Posted 4/12/2003 11:47:00 PM by Sid link


Protesters Inexplicably Fail To Show Up To Support Privileged White Woman In Her Crusade To Get Privileged White Woman Into Private Club.

Organizer vows to accept ANSWER's offer to organize for her in future.

Posted 4/12/2003 11:15:00 PM by Sid link


Mammy, my little Mammy,
I'd walk a million miles
For one of your smiles,
My Mammy!


Photo via Yahoo

First person to tell me why I chose the title gets a free no prize.

Posted 4/12/2003 10:50:00 PM by Sid link


An Evening's Query

If the Canadian healthcare system is so much better than that of the United States, why are there no SARS deaths here and 13 there?

Posted 4/12/2003 10:26:00 PM by Sid link


I represent the Lollipop Guild
The Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild
And in the name of the Lollipop Guild
I have come to fight and kill Saddam.


Photo via Yahoo

Posted 4/12/2003 01:58:00 PM by Katie Bug link


An Olive Branch?

While I realize the North Korean government is not to be trusted, this would certainly appear to be a positive sign.

Posted 4/12/2003 01:55:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Party Put-er

It should come as no surprise that Russian President Vladimir Putin suggested the goal of the war with Iraq has not been achieved. I have never wanted to find WMD more than I do today. Admittedly, while I did have reservations about this war, I want our fears to be validated so we can then shove one of these bombs up the asses of Putin, Chirac, and Schroeder. At this point, I'm not sure having one of those bombs under their noses would be enough proof for them.

Posted 4/12/2003 11:13:00 AM by Sid link


It's Called The Monkey Claw Because It Feels Like My Colon Is Being Ripped Apart By A Thousand Monkeys.

Screen grab from the trailer for the summer release of Terrance and Phillip's new movie "The Divine Wind of Terrance and Phillip"

Photo from Yahoo

Posted 4/11/2003 10:49:00 PM by Sid link


Time To Slay The Fatted Calf

Well, that was a long week. I think I passed the RHCT. Several in the class didn't. We'll know for sure by Monday or Tuesday, I think. Ngnat and The Sainted wife are in bed, so it's time for Scotch, cashews, and the Sex Pistols.

See you tomorrow.

Posted 4/11/2003 10:30:00 AM by Katie Bug link


The Ring Master

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi's Information Minister, has certainly filled this role during the circus that is the Gulf War II. I'm sure this is getting old to some of you, but I can't stop laughing about this guy, but here is the latest (and probably the last) installment of his news conferences. This one was held with the media present, but Mr. al-Sahaf held this conference via cell phone.

Reporter #1: Mr. al-Sahaf, where the hell are you? This is highly unusual to hold a press conference via cell phone. Have you left the country?

MSa-S: Of course not. I would never leave this sovereign nation.

Reporter #1: Then where are you?

MSa-S: I am standing at the podium, right in front of you.

Reporter #1: No you are not, there is nobody at the podium, and you are on a cell phone.

MSa-S: Shut up, infidel. I am in front of you, I am just.........invisible, yeah, I'm invisible.

Reporter #1: What the hell.....

MSa-S: Yes, Iraq is a very advanced nation and we have developed the technology to become invisible. A technique we have found to be very useful on the battlefield.

Reporter #1: Mr. al-Sahaf, this is ridiculous.

MSa-S: Did you feel that? I am standing right beside you now and I tapped you on your shoulder. Freaky isn't it?

Reporter #2: Sir, your country is under almost complete control of the coalition forces now, and your ambassador to the U.N. even said that the "game is over." What is your reaction to this story?

MSa-S: That guy is not from Iraq. He is an employee of CNN, an obvious arm of the CIA and he is trying to mislead you with his incorrect information.

Reporter #2: Well then, how do you explain that he has been in that position for several years?

MSa-S: An obvious paperwork error by the U.N. My belief is that he is Swedish, just look at his complexion.

Reporter #3: So, how long do you believe you will remain invisible? When do you think we might actually see you again?

MSa-S: Soon, very soon. We are in the final stages of ridding our country of the coalition forces and then I will be able to be visible again. Until that time it is safer for me to remain in Syria..........um, er........I mean invisible to thwart any last ditch efforts by the Americans to target me or the other Iraqi officers.

Reporter #1: Is Saddam Hussein dead or alive? Reports were that he may have been killed in the coaltion bombing a few days ago, along with one or more of his sons.

MSa-S: That is ridiculous. Saddam is superman.

Reporter #1: Do you mean to suggest that he has been able to avoid the bombs meant for him?

MSa-S: No, I mean that he literally is Superman. He has superhuman powers and was able to fly out of the bunker before the bombs hit, or, at the very least, was able to make the bombs explode with his x-ray vision before they hit the bunker.

Reporter #1: WTF????

MSa-S: Also, the other members of the Justice League of America have come to the aid of Iraq and will be fighting alongside our soldiers very soon. At this moment Wonder Woman's invisible plane is hovering above this press conference looking for allied resistance, while Aquaman is battling those mine-finding dolphins in the Gulf. Beware, Flash and the Wonder Twins are present as well. One took the form of a Saddam statue, while the other is the running water now flowing into Um Qasr. That is all for now. I am now walking off the stage and giving you all the finger as I do so. By the way, for logistical reasons the victory party has now been relocated to Tikrit, possibly moving to Syria later today.

As others have mentioned, I really will miss this guy. He has been nothing short of VERY entertaining during all of this.

Posted 4/11/2003 08:46:00 AM by Katie Bug link


Addition to Our "Shit List"

Sounds as if Syria is beginning to get a little uppity. Hey Moustapha, I'm sure there are a few statues in your country that could use some toppling as well.

Posted 4/11/2003 08:34:00 AM by Katie Bug link


Compensation Based on Attractiveness

There is a newspaper (I use that term very loosely) which litters my mailbox every week or two which is named something like Entertainment Weekly. Usually this paper goes straight from the mailbox into the trash without being used to even wrap up old pieces of gum. This week was different, as I looked at the first page while waiting for The Bug to come back inside from a quick trip into the rain, after a week of cabin fever. I found this story on that page and found it rather humorous.

By Chuck Shepherd
Universal Press Syndicate

The attorney general of the Australian state of Victoria told reporters in February that the government would soon propose legislation to abolish the common-law practice of varying the death benefits for widows according to how pretty they are. Technically, the doctrine allows a discount on a widow's compensation if she has strong prospects of remarriage, and judges thus take note of her attributes in deciding how much money she needs. (The widow most recently judged a looker lost about $62,000 until an appeals court intervened).

Posted 4/10/2003 01:30:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Who Gives A Rat's Ass?

Give me a freakin' break. Here is our ass Chirac......Bon Appetit!!!!

Posted 4/10/2003 11:59:00 AM by Katie Bug link


Great (Stone) Wall of China

This report claims that the Chinese government may not have been exactly forthcoming with accurate information regarding the outbreak of SARS in that country. WTF?? Really??? But that government has such a rich history of being honest with its people, not to mention the rest of the world. This IM conversation I had with a Chinese guy should have been some indication. It makes me wonder if Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf is the Information Minister for China as well as Iraq.

Posted 4/09/2003 02:34:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Saddam Alive

An Iraqi opposition leader states he has information suggesting Saddam and Chemical Ali may still be alive. He also revealed some irritation that the coalition has not provided more assistance in cities such as Nasiriya and Basra. For the love of God man, give us a break. We are working on it, give us time. Rome was not built, and the Baath party will not be destoyed, in a day. I'm a bit irritated that he would say this when the US is risking so much by engaging in this war to begin with. For all of here in the US, "You are welcome!"

Posted 4/09/2003 01:26:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Daily Funnies

Here is an excerpt from the latest Q & A forum with the Iraqi Information Minister, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf:

Reporter #1: Do you still believe that you are winning this war, even though your city is swarming with coalition forces?

MSa-S: Absolutely. Do you not believe it? What war are you watching?

Reporter #1: I'm watching all of your buildings being blown up, and your citizens pulling down statues of Saddam and hitting them with their shoes.

MSa-S: Ignorant infidel, you understand nothing. We have instructed our people to tear those statues down because they are old and we are planning to put up new, bigger statues in their place. They are beating them with their shoes to try and make the pieces small enough to be carried away.

Reporter #2: Okay, to follow-up with that line of questioning, did Saddam know that his phone calls were being monitored by allied intelligence groups?

MSa-S: Of course he knew, he knows all. He continued speaking on them to gain proof of this. Now we are able to ask for a refund from the British company who sold us the technology since they assured us at the time that the signals could not be decoded. Another example of the British being dishonest businessmen.

Reporter #2: Right, well what do you say to the rest of world who sees these coalition forces storming Saddam's palaces at will and taking control of the city of Baghdad?

MSa-S: We have them right where we want them.

Reporter #3: Sir, has anyone told you that you bear a great resemblance to the Black Knight in the Monty Python film?

MSa-S: No, but I am honored. I am sure this Black Knight was a brave warrior

Reporter #3: Yes, of course he was, but he had no arms or legs.

MSa-S: More evidence of his valor.

Reporter #4: Sir, allied forces have found a number of torture chambers used by your regime to terrorize your people. What do you have to say to that?

MSa-S: Those are not torture chambers, do not believe all that you read. Those were abandoned meat packing plants. Don't you know that most of what you are seeing was filmed on a stage in Hollywood? You people probably believe that a man has landed on the moon, don't you?

Reporter #4: Um.....well, yes we do.

MSa-S: That is all, the victory party will be held this afternoon at 4.

Posted 4/09/2003 12:54:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Analyzing the Evidence

It appears as if my prediction may be very close to coming true. Of course, this will mean that I will have to start really disliking Roy Williams, which may be tough. He does appear to be a class act. I especially liked it when he told Bonnie Bernstein that he "didn't give a shit about Carolina" after his loss on Monday night. That was a priceless moment in television history.

Posted 4/09/2003 12:45:00 PM by Katie Bug link


First Iraq, Then France........Then??

What about Spain? Funny article over at The Onion.

Posted 4/09/2003 12:38:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Same Old Song and Dance

CNN is reporting that a new audiotape of Osama Bin Laden has surfaced. While the voice on the tape has not been analyzed, some believe it to be Bin Laden. In the tape he calls on Muslims to rise up against governments it suggests are "agents of America." These countries include Kuwait and Saudi Arabia, and he suggests these attacks be done to "avenge the innocent children who have been assassinated in Iraq." Apparently he is getting his war reports from the Iraqi Information Minister, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf.

Posted 4/09/2003 11:33:00 AM by Katie Bug link


Yes He Is........No He Isn't

So which is it? Did we kill Saddam or not in our latest bombing attempts? This report suggests that even the British and American intelligence agencies have differing opinions on the subject. My feeling is that unless we actually see his dead body and confirm it through DNA testing, we should assume that he is still alive. It seems as if he very well could have escaped through a series of tunnels that must run throughout the city of Baghdad. Realizing that it is possible he could have survived, it makes me increasingly upset that the major news sources reported that we were able to target Saddam and his sons by tapping into their "secure" cell phone conversations. If that was the case, you can be sure those phones have been trashed and we have lost the ability to track him that way from this point forward.

Somewhere Geraldo Rivera is saying, "Well, at least I didn't do that!!!"

Posted 4/08/2003 02:14:00 PM by Sid link


It's Smurfylicious

Enjoy, just don't ask why Papa Smurf is hooked up to the milking machine.

Posted 4/08/2003 02:08:00 PM by Sid link


Fuck You, Peace Movement

Jailed Iraqi children run free as marines roll into Baghdad suburbs

Around 150 children spilled out of the jail after the gates were opened as a US military Humvee vehicle approached, Lieutenant Colonel Fred Padilla told an AFP correspondent travelling with the Marines 5th Regiment.

"Hundreds of kids were swarming us and kissing us," Padilla said.

"There were parents running up, so happy to have their kids back."

"The children had been imprisoned because they had not joined the youth branch of the Baath party," he alleged. "Some of these kids had been in there for five years."

That means you, Jimmy Carter, and you, Desmond Tutu, and you, John Paul, and all the rest of you, who were content to let Iraqi children rot and die in prison in the name of "peace."

And don't tell me you didn't know. As the man said "There are none so blind, as those who would not see."

All you had to do was look, and you chose not to.

Update: Fixed link

Posted 4/08/2003 02:03:00 PM by Sid link


Notes From The Classroom
The first thing one sees upon entering the Red Hat building is a gigantic Gandhi quote hanging on the wall.

First, they ignore you.
Then they laugh at you.
Then they fight you.
Then you win.

I think that pretty much sums up the company's attitude.

Scuttlebutt around the classroom is that most people fail the RHCT test on their initial attempt.

Posted 4/08/2003 01:11:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Minister of Fantasy Island

The latest briefing from the Iraqi Information Minister, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf:

Good afternoon, members of the press. Here is the latest information we have on the American led invasion of our beloved country.

First, we are winning. I hear many reports suggesting that Iraq is losing this war and it makes me question where these news agencies are getting their information. They obviously are not watching the same conflict that I am. The tanks that are currently rolling through our nation's capital are under Iraqi control. We have instructed our fighting men to take over these tanks and then purposely blow up our own stuff to confuse the Americans. So far, it appears to be working. Yesterday, our men stormed one of Saddam's palaces, disguised as American soldiers, as a joke........we got you. We did so to show the world that we are in charge and still go where we want to in this city. Did I mention that we are winning? We plan on continuing to blow up our own city until the allied forces believe they have defeated us, so that they will leave the country and we can continue to rape and pillage our own people as we see fit. I believe it is working. Our city is almost in ruins, and the Americans think they are winning this war.

Furthermore, we attacked a bunker last night in which Saddam and his highest ranking officals were present. We did so in an effort to show the world that we are crazy and should be feared. Our military strategy is a simple one, use our superior military might to crush the infidels and return Iraq to a leadership position in the Arab world.

I have also heard a number of wild claims by uninformed news sources around the world. One accusation is that the Iraqi military is using women and children as human shields. This is very untrue. Those women and children just happened to not be paying attention and completely by circumstance walked in front of our vehicles as we were passing by a bridge. You take it as human shields, we take it as a sign from God that He is on our side.

There are many rumors that the ruling party of Iraq has been planning to flee the country. Again, this is a complete misinterpretation of the facts. The truth is that the ruling party has proven its strength by soundly defeating the United States' aggression against us, and we are bored. We have decided that we are tired of being in this city and need new challenges to keep us "fresh," so we are thinking of going to different places to break the monotony of ruling here.

Finally, I have one more note to the allied forces who are getting their Western tails kicked on our battlefields. We do have a secret weapon that has been kept hidden thus far that you should be aware of. All of our military men have the ability to let pigs fly out of their asses that will attack coalition forces if the need arises. These pigs are wicked mean and could cause quite a mess if unleashed. You have been warned.

Posted 4/08/2003 11:03:00 AM by Katie Bug link


Hamburger Blues

For whatever reason, the idea of putting this on my hamburger really grosses me out, although the Bug will probably like it.

Posted 4/07/2003 04:49:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Redneck, Not Hatred

Once again the confederate flag is causing trouble. This story reports that 35 high school students were suspended after wearing t-shirts to school displaying the flag. Damn, this is an old argument, and one that simply amazes me. I am from North Carolina, obviously part of the South, yet I have no love, or hatred for that matter, for this symbol. Why the hell anybody still buys this thing is beyond me. I'm sure this will upset some people, but I guess discussion and provoking thoughts are what blogs are for.

The Confederate flag is not a symbol of my heritage, I will use the Stars & Stripes for that, and I will most likely never display the "Stars & Bars" on my person or my home. I think the symbol is outdated and serves no purpose but to inflame public opinion. I seriously doubt that these high school students really wore these shirts because they love being southern girls and wanted to proclaim their heritage to the world. I also doubt they wore them to hurt minorities either. The only message that is sent when someone wears or displays this flag is, "Hey, I'm a redneck and don't know any better." If you think I am mistaken, then poll people who live outside of the South and see if I am wrong.

Posted 4/07/2003 12:30:00 PM by Katie Bug link


Chemical Reaction

May the bastard rest in hell. I am glad to hear about cities taken and few casualties on our side, but news of the removal of another "top tier" guy in Saddam's regime is what brings me real joy. I don't even care so much that he is killed, just captured. It means one less killer for the Iraqi people to live in fear of, hopefully paving the way for more open support of our troops in that country. I will feel better when we see his body, but I feel like I watch the war news just looking for information like this.

UPDATE: This is equally good, if not better, news. I know the White House has said that finding chemical weapons is not a priority, but I have to call "Bullshit" on that one. It is a priority and the rebuilding of relations with other countries will be facilitated quicker by this type of news. I imagine Bush is doing quite the jig right about now.

Posted 4/07/2003 10:13:00 AM by Sid link


Training Daze

I'm in Red Hat class all this week, so my posting schedule is going to be disrupted. Normally I could just do it all at night, but there's a certification exam on Friday, so I may have to study for it. I'll squeeze out what I can.

For those of who wondering, I'm taking the RHCT Exam. Assuming all goes well with that, I'll take the RHCE in July.

Posted 4/06/2003 11:25:00 PM by Sid link


Secretary-General Wally.

Another signal victory for the U.N. in the fight to illustrate its own impotency. Srebrenica comes to the Congo.

Commissions Will Be Formed. Reports Will Be Issued. Nothing Will Change.

The UN today exists solely to provide paychecks to U.N. staff. Doing something, doing anything, anywhere might endanger those checks, so Kofi and company won't do anything other than fulminate.

Posted 4/06/2003 10:58:00 PM by Sid link


Not That There Is Anything Wrong With That.

You know, other than the whole "gets paid for writing and has hundreds of insider contacts" thing, exactly how is William Safire different from bloggers?

Yes, he does post less, but other than that? He seems just as willing to spin appealing tapestries based on hope and suppostion, and, since he does this type of thing all the time, just as unafraid of being wrong.

Perhaps it's more that bloggers are like Wiliam Safire, than 'tother way round.

Posted 4/06/2003 10:06:00 PM by Sid link


Annoying The Wife - Here Comes The Rain Again

Coming home from the Harris Teeter, all is quiet, all is peaceful. We're watching the world glide by, the wife the Ngnat and I. Annie Lennox is on the radio.

Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion

I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
Want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you

(So, Baby)

"Talk"
to me like lovers do
"Walk"
with me like lovers do
"Talk"

"Stop that, you incredible weirdo!"
"Stop what?"
"Either sing the whole thing or don't. Who just sings one word?"
"It's the only part I like."

Here comes the rain again
Raining in my head like a tragedy
Telling me apart like a new emotion

I want to breathe in the open wind
I want to kiss like lovers do
Want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you

(So, Baby)
"Talk"
to me like lovers do
"Walk"
with me like lovers do
"Talk"
to me like lovers do

"I had absolutely no doubt in my mind you were going to do that."
"Well, I didn't want to disappoint you."

Posted 4/06/2003 09:47:00 PM by Sid link


Lox of Luck

I have seen the future of condiments, and it is Cranberry Horseradish. Looks like ice cream, tastes like fire. I liked the look of it so much I bought it twice, purchasing it again Saturday night, it having mysteriously vanished from the groceries we brought home Friday night.

"I don't have any idea what you did with it," said the Sainted wife, beatific innocence personified.

And no, there were no other groceries missing, so unless the bag boy had recognized the special nature of the cranberry horseradish and gave it a bag of it of it's very own, one that we subsequently missed, someone had hidden it on me ere we left the store .

I kept my suspicions to myself, and got another bottle when I went back on Saturday. It's really very good with smoked salmon on Townhouse crackers.

Not that I got to enjoy as much as I had planned. Ngnat ate half of Daddy's special Sunday night smoked salmon, a chunk about the size of my fist.

Bloody child. Rice pudding? Disgusting. Smoked raw fish? Can't get enough of it.