Boston for years then working in Istanbul for four years, few people in the world really know the United States – but every single person on the planet thinks they do.

Heartstrings and Hand Grenades

a small victory - celebration - But now she had to tell me because Tim said on the phone to be ready to be a mother in two days. Two days. After years of waiting and hoping and being disappointed, she had two days to get ready for a baby.

Lhude sing cuccu!

Dustbury.com - A Song by Saddam - Well, it started out as a song by Paul Simon; if nothing else, I've proved that my scansion can be as idiosyncratic as his.
An autumn day,
It's the middle of November.
I say, "Go home,
Take your damned inspectors, nothing here to see!"
'Cause the only thing that matters here is me:
I am Iraq, I am defiant.

Madkane - Say Goodbye To Privacy - (To be sung to "Say Goodbye To Hollywood" by Billy Joel)
Bush is drivin' through a bill that strips rights,
Turns your life to an open, guided tour.
It sends your info to a Fed'ral machine.
It's a scene straight from Nineteen-Eight-Four.
Say goodbye to privacy.
Say goodbye to freedom.
Say goodbye to privacy.
Say goodbye to freedom.

Marlboro Country

Jimspot - Smoking Policies - As far as restaurants and bars, let them bear the weight of the market. If enough non-smokers are offended and put off by there being a smoking section in a restaurant, they'll stop going and the place will change its policy.

Media Bash

Helloooo chapter two! - Reviewer Bias - So, at the "Radio City Christmas Spectacular," you were shocked to find them retelling the story of Christmas from the Bible? Did you expect them to lift the story from "The Santa Clause 2" instead, or are you surprised when the morning news shows tell you about what happened the day before?

Sine Qua Non Pundit - The Scourge of Richard Cohen, Boobies to Florida! - There used to be a saying that every senator saw a future President in the mirror each morning when he was shaving. I suppose that's just as true for the female senators, whether they are shaving or not.

Politicking

The Eleven Day Empire - Daschle Speaks - Do you think the "authorities" - of which, as the Minority Leader of the Senate, you are a part, moron - are sitting on their asses, playing Freecell on their computers instead of trying to track down the source of the purported Bin Laden message?

Heretical Ideas - The Choice Is Obvious, Politically Speaking - But, of course, the big plus for New Orleans is that it can help the GOP shore up their "South Park" base. Aside from Vegas, what city expresses the confluence of capitalism and hedonism better than New Orleans? The sales from "GOP Girls Gone Wild" alone will help the Republicans make tons of cash for what little soft money contributions can be made these days.

Readin', Ritin' an 'Rithmetic

Philosoblog - A College Education - Philosophy professors tend to be slightly but catastrophically dogmatic. Each clings to his favorite premise and spends his career bending over backwards to fill in a story that brings the evidence into alignment with this premise. There are exceptions, but in general, philosophy professors don't spend much time investigating commonsense solutions to philosophical puzzles.

a small victory - For the Children, Episode Three - Generation Wuss - If all Johnny's problems are solved for him through mediation and intervention and peer group facilitating, Johnny will never learn how to solve problems on his own. He will never learn how to take matters into his own hands and he will spend his life thinking that there will always be someone to come to his rescue, always someone to do the talking for him.

Zod: She should call it "Why Johnny Votes Democratic"
Quiet, you.

mtpolitics.net - How Many Strikes Before You're Out? - The teachers strike continues here in Billings.
Everytime I think about it, my blood pressure starts rising, so I try not to think about it. But, you can't hardly turn around without it smacking you in the face.
On the opinion page of today's Guess-At-It, there is a letter from a 31-year teacher who only makes $45,000, which he snidely refers to as a "princely salary."

See You on The Funny Pages

IMAO - In My World: "Rumsfeld: Iraqi 'Bastards' Will Be Nuked" - When asked by a reporter if that he meant they would use a nuclear strike against Iraq if WMD's were used on U.S. troops, Rumsfeld replied, "We'll probably claim that's what happened when we nuke them just to calm the nancy boys in Europe, but I'm pretty set on nuking them no matter what. As soon as some Iraqi passes gas near one of our troops, we'll cry 'Biological warfare!' and then nuke the bastards."

South Knox Bubba - Making the Tough Decisions - Dick Cheney: Hello?
WHO: Mr. Vice President, I have Mr. Rove and Mr. Tenet on the line and they would like to conference you in, sir.
DC: OK, put me on.
WHO: Yes sir, thank you Mr. Vice President. I'll connect them now. (click) Go ahead Mr. Vice President. (click)
DC: Hey fellas, what's up?
KR: Hey, Dick. Did we wake you? Hahaha. Say, I've got George on the line here and he says his boys have finished analyzing that Al-Jazeera tape.
DC: Excellent.
KR: I couldn't remember what it was we said we wanted the result to be. Do you remember what we decided?

Yourish.com - Hulk Edward: Animals crossing - Hulk: Hulk getting image of doggie. [points to small, twentyish man, nerdy, wears glasses] You have doggie that dead?
Man: Uh, no. No, I don't.
Hulk: Then you have cat?
Man: Uh, no, sorry.
Hulk [moving closer, speaking louder]: Then you have bird?
Man: [softly, leaning as far back as he can in his seat, sweating]: I had a ferret. A ferret

The Raving Atheist - Wiccan Troop Offers Welcome Alternative to Atheist Boy Scout - Darrell Lambert, who was ordered to declare a belief in God or leave the Eagle Scouts, enthusiastically welcomed the Wiccan's offer. "The Wiccans have astutely perceived that the cold-blooded rationalism which compels me to reject every form of deity will gladly accommodate both the God and Goddess of their pretentiously silly Earth religion," he said. "I look forward to memorizing the Wiccan Rede, and the Law of Three, mixing powerless potions and casting ineffective spells."

Solonor's Ink Well - Minion Mission #1 - Can I ax a question? How in the world do you think you're going to save someone's soul or turn them onto the paths of righteousness (or into a paying customer) by berating them in public? Hello? McFly?

Shootin' Ahrns

Ravenwood's Universe - I Am Woman, Hear Me Shoot - Most women today fear firearms. They are taught by society that guns are for men. They are told that guns are complicated devices, that they are not intelligent enough to operate. Women are led to believe that firearms are powerful tools that they don't have the strength to handle

Six Degrees of the Blogosphere

skippy the bush kangaroo - the tip jar - william quick stopped blogging because he couldn't afford it? great. that's the free market system at work, kids. and besides, nobody asked him to start blogging in the first freakin' place. nobody asked any of us.

Everything Must Go - Blog Monitors - The view that white people are the scourge of civilization and just "uncool" is so pervasive, that until I started listening to some of my "self- talk" a few years ago, I really wasn't aware of how anti-white I'd become.

Space Opera

Ipse Dixit - One Cut Too Many - These two casting decisions have led me to wonder if Lucas is perhaps employing a meta-plot device to cause us all to gradually come to despise Anakin by never allowing a competent actor to play the role.

The Two-Backed Monster

The Kitchen Cabinet - Deconstructing Sex and The City - And some of the women I know who watch the series and claim to love it because "it's just like my life!" are actually so incredibly fragile that I can't imagine them surviving the serial-dating lifestyle I gather is portrayed on the show. They'd be curled in balls on their sofas in a week, popping antidepressants and speed-dialing each other.

Trainspotting

Where Worlds Collide - Imaginary Worlds - A great many model railway builders have also come up with elaborate fictional histories of the imaginary prototypes for their layouts in much the same way, whether it's a fictional county, or a fictional railway serving a real place that had no railway in our own history.

Unto These Hills
Fragments ~ From Floyd - Where I'm From - I am coming to appreciate my place as a minority blogger. No, I'm definitely a W.A.S.P. But I write from the Appalachian Mountains. There don't appear to be many bloggers who live here in this bioregion. Not many at all.

When Norwegian Bachelor Farmers Go Bad
The Claremont Institute - Sing Goddess of the Wrath of Garrison - I'm not saying Keillor is Achilles, but in politics, when control slips and things get nasty, anger is often the passion advancing the action. Angered at Agamemnon and the Greeks, Achilles left his fellows and sulked in his tent; then Patroclus, his friend-in-arms, died, and Achilles burst from his tent furious and murderous.

Eleven Day Empire - Go Back to Lake Woebegon - Well, Mr. Keillor, what, precisely, is the Democratic ideology? Opposition to war, sort of, except not really? Opposition to tax cuts, sort of, but not really opposed enough to actually repeal them? Support of international treaties, except not enough to actually ratify them? Support for welfare reform, kind of, sometimes, except not exactly?


The Carnival of the Vanities is published every Wednesday at Silflay Hraka and Blog Critics. Information on how to join the Carnival is available here.

Posted 11/19/2002 03:58:00 PM by Sid link


Blogus Interupptus

Work is busy. So busy that even Zod is quiet. The Carnival should come out on time, but it appears that normal blogging will not happen today.

Posted 11/18/2002 03:23:00 PM by Sid link


Nobody expects the American Combat Mission!

Instapundit links to an article at Technology Review about the new military tech likely to be used in an war on Iraq and the advantages they give U.S. soldiers

The invasion of Baghdad (if necessary) will take place on a dark night, moonless or cloud-covered. The army motto (once used exclusively by the U.S. Special Operations Forces) is now “We own the night.” Our forces not only see in the dark, they are trained to fight in the dark.

That makes sense. That makes 2 known constraints that need to be satisfied before we let loose the Dogs.

1.) The Military Sealift Command Vessels must deliver their cargo, a condition that should be fulfilled by the end of the month, as they departed in late October.

2.) Dark of the moon, Dec 5th. The Navy makes it Dec 4th. The next one is 28 days after that.

I'd like to pick Dec 5th as the attack date, but it feels rushed. The next dark of the moon is Jan 2, which doesn't feel as rushed. It also give the inspectors more time to stumble across a "material breach" of the Security Council resolution on Iraq, which preserves the figleaf of U.N. backing for the war. January is also historically the coldest and least windy month in the area, conditions which will inhibit the effectiveness of any Iraqi chemical or biological attack.

Ok, Four known constraints.

1. Military Sealift Command
2. Dark of the Moon
3. UN Figleaf
4. Bad weather for presumed Iraqi WMDs


Plus, there's the Bush family penchant for nice round numbers. Remember the hundred days of war from the last Iraqi war?

Ok, Five constraints

Cardinal Ximinez: Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

Let's just say my prediction is the night of 01/01/2003 and stop there.

If you can think of any other known or supposed constraints, drop us a line or leave a comment. We'll see if we can't refine the prediction.

Posted 11/18/2002 01:20:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Detroit Rock Shitty

This must be a sign of the apocalypse. Eminem's childhood home (at least off and on ) is being sold on EBAY. The house is valued at $47,000, but is going to go for MUCH more than that. Good investment by the realtors who bought it for $45,000, don't you think?

Better hurry, only 26 more bidding days left!!!

UPDATE: Dear God, I can only hope that some idiot didn't realize how many zeros are in the thousands because the current bid is $99 MILLION. My guess is the seller should prepare for a retraction.

Posted 11/18/2002 11:36:00 AM by Katie Bug link


Political Suicide

Perhaps the smartest political advisor is the one who suggested that Al Gore disappear for a while following the 2000 presidential election. It was a hard fought battle, a close election, and the public was tired of hearing from both of the candidates. Gore vanished from the spotlight and the irritation of him as a candidate was softened by this absence.

I voted for Gore in the election, not that I thought he would be the greatest of all presidents, but he ended up being my personal choice. The election became a mess and I was worried he would hang around, not admit defeat, and ruin whatever positive image people may have had of him. Thankfully, he did not. He accepted defeat and moved on, which at the time appeared to me as a smart maneuver, not hanging around to overstay his welcome.

After a year or so, he made his return, sporting a beard which gave him that Ernest Hemingway, accountant, Unabomber type of look. He didn’t have too much to say except to make some expected comments about the environment and the current administration’s handling of certain issues.

However, that appears to be changing. Gore has been in the spotlight more and more in the last couple of months, brought on due to the elections held earlier this month. I have no problem with Gore giving support to people seeking office, but all the comments I heard him say tended to deal with his losing the election two years earlier. He banged that drum in every speech I saw, and appeared to be a very bitter man who cannot let it go, a different attitude than what I thought I saw in 2000. Sure, he was disappointed, and should have been. You can’t invest that much time into something and not be upset when it doesn’t go your way, but I thought he had moved on………..apparently not.

Al Gore’s cancer, the 2000 election, appears to have simply been in remission, and is now flaring up again at full strength. As I said before, I voted for him 2 years ago, but that is unlikely to happen again if he continues to use this approach for another 2 years. I am hoping that a political advisor, or PR person will get to him and tell him to “STOP!!” If he continues to harp on his loss I believe it will be political suicide, and he will fail worse than he did before. If I hear one more speech with him bitching about his loss he can kiss my vote goodbye, and get the sword ready because he will be throwing his political self on it soon afterwards.

Change the approach, tell us what you can do for us, tell us why you still care about holding the highest office in the land, and tell us why we should vote for you NOW. Stop telling us how you were robbed before and how every vote counts because that horse died two years ago.